Satyricon au go go

No infringement of the following characters and situations is intended.
Warning: Rated [MA] Mature Adults only. Contains strong m/m sexual scenes, violence, coarse language and adult themes.

By Eris

Dalziel walked quietly along the corridor and stopped at the desk to ask for Peter’s room number. This was one part of the job he would never get used to, never take for granted. Visiting a wounded colleague was not something he normally did himself. He hated hospitals. But this was Peter and no matter how tired he was, no matter how he longed for a drink, and a shower, and a good hard shag to take his mind off the case, this was something he had to do.

The muted lighting was gentle on his tired eyes and he stood for a moment in the doorway, looking around for Ellie - surprised not to see her there. He made his way to the bedside and gazed down at Peter.

"How’s it going then, sunshine?" he asked quietly, pulling a chair closer to and settling in beside his friend. "You look done in lad. And where’s that wife of yours? Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you tell she gets back" he said to the figure moving restively on the bed, absently running his fingers across Peter’s forehead and down his cheek.

"You could be here for quite a while then," said a soft female voice from just inside the doorway.

He started. What had she heard, seen? A sense of guilt put him instantly on the defensive, ready to lash out with some cutting remark - until he caught sight of her. His demeanour changed as he took in the attractive form of the night nurse.

"Don’t mind that if you’ll keep me company lass. Always fancied a girl in uniform meself. Though I prefer something a little shorter," he said, appraising her attributes in a way more appropriate for a writer of works of questionable literary value than for a man who had sworn to uphold the laws of the land.

"Thankyou sir but I have other patients to look after," she said, meeting his eyes and bestowing on him a smile that softened her words. She took Peter’s pulse and rearranged the pillows and blankets before turning her attention back to Dalziel.

"The woman that come in with him…" her voice trailed off.

"Ellie, his wife," Dalziel provided.

"His wife," she began again, "she didn’t stay long. And from the look on her face when she was leaving I’d say it’ll be a while before she’s back again."

"What happened?"

"I don’t really know. After the ambulance brought him in, Doctor Franklin examined him and I cleaned him up a bit and we brought him in here. I gave him something to help him sleep and she came to sit with him. I think he must have started talking in his sleep. I couldn’t really hear what he was saying but whatever it was must have really upset her. She shot past me in the corridor, nearly knocked me down. The look on her face could have turned a body to stone."

"And you didn’t hear what he was saying?"

"Honestly, I don’t think he was even half awake. The pills I gave him, he’ll sleep for hours yet. He doesn’t even know we’re here. Why don’t you go home and clean up a bit. You look like you could use a rest."

"Aye, happen I will," he smiled, stifling a yawn. But even as he turned to leave the room he knew that he would not be going home yet. Not until he had talked to Ellie. Not until he had found out what Peter had called out in his sleep to make her turn away from him like that.

***

"Alright, alright. I’m coming," slurred an irritable female voice as Ellie made her way unsteadily to the door in response to Dalziel’s insistent ringing of the bell.

"Oh, its you," she said, blocking his way.

"Who were you expecting? Father Christmas or the Easter Bunny?"

He tried to push past Ellie but had to reach out a hand to steady her when she lost her balance and stumbled against him.

"The Fat Controller. I should have known you’d show up sooner or later. Can’t keep away can you? Well he’s not here. They kept him at the hospital. Observation."

She tried to push herself away but he kept hold of her, his hands locked tightly onto her shoulders. He moved her away slightly so that he could look into her face. He took in her eyes, red raw and puffy from crying, and smelt the alcohol on her breath.

"What’s wrong lass. Why did you leave him at the hospital?"

His question brought on a renewed bout of tears and Ellie crumpled against his chest. She was torn between her need to talk and her antipathy towards the man who held. She pounded her fists against his chest but there was no real strength in the gesture.

"Let me go," she protested as he steered her towards the lounge.

"I’d give you a drink if you hadn’t already had too many," he said gently as he deposited her onto the chair and took up a position facing her.

"Now are you going to tell me what all this is about or am I going to have to belt it out of ya?"

She wondered how serious he was. She’d never had a particularly high opinion of him but… She tried to look up at him but she couldn’t meet his eyes. She was too humiliated, too ashamed. And just ever so slightly too drunk to care about any of that.

"You," she blurted out. "It’s all about you. He cares more about you than about me. From the day he met you, you’ve been coming between us."

Ellie spoke in the slow, careful way drunks do when they want to make sure of being understood.

"What do you mean Ellie?"

He cupped her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"It was you he called out for at the hospital. You, not me. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

She stared into his eyes as she spoke and he saw the hurt and betrayal there. He couldn’t look away, didn’t know what to do or what to say to her. Once he wouldn’t have worried, but that was before he had come to know her, come to care for her for Peter’s sake.

"Oh lass," he whispered into her hair, pulling her close and holding her tightly until she stopped struggling and wept into his chest, releasing her grief and finally stilling in his arms. He sat holding her like that until he felt her breathing change and realised that she was finally asleep. Now at least she would have some respite from her pain.

He arranged her as comfortably as he could on the lounge, popping a cushion under her head before fetching a blanket. He watched her for a moment as he had watched Peter at the hospital then turned off the lights and let himself quietly out of the house.

The cool air hit his face and he stood for a moment gazing up at the stars before walking to his car. Once inside, he sat with his head bowed against the steering wheel. He wished he had never gone to the hospital, never come to see Ellie. He felt as if his whole life was about to change and it was not a feeling Andy Dalziel was comfortable with.

***

The drive home seemed to take longer than usual and Dalziel struggled to concentrate on the road and banish from his mind thoughts of Ellie and their recent encounter. Finding himself at the front door, he fumbled the key into the lock and turned on a light. ‘Drink, shower, bed’ he intoned over and over, the mantra pushing all other thoughts to the back of his mind. Pouring himself a whisky, he tossed it back and refilled his glass. He was about to put the bottle back and head for the shower but he realised that that would only mean returning for it later.

He made his way to his room and deposited the bottle onto the bedside table, taking another drink from the glass before putting that down too. Pulling off his clothes, he dropped them onto the floor in the furthest corner of the room and padded across the thick, soft carpet towards the bathroom. Turning on the water, he stepped into the shower recess, slid the door closed and turned, his arms extended. He loved its size. It had been one of the reasons he had bought this house. Once again he was grateful to the previous owner, a sybaritic insurance salesman with a beautiful young wife, who had installed the double showerheads into this oversized space.

He stood for a few moments, luxuriating in the warmth of the water spraying over his body, then took up the soap and began to scrub himself vigorously. It was good to be clean again. He felt some of the tension of the day leaving his body but knew instantly that it was being replaced by another kind of tension. What had he wanted at the hospital? A drink, a shower and a good hard shag. He’d managed two out of three but he knew that if he wanted any rest tonight he was going to have to do something about the third.

The human body was a constant source of amazement to him. Here he was, a man well past his prime, tired, a little the worse for drink and still and all growing harder the longer he stood there. Dalziel took his cock into his hand and groaned in pleasure at the contact. Much as he enjoyed the touch of another person, there were times when he knew that he could give himself what he wanted better than anyone else could. He surrendered his mind and body to pleasure. While he stroked the length of his cock, he reached down with his other hand and gently cupped his balls, squeezing them rhythmically. He loved the different textures. The velvety smooth skin of his penis, the roughness of the skin around his balls and the thick, wiry hair that surrounded it all. Many years a bachelor, Dalziel was comfortable with the act of self-gratification and brought himself to completion expertly.

Rinsing off and wrapping himself in a towel, Dalziel realised just how tired he was. Warm and dry, he made his way back to the bedroom and finished the whisky in his glass. He pulled back the covers and lay down, his mind already drifting. ‘Be gentle with me,’ was his last conscious thought as he surrendered himself to the tender embrace of Morpheus. But ah, the ancient gods are wont to toy with mortals and Dalziel’s longed for night of peaceful sleep was not to be.

***

***

Dalziel woke with a start and switched on the light. He was soaked in sweat and the sheets and blankets were a tangled mess. He sat up and tried to remember the dream he’d just been having but it hovered tantalisingly out of reach. He got up and straightened the bedding before pouring himself another whisky. He climbed into bed and lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply then washed it down with a swig of whisky, repeating the ritual until there was nothing left of either. He lay down, switched off the light and willed himself to relax.

***

He woke later that day feeling almost as bad as when he had gone to sleep. Pulling on an old bathrobe, he called the station to let them know that he wouldn’t be in till later, only to be told by the young constable on the desk that no one had really expected him after yesterday. Wield had it all in hand.

"Cheeky sod," he muttered under his breath as he lit a cigarette and thought about whether to go back to bed or dress and go to the hospital to check up on Peter. He’d ring first and see if he was awake and whether Ellie had turned up yet. They might even be ready to release Peter. The nurse had said they were only keeping him in for observation. Given Ellie’s state earlier this morning, he might need someone else to pick him up.

"Right then," he said around what was left of the cigarette and began to dial the hospital.

The nurse who answered wasn’t sure when Peter would be released - doctor hadn’t done his rounds yet.

He’d had a quiet night - after his visitors had left - and he was awake and enjoying his breakfast at the moment.

"I doubt that very much."

"What was that sir?" She hadn’t quite understood what Dalziel had murmured after the snort.

"His wife. Has she been in this morning?"

"No-one’s been to see him this morning."

"Right, well I’ll be by later then."

"Visiting hours are from 10.30 till 11.30, 3.30 till 4.30 and 7.00 till 8.00," the nurse informed him before hanging up.

Dalziel decided to eat something before cleaning up and going to the hospital. Perhaps he’d call by Peter’s house on his way and see if Ellie wanted to go with him, although after last night he thought it might be a while before she wanted to see him again. Best not to think about it too much just now. He couldn’t quite remember what he’d dreamt about during the night but thinking about Ellie had caused an uneasy stirring at the back of his mind that he didn’t want to explore just yet.

Fed, washed and dressed to make an impression, Dalziel made his way to the hospital. It was just gone 10.30 but the fact that he’d arrived during visiting hours was due more to luck than to deliberate intent. Still, it meant that he didn’t have to bluff his way past the duty sister so he slowed as he passed the desk and took his time looking over the nurses.

He arrived outside Peter’s room just as the doctor was leaving.

Planting himself firmly in the doctor’s way, Dalziel questioned him about Peter.

"He’s well enough to go home today but he’ll need some looking after. I believe he has a wife at home but we haven’t been able to contact her this morning to make arrangements for his release."

‘I wonder if that ramrod ’e ’as stuck up ’is arse pains ’im at all or if ’e’s gotten used to it by now,’ mused Dalziel as he half-listened to the doctor.

"Well, its okay if I go and see him then. And don’t worry about Ellie. She was in a bit of a state after she got home from the hospital. I’ll take him home and make sure they’re both alright."

"I suppose that would be acceptable," the doctor said to Dalziel’s rapidly disappearing form.

"Good morning sunshine. How you feeling then?"

He positively beamed as he approached the bed, not wanting Peter to know how worried he’d been. And all the time he was scrutinising the younger man, looking for the signs of strain he was sure would be there, caused not only by yesterday’s experiences but also by the recent marital problems Peter and Ellie had been experiencing.

"You ready to get out of here then?"

"Where’s Ellie sir? I haven’t seen her since they brought me in here and the nurse said they hadn’t been able to reach her this morning."

"She had a bit to drink when she got home last night lad but I’m sure she’s okay. Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll take you home?"

"I don’t really have anything except what I was wearing yesterday. I was hoping she might bring something when she came to pick me up."

"Tell you what, you stay here and rest up a bit more sunshine and I’ll see to calling her again."

The selfish bitch, he thought as he left Peter to go outside for a fag and to call Ellie. What the ’ell does she think she’s playing at?

***

"No luck with the little woman yet sunshine but try these on for size. Meant to drop them off at Oxfam last week but never got round to it. Don’t worry, they’re clean. Just got a bit tight is all."

He dropped a mismatched assortment of clothes onto Peter’s bed and sat in a chair in the corner of the room to watch while he dressed.

"Do you have sit there while I’m dressing sir?"

"Gone all shy on me sunshine? Just thought you might need some help is all. And don’t worry, you ain’t got nothing I’ve not seen bigger and better than at the rugby club," Dalziel leered, wiggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Realising that Dalziel meant to stay no matter what he said, Peter got up and started to dress. He was still tired and his body ached from the punishment of the fight in the mine so he found it harder than he had thought it would be to dress himself. Putting on a pair of shoes required more effort than he was capable of and he dropped back onto the bed in a state of anger and frustration.

"Let me help you with that.’

The gentle tone caught him off-guard. It was not something he usually associated with the fat man. Nor was the look of caring that softened the otherwise unhandsome features. Peter was the first to look away but he sat up and dropped his feet over the side of the bed while Dalziel helped him into the shoes.

"Right then, not your usual spiffing self but you’ll do till we get you home. Can you walk or should I ask sister to carry you out to the car?"

"I think I can manage it sir."

"Alright, but I can think of more pleasant ways of putting my back out than hauling you off the ground sunshine so let me give you a hand."

Peter slipped an arm around Dalziel’s shoulder and Dalziel slid his arm around Peter’s waist as they made their way to the desk to sign the release papers then out to the car.

***

They made no effort at conversation and Dalziel drove with unusual restraint as he steered the car towards Peter and Ellie’s house.

"Give me your keys, stay here, and I’ll open up," ordered Dalziel as he parked the car.

In no mood to argue, Peter did as he was told.

"Ellie? Ellie lass, where are you?"

Dalziel walked into the living room where he had left her earlier this morning but there was no sign of her. He made his way to the bedroom, calling out to her. No Ellie but the room was a mess. Draws had been left half-open, a bra and a pair of stockings trailed to the ground. And then he saw the note on the dressing table.

"Peter, I need some time. I don’t know where I’m going so please don’t try to find me. As soon as I find some place to stay I’ll call you. Ellie."

Dalziel was gobsmacked. He knew that Peter and Ellie had been having problems recently, but he’d had no idea that things had gone this far. Tucking the note into his pocket he decided that now was not the time to be telling Peter the whole truth about the situation. He’d say that Ellie had gone to stay with her parents for a few days, that her father had become much worse and that her mother couldn’t cope. She’d left a note asking him to look after Peter for a few days till she got back.

He tossed some of Peter’s clothes into an overnight bag and hurried back to the car, hoping that Peter had not tried to follow him into the house. He needn’t have worried. Peter was asleep. Nor did he wake up until they were stopping outside Dalziel’s house.

"What are we doing here sir?" asked Peter.

"Ellie left a note. Said that her father was much worse and that she’d had to leave in a hurry to help out her mother. Asked me to look after you for a few days until she got back so I thought I’d bring you here."

"Can I see the note sir?"

"Don’t think I brought it with me. Don’t trust me sunshine?" Dalziel made a show of searching his pockets but came up with nothing.

"Lets get you settled in and you can have a little rest before lunch."

***

What worried Dalziel most about Peter was not how pale and tired he looked, that was to be expected. What worried him most was the look of resignation in Peter’s eyes. He’d not asked any more about Ellie and he’d not put up any resistance to Dalziel’s uncharacteristic fussing as he’d led the younger man into the spare bedroom. He hadn’t even risen to the bait when Dalziel joked about the ill-fitting assortment of clothes he’d worn home from the hospital. Peter had merely taken them off, folded them neatly and placed them on a chair before donning a pair of boxers taken from the bag Dalziel had packed for him and crawling into bed.

Dalziel went down to the kitchen and looked through the fridge for something to eat. The bread hadn’t gone mouldy but there was precious little else in there that was edible or appealing. He didn’t want to leave Peter alone while he went shopping so tinned soup and toast would have to do for now. Maybe a Chinese takeaway for dinner. Tomorrow they would shop. That settled, Dalziel poured himself a drink and lit a cigarette while he thought about what to do next.

Ever a practical man, Dalziel called the station and asked to speak to Wield.

"I’ll not be in for a few days sergeant and I need you to do something for me. Unofficial like. And you’re to tell no one. Understand?"

Wield sensed that Dalziel was in no mood to be contradicted so he listened carefully to what the Fat Controller had to say then he went about his business with his usual tact and quiet efficiency

***

"You ready for something to eat then sunshine?" Dalziel called, opening the door to the spare bedroom to find Peter thrashing fitfully in his sleep. He stood and watched for a moment, listening in case Peter said anything but the only noise he heard was a muffled sob as Peter half woke and turned his face into the pillow. Not realising that Dalziel stood in the doorway, Peter gave in to a feeling of utter despair. He hadn’t believed what Dalziel had told him about Ellie but knew there was no point in pressing him for the truth. If the Fat Controller thought that he was doing the right thing, nothing would budge him until he was ready. And anyway, he didn’t need Dalziel to tell him that she’d gone. He’d known for days now that it was inevitable, that it was only a matter of time before she would leave him. He couldn’t begin to understand where it had all gone so terribly wrong and he hadn’t the strength to think it through just yet so he abandoned himself to feeling. And to the terrible sobs that shook his body until Dalziel could not stay watching any more.

He walked towards the bed, overcoming that masculine reserve that dictated that a man must not intrude on such a moment, that he must fight the urge to offer comfort rather than violate the privacy of another mans sorrow. He sat on the bed and pulled Peter into his arms, hugging him close as he had done Ellie some twelve hours before. He could think of no words to say to his friend and contented himself with providing what physical comfort he could. And it was a mark of Peter’s absolute vulnerability that it never occurred to him to draw away, to ask to be left alone to grieve. In fact, he felt himself returning the big man’s hug, pulling him closer and burrowing his head into Dalziel’s shoulder. He felt his body still somewhat and though his mind was in turmoil he was content to stay like this for now.

***

"I won’t ask if you’re alright sunshine. Even I’m not that daft." It was Dalziel who broke the silence some time later.

He tried to draw away. He wanted to look into Peter’s face and to ask him for an explanation but now that the initial outburst was over, Peter was engulfed by a sense of embarrassment and the feeling that it was better to sit here burrowing into Dalziel’s shoulder than to look him in the eye and risk having to talk about how he felt.

"We can’t stay here like this all day sunshine. For one thing, you’re not my type."

He regretted the words the moment they left his lips for he felt Peter tense up and shrink away. Dalziel relinquished his hold although every part of him wanted to pull Peter close, to take away his pain. Head bowed, Peter turned from him but Dalziel didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath and the desperate struggle not to give vent to another bout of tears.

"Not hers either I daresay." Peter’s voice was barely audible.

"I’m sorry sunshine. I didn’t mean it."

Dalziel reached out but Peter resisted - until he felt the big man draw away. He couldn’t bear the thought of being alone right now so he turned and looked at Dalziel.

"Please stay," he said.

He sensed that Dalziel was reluctant to touch him again. Not understanding why, he blamed himself. He sat, abject, suffering, wanting so badly to be held and comforted but unable to reach out and as Dalziel looked at him he knew that he was lost. When he looked back on things later, he was sure that it was at that moment that his feelings for Peter had begun to change.

Dalziel reached for him but held him at arms length and willed him to look into his eyes.

"No, I’m sorry sunshine. I’ve never been good at this kind of thing. I don’t know what to say or what to do to make you feel better."

Peter looked at him properly for the first time since he’d come into the room. He saw the pain in Dalziel’s eyes and wondered when they’d grown so close that his hurt could affect the other man so strongly.

"Don’t leave me."

"No sunshine. I’ll not leave you," Dalziel promised as he drew Peter into his arms and hugged him gently.

***

Peter woke up first, surprised that either of them had managed to relax enough to fall asleep. He turned slowly and carefully till he was looking at the other man and tried to remember how they had ended up like this. He could see himself in Dalziel’s arms, feel them tight around his body as he relaxed into his embrace. He felt the soft wool of a jumper beneath his cheek, smelt that mix of cigarettes and whisky that he always associated with the Fat Controller. And then something unfamiliar and unexpected. He felt Dalziel’s breath fanning his hair as the big man leaned forward and planted a kiss on the top of his head. A kiss so light and brief that Peter wasn’t even sure it had happened. But Dalziel had gathered him closer, resting his chin against Peter’s soft honey-blond hair and whispering, "I’ll not leave you sunshine." And Peter was sure then that it had happened, sure that he could relax, could sleep, and know that Dalziel would be there when he woke up. Not like Ellie… A tremor passed through him as he thought of her and their daughter and he felt himself gathered closer into Dalziel’s embrace, felt a pair of large and surprisingly gentle hands reach around to stroke his back rhythmically till he relaxed and his head grew heavy. Dalziel tried to release him then, to lay him down on the bed but Peter would have none of it. Clinging to Dalziel, he brought the other man down with him and pulled him towards the centre of the big bed, releasing him only for the time it took to draw the covers over him.

Dalziel lay still and waited till Peter had settled before shifting slightly to kick off his shoes. Still uncomfortable he looked over at Peter and decided to risk taking off his trousers and jumper. The air was cool against his flesh and he moved closer to Peter, both because he felt the younger man stir restively and reach out for him and because the warmth radiating from his body drew him like a moth to flame. At that second he would have gladly chosen to burn for an eternity in the fires of hell if that was the price to be paid for one moment of guilty pleasure… That way lies madness Dalziel, he told himself. It was wrong to look at Peter and want anything from him while he was in that condition. Dalziel knew it but could do nothing about it. Nothing but get up and leave. And how could he do that after he’d promised Peter that he would stay? He turned and curled into himself, away from Peter. He lay that way for a long time, listening to Peter’s steady breathing and regaining a measure of inner peace till finally he too slept.

***

When Peter woke up, Dalziel was no longer curled into a protective ball, keeping all the pains of the world at bay. He lay sprawled on his stomach, his left arm draped in a proprietary manner across Peter’s chest. The Fat Controller stirred, drawing closer to Peter in his sleep and nuzzling tenderly at his throat. Peter was surprised at the gentleness of the gesture. Tenderness. Dalziel?

Dalziel loved this state - somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. A mind untroubled by the cares of the world at large, its thoughts restricted to the confines of this bed, this world. And his body responding lazily to the one sprawled next to him. A willing, unhurried partner who rewarded his nuzzling by moving even closer. Someone like that deserved a bit more attention he thought, throwing a leg over hers and rubbing his half-hard cock against her thigh.

Dalziel wanted to stay like this forever but something was troubling him and bringing him reluctantly to a waking state. He felt a warm body next to him but something about it was not quite right. Something was missing. He groped around the chest again but there was definitely nothing there. He wondered if he was having one of those strange dreams again where the woman he slept with mutated into some hideous alien and devoured him. No, the body next to him was neither female nor alien mutant. It was a man. It was Peter. And now he began to remember nuzzling a neck and rutting against a thigh. He was sprawled half-naked and almost fully erect against another copper. Another male copper. Peter. He was here with Peter and he had to find some way to get out of it before he did either of them any more damage. Maybe he could pretend that he was still asleep, wait it out till Peter got up or went back to sleep.

But Peter had no intention of doing either. Nor was he going to let Dalziel off so lightly. He moved closer, sliding his body further under Dalziel’s. He felt the Fat Controller tense and try to slide away so took hold of a flank to hold him in place. He wasn’t quite sure why he was doing this. He’d never really fancied a tumble in the sheets with any man, let alone Dalziel, but so much had changed in his life recently, so much he had been sure of… Dalziel made another attempt to roll off but Peter held him close.

This was just too much.

"What the ’ell do you think you’re playing at sunshine?" he demanded, fixing the blond with a look that had caused many a hardened villain to confess in the past.

"Oh, I thought you were still asleep sir." Confronted directly, Peter could think of no reasonable excuse for his behaviour.

"For God’s sake, will you stop calling me sir!" he exploded, maintaining the attack while trying to extricate himself from the tangle of limbs.

He wondered if he could make it to the shower without Peter knowing what he was up to. Twice in one day. This was getting to be a habit.

"You don’t have to do it alone Andrew."

What was he, psychic, mused Dalziel, or was it just that his need was so obvious. Guess there was no chance that he hadn’t felt the half-hard cock against his thigh then. Best to bluff it out.

"What the hell do you mean sunshine?" Dalziel sounded furious. "Think I’m this months police charity or something? And if you think I’d take advantage of someone in your position… I’ve some self-control you know…"

Before Dalziel could finish Peter snapped, "And what position would that be? The abandoned husband or the lower ranking officer SIR?" At least he wasn’t denying that he was interested…

"One day you’ll push me too far sunshine!" But not today, please God, not today. He didn’t want this fight with Peter and his rising temper was having no effect on his erection.

He tried to get up again but Peter grabbed his arm and held on. He couldn’t see how he could get away short of hurting Peter and that was something he couldn’t do.

"You said you wouldn’t leave me."

"Christ sunshine. I wake up in bed with you, nuzzling your neck and rutting against your leg with a hard-on I can’t control and you want me to stay! You aren’t in any fit state to know what you want right now and I’m not much better."

"I don’t want to be alone."

"And that justifies letting me fuck you? That is what you’re asking me to do isn’t it?

"I don’t know. I just want you to do what you promised me you’d do. Stay."

"Stay and do what? Sometimes I’m not even sure you like me so just what is it you’re proposing we do? Christ Peter, we work together. We see each other every day. You have a wife and daughter, my goddaughter. What happens if things don’t turn out the way you want? Worse still, what if they do? Where do we go from there? Have you thought about how I feel? Even if you were a woman we shouldn’t be doing this."

Peter let him go, suddenly as unsure of himself as he was of the man he wanted so badly. Dalziel could see it in his eyes. He wanted to stay, as much for himself as for Peter, but was it right? Did either of them really want to see how far this could go? He realised that he’d still been aroused even after he’d known it was Peter he was in bed with. One of them had to make the hard choice and he wasn’t sure he had the strength to do it.

"We shouldn’t be doing this. I out-rank you." Even to his own ears it sounded lame considering the circumstances.

"Is that the best you can do?"

"This isn’t a joke Peter. There are good reasons for not doing this."

"And what about my reasons for wanting to? Do they matter?"

"Given it a lot of thought since you woke up with me kissing your neck and rubbing against your leg like an alley cat? What’s it been, all of five minutes? You must have it all worked out by now, what with your university education and all."

"Maybe I don’t have it all worked out. Maybe I’m not even sure exactly what I want. But there are some things I do know. I want to be held, comforted. I want to stop feeling like I’ve nothing to live for. I want to feel like there’s one other person in the world that I matter to. I know Ellie’s walked out on me. I couldn’t bear it if you walked out on me too. Stay. Please."

"I never had you down as the type who needed to use emotional blackmail to get a leg-over. Was I your first choice or is it any port in a storm?"

"Christ you can be cruel sometimes Dalziel. Are you deliberately trying to hurt me or is it just impossible for you to even try to understand how I might be feeling at the moment?"

"It’s because I know all too well how you’re feeling at the moment that I want to stop us from doing something we can only come to regret later."

For the longest time, Peter said nothing. Then in a quiet voice he admitted, "You’re right. I know you are. This isn’t fair on you. I’d suppose I’d better go."

But Peter made no move to rise. Just lay there looking vulnerable - and beautiful. An arm flung across his eyes, his head turned away, he seemed totally unaware of the intense scrutiny he was under.

Dalziel looked down at the body that lay stretched out before him, his for the taking, like some pagan offering laid out before a hungry god.

He groaned his surrender and straddled Peter, taking him into his arms. He knew that what he was about to do was wrong but just now Dalziel was beyond caring. Looking at Peter he lost all control.

He leaned in for a kiss. Peter’s lips were softer than he had imagined. He traced their outline with his tongue and thought about deepening the kiss but Peter beat him to it, opening his lips and drawing Dalziel’s tongue into his mouth. He felt Peter’s fingers weave their way through his hair, felt the other man rise up to bring their bodies closer together.

Dalziel pulled away. "Are you well enough for this?"

"I’m tired. My body aches. But I’m not dead."

Peter worked his hands slowly down Dalziel’s neck and took him firmly by the shoulders, drawing him back to resume the kiss. His hands slid down Dalziel’s body till they reached his hips. Peter held Dalziel still and arched up to meet him, pressing his erection against Dalziel’s. He released his hold as he felt Dalziel pull away.

"Steady on sunshine. Plenty of time. And an old fella like me needs to take things a bit more slowly."

Peter tried to hide his disappointment but Dalziel was not unobservant. He traced a finger around Peter’s lips. They parted eagerly and Peter drew a finger into his mouth. The gentle suction promised glorious & frightening possibilities. He withdrew the finger & kissed Peter tenderly, languidly. He ran a hand slowly across Peter’s forehead and down his cheek.

"I’ve never done this before," he whispered to Peter when they finally broke apart.

"Say what?"

"With a man I mean."

"Then you’ll need a lot more practise I expect," Peter teased and offered up his mouth.

"God you’re beautiful. I don’t know how she could look at another man."

Before Peter could say anything, Dalziel recaptured his lips. It wasn’t so different to being with a woman he thought. Not this part anyway. And he’d always enjoyed this part. He plunged his tongue into Peter’s mouth again and felt his partner take hold of the back of his head and pull him closer. Peter was desperate in his need. Dalziel hadn’t experienced this kind of eagerness since those early days of ecstatic fumbling behind the bicycle shed. He wondered just how much Peter expected, just how much he could give.

Locked together in a kiss, Peter met no resistance as he rolled Dalziel onto his side then onto his back, settling himself comfortably over the body of the larger man. He wondered just what else the Fat Controller was up for. Moving a hand towards Dalziel’s middle, Peter slipped it under the thin cloth of his t-shirt and slowly worked his way up the solid chest till he found a nipple. He brushed it with the palm of his hand and felt Dalziel thrust towards him to deepen the contact.

"Let me take that off," Peter cajoled as he tried to undress a not entirely willing Dalziel.

"What’s the hurry sunshine?"

"I want to feel you. I want to look at you."

"An old codger like me?"

"A talkative, uncooperative old codger like you," Peter complained as he took hold of Dalziel’s nipple and twisted it, stifling the other’s cry by latching onto his mouth.

"Kiss it better for you?" he offered, renewing his seemingly futile assault on Dalziel’s offending undergarment. "Christ, I’d have an easier time undressing a nun. Do you enjoy making it difficult for me or do you always make your partners work so hard for it?"

Dalziel let out a small snort and stopped resisting. The prospect of having his abused nipple kissed better was appealing but he hoped he could persuade Peter to lavish loving attention on the other one without first inflicting pain.

Peter cast the t-shirt aside and looked at Dalziel but the older man met his gaze only briefly before he looked away.

"That what you wanted then?" Dalziel was certain that his partner would be disappointed.

It was Peter’s turn to reach out and take hold of Dalziel’s chin, forcing eye contact as he spoke.

"Right now, you’re what I want Andrew. I’ve told you how I feel. I can’t lie about why I’m doing this."

"I know sunshine. I made my own decision. I just don’t want you to be disappointed."

"God Andy." For once Peter could think of nothing to say that would convey his feelings better than a kiss. Still holding Dalziel’s chin he leaned forward and brought their mouths together, grinding his hips suggestively, then broke the contact to lay a trail of kisses down Dalziel’s neck, across his shoulder and down to his left nipple. He teased it with his tongue before taking the puckered bud gently between his teeth. He rubbed the other one with the palm of his hand and felt the small explosion of breath as Dalziel’s head fell forward. He nipped and licked his way clear across to the other side of the big man’s chest and lavished similar attention on the right nipple in an effort to distract Dalziel’s attention from the hand snaking its way down his body till it covered his erection.

Dalziel was torn. The thinking part of him still couldn’t accept that he was doing this, couldn’t stop the guilt, the feeling that he was taking advantage of Peter. He’d never been attracted to a man in this way before. His cock though, as so often happened,

had ideas of its own, so when Peter placed a hand on his erection and Dalziel felt that frisson of pleasure in his groin he lost the battle with reason. He thrust upward, actively encouraging the younger man’s exploration.

"Like that do ya?" Peter’s voice was husky with excitement.

As he sought the opening of Dalziel’s boxers he suddenly thought the better of it and reached instead for the waistband and tugged.

"Let me take these off Andy."

Dalziel began to panic. Which was ridiculous really, when he thought about it. It wasn’t like he’d never done this before. Well, he’d never actually done it with a man but he was sure that some of it was the same really… All cats are black in the dark as his mother used to say. Not about this though surely. His thoughts were all over the place. God, he was more nervous than when he’d lost his virginity.

"You’re thinking again aren’t you?" Peter had noticed Dalziel’s resistance to his determined tugging. "I’d hoped I’d gotten you past that point by now Andy. Let me take these off and show you just how much I want you. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to you know. To be honest, I’m not sure how much I’m capable of just at the moment."

Dalziel didn’t move.

"God Andy, I’d have had an easier time with Ellie. If you’ve changed your mind tell me now before I make an even bigger fool of myself."

"Christ sunshine, I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life. I just don’t understand why this is happening between us. Oh. I know…"

Peter couldn’t stay quiet and listen to this. "Why do you always have to understand?" he interrupted. "Why can’t you just trust to feeling. And if you have to think, why can’t you just think with your dick? Isn’t that what men are supposed to do! Why do you always have to be different!"

Peter turned away, anger robbing him of his passionate need. He flinched when Dalziel touched his arm.

"Look at me Peter."

No reaction.

"Look at me."

A soft rustling of cloth as Dalziel removed the contentious item.

"Look at me and tell me this is what you really want."

Peter couldn’t help but look then. He turned back to Dalziel and his gaze swept him from top to toe, stopping to gaze appreciatively at the erect cock.

"Still want me sunshine?"

"So much," murmured Peter and launched himself on a voyage of exploration that encompassed every aspect of Dalziel’s body and entered its final stages when his mouth made contact with Dalziel’s cock.

By the time Peter had circumnavigated the vast and glorious expanse that was Dalziel, the Fat Controller was desperate with need. "Christ, I’m gonna come as soon as he touches me again," he fretted to himself, trying to think of something, anything, to lessen his arousal. Having got this far, he didn’t want it to end too soon.

Peter placed his hands firmly on Dalziel’s hips and pressed him down into the mattress before bending closer and taking the straining cock into his mouth. He coated it with saliva and then withdrew his mouth, pursing his lips and blowing gentle gusts at the drying skin. Dalziel shivered with excitement and Peter leaned forward and captured his balls, rolling them around in his mouth. Releasing his hold on Dalziel’s hips, Peter wrapped a hand around Dalziel’s cock and placed the other gently around his balls, squeezing lightly. He raised his head to see what effect he was having on Dalziel.

"Still want to think about it?" He licked his lips in a slow, deliberate way.

The growled, "just get on with it sunshine," was accompanied by a desperate thrust and Dalziel propped himself up on his elbows as Peter dipped his head.

As Dalziel watched his cock disappear into Peter’s mouth he thought that he had never experienced such an intensely erotic moment. He felt himself welcomed into a soft, warm place, felt a skilful tongue laving his heated flesh. He was so good. Had he done this before? As Peter sucked and worked him with his hands, Dalziel felt that familiar tightening in his balls and knew that this would all be over too soon. The way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach, Dalziel thought, it’s through his balls. And Peter didn’t need any diagrams.

"I’m gonna come," he warned his partner, expecting him to pull away, but Peter simply redoubled his efforts until he felt the warm, salty seed spilling forth from Dalziel’s cock. Even then he didn’t stop, milking Dalziel until he felt the other man relax and fall back onto the bed.

"Christ!" It came out somewhere between a snort and a laugh and Peter smiled inwardly.

He withdrew his mouth and placed a light kiss on the tip of the spent organ before sliding his way up Dalziel’s body, bringing their faces close together.

"Not sorry are you Andy?"

"Sunshine, if you need to ask that, I don’t want to think about what your sex life has been like lately."

Peter looked at him, bemused. He didn’t think Dalziel was even aware of the idiot grin spread across his face. He looked like the Cheshire Cat. He leaned forward and kissed Dalziel then flopped back onto the bed, happy that he had been able to do that for his friend. His lover. Peter wondered what Dalziel would say when he came to his senses. But he had more immediate concerns of his own and wondered how best to satisfy them. He squirmed uncomfortably, reaching a hand down to his straining organ. Dalziel had certainly enjoyed being on the receiving end but by his own admission he’d never been with a man before. Could Peter expect him to return the favour?

"What’s the matter sunshine?" Dalziel enjoyed devilling Peter. "Need some help there." He propped himself on one elbow and turned on his side to look at Peter.

His gaze travelled slowly from the tousled blond hair to the too beautiful face. He took in every perfect feature of the body before him. And then he wondered what the hell he was going to do next. One thing he couldn’t afford to do was think too much. He focused on Peter’s lips, remembering how they’d felt around his cock, his balls… I can do this. NO. I want to do this…

He drew Peter into his arms and kissed him. He let a hand wander down over Peter’s chest, feeling the soft hair that surrounded his nipples. He allowed the hand to travel further south on its journey of exploration, stopping only when it encountered an obstruction. He took hold of the waistband of Peter’s boxers and pulled gently as Peter raised his hips off the bed to help. He took the hard cock into his hand and gave it a small, experimental squeeze while looking into Peter’s eyes.

"What do you want, sunshine?" He stroked Peter’s cock, revelling in the softness of the skin and the heat that radiated from it. Grabbing Peter’s balls, he pulled down on them gently, then caressed them lovingly, feeling their weight in the palm of his hand. "Tell me."

But Peter couldn’t, or wouldn’t.

"Is this what you want?" Dalziel slid down till his head was level with Peter’s erection and ran his tongue lightly around the tip before withdrawing contact.

"Have I told you lately what a sadistic bastard you are Dalziel?"

"So you have retained the power of speech. Should have guessed that about you petal. Have to see what we can do about shutting you up."

Peter squirmed uncomfortably beneath him and he delayed no more. Bending forward, he ran his tongue behind the little ridge near the head of Peter’s cock. Replacing it with a teasing fingertip, Dalziel licked the underside of Peter’s rigid cock, from his balls to the tip. Then he placed his lips around it and moved worshipfully down that solid tower of flaming hot flesh. He worked Peter hard, sucking till his cheeks began to ache. He brought him close to orgasm then withdrew his mouth, sliding up to take Peter in a hard, demanding kiss. Peter flailed wildly under him, so close to completion that his balls ached.

"Pleeeeeaaaaase."

Dalziel hadn’t thought that the word could sound so drawn out.

Peter felt Dalziel slide back down, felt a swirling tongue around the head of his cock then felt himself drawn deep into a hungry mouth. Peter bucked up as Dalziel drew back, begging that this time he would be granted satisfaction. He felt a hand cup his balls and then felt Dalziel’s mouth fix itself firmly around his cock. He felt his body tense and then his semen pump fourth rhythmically into Dalziel’s mouth. Dalziel swallowed what he could then let go of Peter and, cat-like, licked at a small pool on Peter’s belly before settling his head against a still trembling thigh. When the tremors ceased, Peter sat up and lifted Dalziel’s head from its resting-place on his thigh.

Pulling him up into a sitting position, Peter kissed him fiercely for a few moments then bent his head and rested it on the older man’s shoulder.

"Enjoy that did you then?" Dalziel tried to gauge Peter’s reaction but it was hard when his friend was refusing to look at him. Dalziel didn’t press the point, too afraid of what he might see in Peter’s eyes. Was he regretting it already? He contented himself with taking Peter gently into his arms and laying them both down on the bed. He pulled Peter close and was happy to feel him relax into the embrace, settling his head on Dalziel’s broad chest and draping an arm across him. Dalziel ran a hand absently up and down Peter’s side.

Where would they go from here?

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