Hi All,

I have been agonizing over this story for far too long and it STILL isn't finished. I usually don't post something until I have completed it, but I thought I might in this case. My problem with it so far is that no matter what I WANT to happen...poor Archie seems to end up committing suicide which is DEFINITELY not the ending I want.

SO, I am starting to post what I DO have in small sections, in the hope that I might find a little inspirtation. I'm not necessarily aiming for a happy ending, but I don't want a tragic one either. Realism is what I am hoping for <G> so don't look for too much romance.

JJ [Minerva]

This follows on from Through Archie's Eyes and is entitled...    

Through Archie's Eyes, Part Two

By Minerva

Disclaimer: No copyright infringment intended. No profit made, just a bit of fun.

Rating: MA 15+ [At this stage at least]

Acting Lieutenant Archie Kennedy allowed himself a small smile as he saw the reaction on the faces of the five men in front of him. One, Captain Reeves, nodded his approval and wrote a few lines on the crisp white sheet of paper.

One more question to go! One more question and Archie knew he would pass his Lieutenant’s exams. He thought of the many nights spent with his friend Horatio, reading over the numerous journals and books on seamanship. The long hours of study had paid off. Horatio and Captain Pellew would be proud of him.

The first question had been a complicated one about the rigging on a frigate sailing ahead of a strong wind, a treacherous reef to the starboard side. When Captain Howard asked about a sudden wind change, Archie had answered without hesitation. The way the question was phrased had confused the issue, but the answer was straight out of a textbook.

The second question had concerned a confrontation with a French Corvette and Archie had remembered a similar battle not a month previous. He silently thanked his Captain for taking the time to explain the maneuvers to his junior Officers afterwards. It was these same maneuvers that Archie repeated to the examination panel and which left them impressed.

One last question! Archie took a deep breath and looked at the man who had remained silent until this point. Captain Dunbar had a florid complexion that spoke of a fondness for drink. He leaned slightly forward and looked Archie up and down for a moment in a way that made him feel uncomfortable.

"Mr. Kennedy," Dunbar paused to wet his lips, his small pink tongue darting out like a snake, only to quickly disappear. "Mr. Kennedy, you are Officer of the watch and a young Midshipman comes to you complaining of a ruckus in the Midshipman’s berth. On examination you find two Midshipmen engaged in an unnatural act. What do you do?"

With a dry mouth that almost refused to respond Archie stammered out "Article 29 states that," but he wasn’t given a chance to finish.

"I know what The Articles of War state Mr. Kennedy! But what would you do? They are engaged in sodomy Mr. Kennedy! Sodomy." Captain Dunbar’s voice boomed around the quiet room. Archie looked at the other Captains, but their expressions remained neutral.

"I’d find out if it was consensual Sir," Archie replied quietly, his head starting to pound.

"And how would you do that man? What proof would you need?" Archie opened his mouth to speak but the questions kept coming. "One of them is only 12, just a boy? Do you take his word? If he said he was forced how would you know that he wasn’t lying to save his own skin?" Archie ran a shaking hand across his face in an attempt to clear his thoughts. "I, I would,"

"Its’ a hanging offense, damn it! Surely you know it goes on often enough, the trick is not to get caught! Think back to your own time as a Midshipman, Mr. Kennedy. A pretty lad like you must have had more than your fair share of offers." Dunbar smiled and licked his lips again and Archie tasted bile in his mouth as the unwelcome memories came rushing back from his past. Memories of Jack Simpson, his foul breath and rough hand, his cruel tortures and his sick perversions. "Well answer Mr. Kennedy? Answer the question! What would you do?"

But Archie was no longer in Admiralty House; he was reliving his nightly terror aboard the Justinian at the hands of Jack Simpson. "What would you do, Mr. Kennedy?"

"I’d kill him!" Archie Kennedy screamed before he slid into oblivion.

Somehow the rain seemed appropriate, Archie thought as he climbed the ladder and came on deck. There was no welcoming committee waiting and for that he was grateful. It was hardly a triumphant homecoming. Home, he winced at the word, but it was true nonetheless. In the 3 years since he came aboard the Indy it had come to feel like home. Perhaps that was because Horatio was here.

As if on cue, the young dark-haired Lieutenant suddenly appeared, a sad smile gracing his full red lips. "Archie, I’m sorry it didn’t go well for you. Maybe you’ll have better luck next time?"

Archie looked into the dark eyes that he knew so well and saw pity there. He looked away. "Yes, maybe next time." They stood for a few more minutes in silence, rain dripping off their hats and down their cloaks. Just like when we first met, Archie thought to himself. He was about to mention this, but Horatio spoke first. "Captain Pellew is waiting for you in his cabin." The dark eyes were soft again, almost apologetic.

With a dispirited nod Archie made his way below deck and shed his wet cloak, before nodding to the marine sentry on duty to announce him at the Captain’s door.

"Come in," the stern voice answered. Archie bit his lip, squared his shoulders and entered.

"Ah Mr. Kennedy. Good to have you back. We can get underway at last." It was a slight rebuke, but one that didn’t go unnoticed. After his fit at Admiralty House, Archie had spent some time in a nearby hospital being thoroughly examined by the two naval doctors. He was released after two days, and in that time, Archie knew that word of his misfortune had been sent to his Captain along with a full report. He had worried that the Indy would simply leave without him and fretted away his time in the hospital, wondering what would become of him. But on release, he had been ordered back to his Ship carrying a package of letters from the Admiralty which he now handed over to Captain Pellew. At least he had managed to do that without incident.

Pellew eyes flicked over the dispatches briefly, before opening one and reading it. His eyes strayed up to Archie who stood silently at attention.

"Well Mr. Kennedy, are you quite recovered now?" It was said in a friendly enough manner, but Archie felt cold inside.

"Yes thank you Sir, and I’m sorry that I disgraced…"

"Nonsense, Mr. Kennedy. Thing’s such as this happen from time to time. You can’t be held responsible." Pellew looked away and Archie wondered if this was the signal for dismissal.

"If that is all then Sir, I’ll return to my quarters and prepare for my next watch." But before he could leave the Captain turned back and fixed him with a direct stare.

"There’s one more thing Mr. Kennedy." Archie felt his heart sink. He wanted to look away, wanted to run. Anything rather than hear what his Captain had to say next.

"The Admiralty has ordered that you be relieved of your duties as acting Lieutenant for the time being. There are some concerns regarding your fitness to command. You can take your place with the Midshipmen until further orders." There was sympathy in the Captain’s voice, but it was lost on Archie. He hung his head.

"Yes Sir," He replied meekly and turned to go.

"Oh, and Mr. Kennedy, stay out of the rigging. We wouldn’t want any accidents."

Horatio must have known, Archie told himself as he gathered up his few possessions from the small quarters that had been his concession as Acting Lieutenant. Hell, probably the whole ship knew by now. Just how much they knew remained to be seen. But I’ve lived with worse, Archie thought to himself with something almost like pride. He smiled, taking comfort from the fact that he was still here and Jack Simpson was dead.

The noise from the Midshipmen’s berth could be heard long before Archie ducked his head through the doorway. All the midshipmen were there congregating below decks out of the rain. The lively chatter stopped as they slowly registered Archie’s presence.

"Welcome back Mr. Kennedy. Or should that be plain old Archie again?" Samuel Beddows asked. He was 18 years old and prone to smart comments. His rough manner did nothing to endear him to the other midshipman either.

"Yes Samuel, just plain old Archie again."

"Will the Captain be assigning a new Acting Lieutenant?" Elijah Kenny asked. Kenny was the most senior Midshipman, 19 years old, but with Archie’s return he would loose that seniority.

"I have no idea." Archie replied as he made his way across the room.

"Shame to let those nice snug quarters go to waste Archie. I’d love to have quarters like that." Peter Crittenden grinned at the young man beside and promptly broke into laughter. His friend, Harry Stratford elbowed him so hard in the ribs that the Crittenden almost fell off the sea chest where he was sitting.

"And we all bloody know what you two would be doing in there too!" Beddows declared, which only caused the two young men to laugh even more.

Some things never change, Archie thought as he looked away and straight into a strange set of blue eyes looking up at him from the far corner.

"Who are you?" he asked, before he realised how rude the question sounded.

"That there is little Baby Riley! Came on board yesterday and spent all night crying for his mother. He needs a bloody wet nurse." Beddows had come to stand behind Archie and he now reached out his hand to pat Riley’s strawberry blonde curls. "Pat the baby off to sleep, Wah Wah."

Riley flinched away, a look of fear in his eyes.

"That’s enough Samuel, let him be." Beddows backed off, grumbling. "Like that is it Archie? Going to spoil all our fun?" He walked over to Crittenden and Stratford and gave them both a light slap around the ears. "You two hear that? You’d better make sure Mr. Kennedy doesn’t catch you at your tricks or he’ll hang you from the main yard!"

Archie focused his attention on the new comer who sat white faced in the corner. "I’m Archie Kennedy what’s your name?"

"Jonathan Riley." The voice was soft and shook a little.

"And how old are you Jonathan?" It was hard to tell in the dim lamp light.

"I’m nearly fifteen." Fifteen, three years older than Archie had been when he first came to sea and yet Riley seemed so young.

"Well you’ll get used to all of this," Archie gestured over his shoulder with a toss of his head. "They’re not a bad lot when you get to know them. And no one will give you any trouble, I’ll make sure of it." There was a snort of laughter from behind which Archie ignored. Riley leaned forward, chewing his bottom lip.

"Last night, Mr. Beddows said he was going to cut off my hair, because it was bad luck to have red hair on a ship!" The boy’s blue eyes were wide with apprehension. Beddows would get a pretty sum for that hair too, Archie thought to himself, noting the ringlets that hung onto Riley’s shoulders and down his back. "And this morning someone had…..pissed in my shoe!"

Archie raised his hand to hide his smile. Pranks such as these were rather harmless compared to some things he’d seen played on unsuspecting Midshipmen.

"Well it might be best if you tied your hair back Jonathan and as for your shoes, put them into your sea chest at night and lock it. That should stop such things happening."

"Thank you Mr. Kennedy." Riley answered with a timid smile, which Archie returned.

"You can all me Archie," was his reply.

Back to a hammock again! Well it wouldn’t take long to get used to sleeping suspended again, Archie thought as he expertly launched himself into the hammock. The lamp was turned out and the middies berth was plunged into darkness. As Archie lay quietly he listened to the familiar noises that were ever present on a ship. The creak and groan of the timbers; the surge and gurgle of the sea. The sounds of muffled voices drifting through the ship. One ceased to be aware of them after a while they became so familiar.

A hammock creaked, followed by heavy breathing and other noises, faint but recognizable. Archie smiled to himself; Crittenden and Stratford making the most of the scant privacy that the darkness offered.

But then another sound slowly registered. A quiet sobbing and snuffling, Riley.

"Don’t start your wailing again Mr. Riley! Some of us are trying to sleep!" Beddows voice growled out in the darkness. The crying became more muffled, but it touched Archie’s heart. He slid out of his hammock and made his way over to Riley.

"Are you all right Jonathan?" he asked. There was more sniffling before the answer came. "Yes, I’m, sorry I disturbed you Archie."

"It’s all right, we were all home sick at one time or another. Why I remember when I first came on board the Justinian. I was twelve and I’ll never forget the terrible smell that hit me as I went below decks. It almost made me sick. I was so worried that they would think I was sea sick!"

There was a slight laugh in the dark. "That was my worst fear. That I’d be seasick and they would send me home! But I wasn’t. It hasn’t bothered me a bit."

They had weighed anchor that afternoon and were now well out to sea. It was unlikely Riley would be seasick if he hadn’t shown signs by now.

"Would you believe Mr. Hornblower was sea sick when he came aboard the first time? We were still anchored at Spit Head!" Another small laugh and Archie tried to think of another tale to take Riley’s mind off the family he was leaving behind.

But a soft moan from the other side of the cabin interrupted.

"What are they doing?" Riley whispered nervously. Damn, though Archie. He really didn’t want to have to explain this to the boy.

"Don’t worry about Peter and Harry. They’re not hurting anyone. They are just a bit lonely, that’s all."

Archie raised his voice, "All right Mr. Crittenden. Get back in your own hammock now. You’re keeping everyone awake."

"Oh Archie!" was the disappointed reply.

"Time for you to get back into your hammock too isn’t it Mr. Kennedy or are you going to be sleeping over there?" Beddows words were said in jest, but Archie felt the underlying sting.

"Get some sleep now, Jonathan. We’ll talk some more tomorrow," and Archie made his way back to his hammock.

"So how is it being back in the Middies’ Berth again, Archie?" Horatio asked as they stood side by side looking out across the sparkling ocean. The breeze carried gusts of spray, cooling their faces and leaving a layer of salt behind.

Archie turned to his friend and smiled. "Not bad, I’ve settled in now. Besides it’s different when you’re senior to everyone else. Beddows wasn’t too pleased."

Horatio licked the salt from his lips and adjusted his hat. "And are Stratford and Crittenden still at it?" he asked with a grin. "Oh yes, they’re like a pair of rabbits when the lamp is turned down. Can’t keep their hands off each other." Archie watched the slow blush appear on Horatio’s face and wondered what his friend was thinking. Were Horatio and the Captain still pursuing their relationship? If they were, then they were being very discreet. Archie hadn’t heard a whisper of gossip concerning the pair.

"So are you and Captain Pellew still seeing one another?" Archie asked, trying to make the question sound light. He didn’t want to offend Horatio.

"Oh yes," was the quiet reply. But Archie caught Horatio’s eye and his friend beamed a wide smile. "Quite a lot of each other, actually."

They stood in companionable silence a while longer, watching the white caps of the waves. Archie treasured these moments that were few and far between. He knew that Horatio had to be careful not to show him any favouritism, for both their sakes. There were already grumbles from Beddows that Archie thought himself better than the other Midshipmen.

"’Ware below," came a cry from the lookout above and both men looked up as telescope crashed to the deck nearby.

"My God!" cried Horatio and Archie followed his pointing finger to see a small figure clinging to the rat lines of the main mast high above, pale red hair streaming out behind. "It’s Riley!" Archie gasped, wondering what the boy was doing up in the rigging.

"What does he think he is doing? He’s climbing down the leeward side." Horatio called to the ratings who were standing on the main deck, watching. "Someone go aloft and help him." But before any of the crew could comply, Archie had responded. "I’ll go," he called as he ran forward.

"Mr. Kennedy! Wait, you’re not supposed…Archie come back here!"

Horatio’s voice was left below as Archie climbed. It was standard practice to go aloft on the windward side of the ship, so that the wind would press a body into the rigging. It was a practice that Jonathan Riley had obviously not yet learnt. The young midshipman had gone aloft correctly but had chosen the wrong side to descend. He was clinging frantically to the ratlines just below the platform on the main mast.

As Archie climbed higher, the force of the wind grew, pushing at him, stinging his eyes, taking his breath. The roll of the ship was more pronounced the higher one climbed. But Archie felt at home in the rigging, his years of experience aiding the difficult climb. He was soon beside the terrified boy who was clinging frozen to the ropes.

"Riley, we need to climb back up, do you understand. It will be easier. Then we can climb down on the other side. The wind will be behind us." Riley didn’t answer, simply gave a shaky nod.

"Up you go then, you first. I’ll be right behind you." It took some minutes, but finally the frightened midshipman moved one hand upwards, then another. They reached the platform and Riley gratefully crawled over to the mast and gripped it tightly. "Who sent you up here, Jonathan?" Archie asked as he sat down beside Riley. It would be better to let the boy gain his nerve a little before they tried descending again.

"Mr. Beddows said I should come up here to look out for mermaids." Riley said, his voice wobbling.

"Mr. Beddows is a liar, there are no mermaids, Jonathan. At least none that I’ve ever seen." Archie smiled gently. "You don’t have to take orders from Mr. Beddows or any of the Midshipman, Jonathan. Remember that." Archie wished someone had given him that advice when he was new. Not that it probably would have done much good against the likes of Simpson, but maybe if he had known, maybe if he had objected more or told someone or…

"Come on, let’s climb down now. We’ll go this side, it’s called the windward side, because the wind is blowing from there and it will help to hold us on to the rat lines rather than trying to blow us away. Do you understand?"

Riley nodded again and began the slow descent.

There seemed to be twice as many men on the decks when they finally reached the bottom. Horatio strode over, not looking at all pleased, his brow creased, his lips pursed.

"Go below Mr. Riley," he said to the pale midshipman before turning to Archie. "Mr. Kennedy, you are to report to Captain Pellew in his quarters." "Yes, Sir." Archie replied sheepishly not meeting his friend’s eyes.

Archie smoothed down his hair and pulled his uniform into order as the marine on duty rapped his musket on the ground and announced in a loud voice "Midshipman Kennedy, reporting as ordered Sir." More than anything Archie wanted to make a good impression on Captain Pellew, but somehow he always managed to do the wrong thing.

"Did you misunderstand what I meant when I said to stay out of the rigging Mr. Kennedy?" Pellew asked the moment Archie stood to attention. "Or do you just make it a habit to disobey direct orders?"

Archie blinked and wondered if Pellew was also referring to the incident at Musilliac. "Only when a life is at stake Sir," he said defiantly. Pellew’s eyes opened in surprise at that and Archie looked down meekly wondering if he had gone too far. He snapped back to attention and fixed his gaze on the cabin wall as he waited for his punishment.

But the Captain’s next words confused him even more. "I will overlook this incident Mr. Kennedy however if you EVER disobey an order again, I will turn you before the mast! Do you understand me?"

"Yes Sir," Archie replied, not daring to look his Captain in the eye. To be turned before the mast was probably the worse punishment a midshipman could imagine. To be made a common seaman, along with the rest of the ratings was the ultimate disgrace.

"And before you go, Mr. Kennedy. Thank you for keeping an eye out for Mr. Riley. I knew his father well."

Jonathan Riley was seated in the corner, holding the shattered remains of his telescope. He hurriedly wiped his red eyes and put the broken pieces into his sea chest when he saw Archie watching him from the doorway.

"Is it badly damaged?" Archie asked as he walked over to sit beside the younger man. They were alone for the moment, the cabin for once quiet.

"Yes, the glass is all broken. It was my father’s." The words were solemn and Archie deduced there was more to be told.

"He died three years ago, at sea. He was first lieutenant on the ‘Symphony’." Archie remembered hearing about that ship, lost in a gale, all hands presumed drowned. He thought of his own father, a man he only half remembered.

"I lost my father too, Jonathan, I was only three when he died so I don’t remember him very well." Riley nodded, as if the confidence had somehow bound them closer together.

"My father gave me the telescope just before my twelfth birthday because he knew he wouldn’t be home then. It was old, but very dear to him. He’d had it since he was a midshipman." The boy tried to stifle the sobs that threatened again and Archie sat quietly, waiting for Riley to compose himself once more.

"My father had wanted me to be a midshipman too, but after he was lost my Mother refused to let me go to sea at first, that’s why I am so old. I should have started two years ago and now I will never learn everything there is to know."

Archie smiled at Riley’s words. "You’re not that old Jonathan and you have plenty of time to learn."

" I do so want to be worthy of him." Riley said fervently as he wiped away his tears again. "He wasn’t a great man, he never made Captain, but he was important to ME."

"I’m sure he was Jonathan and he would be proud of you." Archie wondered if he should put his arm around Riley in a gesture of comfort, but hesitated. Instead he tried with words. " Once you learn a little, you will feel more comfortable. There’s a lot to get used to and it’s all so different. You’ve only been here a few days."

"Will you help me Archie?" It was a desperate plea from the heart. "No one seems to want to tell me anything. I don’t think the other’s like me."

"Of course I will help you." Archie replied, deeply touched by Jonathan’s trust. "And you’re wrong about the others. That’s just the way they welcome new lads. Most of the pranks are rather harmless but sometimes they go a little too far." The truth was that sometimes they went way too far and someone ended up getting hurt, but Archie kept that insight to himself.

Eight bells sounded heralding supper. "Come on, lets go get something to eat before Beddows finishes it all off."

Archie was almost asleep when he felt a hand on his arm and jerked upright with a cry. "It’s just me Archie, I didn’t mean to scare you." Jonathan Riley stood beside the hammock, a pale apparition in his white nightshirt.

"What’s wrong?" Archie gasped out, trying to stop his heart racing and telling himself that there were no ghosts on this ship, Simpson was dead!

"I was so frightened today Archie, up in the rigging. I thought I was going to die. Now I keep thinking about it, reliving it when I close my eyes." Archie nodded sympathetically, as memories of his own nudged at him. Once his heartbeat had returned to normal, Archie thought how comical Riley looked in the nightshirt which was so out of place on a navy battle ship. In time Riley would forget the conventions of home and sleep in either his shirt or breeches or simply a blanket depending on the climate. But for the moment the nightshirt was a desperately needed link to what he had left behind.

"I know it’s hard Jonathan but you have to put it from your mind. I’ll get Peter or Harry to take you up top tomorrow and show you what to do. Soon you’ll be up and down the rigging like a monkey."

Riley was still fidgeting, his hands gripping the edge of the hammock, kneading it. "Now go back to your hammock and get some sleep."

Blues eyes sought Archie’s, imploring, "Will you tell me another story Archie? Just to help me go to sleep. I do so like your stories?"

Cursing silently, Archie listened to see if any of their berth mates were awake, but the cabin was quiet except for Beddows snores. He swung out of his hammock and followed Riley to the far side of the cabin. Riley struggled back into his hammock amid a flurry of thin white legs and nightshirt.

"Do you want to climb in too Archie?" Riley asked, his voice soft in the darkness.

"I don’t think so Jonathan. It wouldn’t be right."

"But Peter and Harry do it all the time." Riley replied, then dropped his voice "I’m scared, and I wish I was home! Please Archie, you can sleep here with me tonight and I won’t be lonely."

Archie bit his lip, knowing he should refuse, but feeling sorry for the young midshipman. "Well just while I tell you the story, Jonathan, that’s all. Then I will go back to my own hammock."

"Thank you Archie." Riley proceeded to squirm around in a vain effort to make more room.

With a resigned sigh, Archie swung into the hammock beside him. It was impossible to maintain any distance between them and useless to try as a hammock naturally pulled a body to the centre. There was no need to be afraid, Archie told himself, this was Jonathan, not Simpson. But it was hard to lay there with someone beside him. He’d forgotten the fear he felt when someone was this close.

"I’ll tell you a story Jonathan, about a boy on a ship," Archie whispered. "A boy named Achilles and his friend Hamlet."

It wasn’t easy for Archie stay beside Riley and listen to the boys soft breathing slowly fall into the rhythm of sleep. His every instinct called out to him to flee the warm touch of the body curled beside him. But he steeled his resolve lay there quietly examining his fears and the uneasy memories that still plagued him.

It was this fear of being close to someone, of being touched, that had made him hesitate so many times with Horatio. There had been so many opportunities particularly when they were alone in the Spanish prison, but Archie had never been able to bring himself to make the first move, to reach out. If only Horatio had met him half way, it would have been easier. But he had lost his chance and now his dearest friend belonged to another. And it was all Jack Simpson’s fault!

Archie concentrated on the feel of Riley against his side. There was nothing threatening in that, he told himself. If anything, Riley felt warm and in a way, comforting. Simpson’s dead, he told himself again as he relaxed a little and tried to accustom himself to the feeling of a body beside him. I should go back to my own hammock Archie thought as he felt his own breathing slow and fall into the pace with Riley’s.

Archie awoke in the morning to find Riley was still beside him, sleeping curled on his side, facing away. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep and was surprised that he had slept so soundly, untroubled by nameless dreams.

"This is nice, Archie?" Beddows voice sounded from across the cabin. "Sleep well did you?"

"Just keep a civil tongue in your head Mr. Beddows!" Archie replied harshly as he swung his legs out. "I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t scared the wits out of Mr. Riley yesterday."

Beddows smiled, showing a row of yellowed teeth. "Well then you have something to thank me for, eh Archie."

It was too fine a day to be sitting doing calculations on the deck with Captain Pellew and Mr. Bowles the master, Archie thought dreamily as he tried to concentrate. Whenever possible their Captain liked to look in on the navigation classes to see how his Midshipman were progressing and would often test their knowledge. But today Archie found his thoughts drifting as he listened to his Captain pose another navigational problem.

They were patrolling in the Atlantic off the coast of North Africa, the sky clear, the day hot. The sun beat down as they scratched away on their slates. The flap of the canvas overhead told Archie that it would be cooler up in the rigging. But that was a luxury he would have to forgo.

"And the answer Mr. Kennedy? Are you still with us?" Pellew inquired. Archie looked up from his slate and replied without hesitation. He could teach this class himself; he had done the work so many times.

"Very good Mr. Kennedy. Now work out the heading to take us Sicily and calculate the distance from our current position." There was a frantic scratching of chalk on blackboards as the midshipmen set about their work. Archie glanced at Riley beside him and reached over to make a small correction to the calculation on his slate. The boy looked up and smiled in thanks, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Sail Ho!"

At the call, they all looked up but Pellew’s glare sent them back to work. "Take over Mr. Bowles," Pellew directed and made his way back to the quarter deck. As Officer of the Watch, Horatio was there and Archie couldn’t help but look up again to see what was happening. The Captain and Horatio both had their glasses out, trained on something. Then Pellew began giving orders and Acting Lieutenant Kenny made his way quickly down to Mr Bowles to deliver a message.

"Lessons are over for the day Gentlemen. We’ve sighted an unknown Barque and are giving chase. The Captain is about to order ‘All Hands’." Bowles voice sounded steady as always, but Archie felt a wave of excitement pass through the midshipmen. This would be their first engagement since leaving England. "To your stations now and smartly does it."

The scene changed rapidly as blackboards and stools were cleared away. The sense of expectation was palpable in the air.

When the call ‘All Hands’ was sounded, seamen began to stream onto the deck, like an army of ants from an anthill. To the uninformed it looked like chaos but each man had a place to be and a role to play.

They chased the Barque for almost two hours during which time Archie stood at his station by the foremast. He was part of Horatio’s division, along with Jonathan Riley. It was Riley who was sent aloft to supervise the hands when Pellew ordered more canvas set. Crittenden and Stratford had done their work well and Riley was as confident as the any top-man as he followed the ratings up to the yard.

They inched ever closer to the ship which was clearly trying to outrun them. "She’s sailing low in the water." Horatio murmured as he watched the ship through his telescope. "Well laden and probably heading for France. She’d make a nice prize."

Midshipman Crittenden, assigned to message duty on the quarter deck, came hurrying up to Horatio to pass on the Captain’s orders. In his best ‘Officer’s voice’ Horatio ordered his division to prepare to take in the forecourse sail on the Captain’s orders and to man the guns. Riley was away up the mast again and Archie helped supervise the gun crews as they opened the gun ports and ran out the guns. All was in readiness, sand spread on the deck, the men waiting nervously.

The engagement happened quickly. The smaller vessel raised the French Tricolour and tacked suddenly. It was a valiant effort to take the Indy by surprise and do the most damage with a raking shot to the bow.

But Pellew had anticipated the move and the order to take in sails was already sounding the length on the ship as the Frenchman fired. The Indy slowed suddenly, stopping her rush towards the oncoming fire and the round shot landed short, sending a huge plume of water into the air. At the same time Pellew ordered the ship brought around so they were once again side to side.

Riley came to stand beside Archie again, unconsciously fingering the hilt of the cutlass now belted at his side. "It might not come to that Jonathan." Archie guessed what was foremost in Riley’s mind. Frightened blue eyes caught Archie’s. "I don’t think I could kill a man." Riley said simply.

"Fire on the up roll." Horatio shouted and the Indy’s guns boomed out, their ball and chain shot flying into the Barque’s rigging in an attempt to cripple her without damaging her hull.

Jonathan Riley stood mesmerized by what was happening and moved closer to peer through the dissipating smoke at the torn canvas and tangled rigging. When their guns fired again, Archie was forced to pull him back out of the way of the sharp recoil. "Stay back here Jonathan, the gun crews are well trained and know what they are doing. Let them do their work."

In the time since Riley had come on board they had been through numerous gun drills, but Archie knew from experience that this time would be very different. It wasn’t easy to remember all your training when someone was firing back at you.

The Barque veered closer in a last desperate effort to inflict some damage. She fired and this time her smaller cannon hit the side of the Indy, the blast centering on the gun ports, ripping one gun from it’s moorings not far from where Archie stood.

"Load with cannister and fire at will!" Horatio shouted again, "And get that gun secured." This last was directed at Archie who dragged Riley along behind him. The gun crew already had out new ropes and were lashing the gun to the mountings. Two seamen lay dead on the deck, killed by the explosion, their bodies mangled and bloody.

"That did them." Horatio shouted as he peered through the smoke at carnage the cannister shot had caused on the Barque’s deck. "They’re lowering their colours." It was over more quickly than they could have hoped for and the Barque had suffered little structural damage other than to her rigging.

"We were lucky Jonathan," Archie said but Jonathan Riley was staring white faced at the dead bodies that were being carried away. "I feel sick," he muttered before vomiting onto the deck.

The sun was setting by the time the decks were cleared and essential repairs completed on both ships. Captain Pellew assembled the ship’s company and commended then on a job well done. "‘The Cosette’ will fetch a good price. She was returning from the Americas laden with supplies. I will assign a crew to her and we will see her safely to Gibraltar."

A low murmur like a breeze across the ocean passed through the crew as men thought of prize money, fresh food and the delights of port.

"Lieutenant Hornblower will take command of the ‘Cosette’." Pellew said with a glance towards Horatio who blushed slightly and tried to hide his delight. Archie held his breath, praying that he too would be chosen for the prize crew. Several weeks alone with Horatio promised endless possibilities and dreams that Archie had long ago buried resurfaced with a cry of longing.

"Midshipman Beddows, you will accompany Mr. Hornblower. You could certainly use the experience."

Archie’s heart fell and he chided himself for his moment of rash thinking. Horatio would stay forever out of reach like the stars above; something to dream about, to wish for, but never to hold in his hand.

They were dismissed and Archie barely had time to bid his friend a hurried goodbye. The daylight was fading and Horatio was busy ordering his gear to be sent over to the barque along with various supplies they would need. "I’ll see you in Gibraltar, Archie," he finally called as he disappeared over the side.

The midshipman’s berth was strangely quiet as they sat down to their dinner in the first dog watch. For all Beddows annoying traits he at least provided conversation. Peter Crittenden and Harry Stratford faced each other across the table oblivious to their messmates. They seemed to carry out a private conversation with looks alone and it left Archie feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps they had both feared the loss of each other and still could not believe that they had survived.

Jonathan Riley also sat silently, scarcely touching his food and Archie decided the boy still felt ill from what he had witnessed earlier. Seeing death for the first time was never easy, particularly when it was caught up in the heat and fear of battle.

With Horatio missing Captain Pellew had assigned Archie, as senior midshipman, to stand the first watch from 8.00pm to midnight. As he prepared to leave he wondered if he should have a word with Crittenden and Stratford and ask them to keep an eye out for Riley while he was gone. But it was Crittenden who sought out Archie as he pulled on his blue coat. The younger man bent close and whispered in Archie’s ear, "Be a dear Archie, and take young Riley up on deck with you so we can have a bit of privacy?" Crittenden’s green eyes looked hopefully at Archie, pleading. "Just for half an hour, eh?"

A glance at Riley showed the boy looking pale. Perhaps some fresh air and the chance to talk was just what he needed.

"All right Peter, but show a bit of discretion and don’t get caught. I’d hate to see the Captain hang you both." Peter Crittenden beamed a big smile in thanks.

"Come up on deck with me for a while Jonathan, a bit of fresh air will do you good."

It was quiet when they came on deck, the darkness adding a sense of peace to what had been chaos earlier in the day. The quarter deck was mostly deserted except for the masters mate and the helmsmen at the wheel. Archie exchanged a few words with Lieutenant Bracegirdle, whose watch was ending. He checked the compass setting by the light of the binnacle then walked aft to the taff rail where Jonathan Riley was staring at the dark silhouette of the ‘Cosette’, barely visible as she followed along behind them.

"I’m sorry about today Sir," Riley said formally. "I’m not sure I have what it takes to be a midshipman."

"Were you scared Jonathan?" Archie asked gently, guessing that it was this, rather than his squeamishness that was the cause of Riley’s anxiety.

"Yes," was the soft reply and Riley dropped his head, ashamed at the admission.

"So was I," Archie replied truthfully. "Probably every man on board from the powder monkeys right up to Captain Pellew himself knew fear today." Riley stared wide-eyed in amazement.

"Fear is a natural emotion, Jonathan. It makes us cautious, careful. Loose that and you become foolhardy and reckless. Do you understand?" Riley shook his head slightly.

"The secret is to master your fear. You showed that today Jonathan. You may have felt fear but you stood by your post and did your duty." Archie smiled, "You did very well."

The compliment seemed to light Riley from within. He smiled up at Archie proudly, his eyes so full of pleasure that Archie could not help but smile back.

"Do you really think so Archie?" he asked as if he couldn’t quite believe the words.

"Yes I do Jonathan. Now tell me what you know about the stars?" Archie continued, turning his gaze to the heavens.

One bell marked the passing of half an hour. Two bells, an hour and still they talked. From the stars and navigation, their talk flowed to the different ports that Archie had visited, the sights and the strangeness of people and places.

Eight bells sounded before Archie was even aware that his watch was over and Elijah Kenny came to relieve him. Kenny raised an eyebrow when he saw Riley but made no comment.

"I shouldn’t have kept you up so late Jonathan." Archie said as they made their way below deck to the midshipman’s berth. The door was closed and as Archie opened it he was hit by the sharp musky odor of sex overpowering the already stale air. For a moment it clouded his mind bringing back unwelcome memories so that he paused in the doorway, frantically trying to find his way back to reality.

It was Riley’s voice that penetrated his fog like the beam of a lighthouse. "I’m glad we spent so long talking Archie, you always make everything seem so much better."

Archie stepped out of the past and into the cabin, Riley at his elbow chattering softly.

Still tangled in each other’s arms, sleeping peacefully in the hammock in front, were Stratford and Crittenden. A thin blanket covered them but it was obvious they were both naked. Archie threw a concerned glance at Riley, but the boy seemed oblivious to what had taken place as he made his way to his hammock and began undressing.

It was something akin to jealousy that Archie felt as he looked back at the two sleeping midshipmen, their hair, fair and dark, entwined together like their bodies had been earlier. As he began to take off his own uniform he felt a strange sort of longing for someone to hold, someone to love. He knew full well it was the after effects of the battle, but that didn’t stop him thinking of Horatio and wondering if he would ever hold his friend like that.

"Archie?" Riley’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts from across the cabin. "Archie, will you tell me some more of that story? About Achilles and Hamlet?"

"It’s late Jonathan, you should be asleep."

"Please Archie? I keep thinking about those dead men? Would you come over here and lie with me until I fall asleep? "

He doesn’t realise, Archie told himself as he tried to gather his thoughts. He doesn’t know. "I don’t think it would be a good idea Jonathan."

"But Archie, Mr. Beddows isn’t here and Peter and Harry are sleeping like that. Please?" Riley’s small voice pleaded in the darkness and Archie surrendered.

"All right then." He replied, knowing he shouldn’t encourage such things but finally admitting to himself that he wanted a small measure of comfort too.

After the initial urge to shudder and pull away Archie found it was easier to be beside Riley this time, their bodies touching from shoulder to toe.

"Goodnight Archie." Riley whispered, his breath warm on Archie’s skin.

"Goodnight Jonathan." Archie replied, sinking into the warmth beside him. He closed his eyes and thought of Horatio.

As the two ships made their way to Gibraltar the days fell into a pattern. With Horatio’s absence, Captain Pellew allowed Archie to stand watch once more. It was almost like being an acting lieutenant again.

Due to the inexperience of both Archie and Elijah Kenny, Pellew chose to stand the Officers on set watches, rather than rotate them like the rest of the crew. Archie and Kenny were given the responsibility of the first and middle watches respectively. With most of the crew asleep these were usually quiet. The two young men stood these watches alone but could wake the Captain if the need arose. Pellew had declared it would be valuable experience for them and Archie was grateful.

The morning watch was taken by Mr. Bracegirdle, followed by Archie on the forenoon watch and then Kenny on the afternoon watch. Mr. Bracegirdle stood the two dog watches before retiring for the night when the whole routine would start again.

Jonathan Riley continued with his usual Midshipman’s duties but would accompany Archie to the quarter deck each evening and they would spend the first watch talking quietly together. Riley was always full of questions about seamanship which Archie happily answered, pleased to be able to air his knowledge and help the younger man.

The darkness also gave them a sense of intimacy and encouraged the sharing of confidences. Riley would often speak of his home and family and after a while Archie found himself opening up and talking about his own home life, a subject he had rarely mentioned to anyone, even Horatio.

"My mother was young and pretty and she married again two years after my father died. She did well for herself." A faint breeze blew across the deck, a welcome relief after the heat of the day. "I never felt welcome in my Stepfather’s home, more so after my step brothers and sisters arrived. I never needed for anything material…" Archie let his voice trail away as he remembered the desperate boy so eager to please in the hope of any small show of affection. But love had been a rare commodity in a house so full of other riches and Archie had learnt to make do with a pat on the head from the cook when he praised her baking or a smile from the old gardener when he asked about the roses.

"So you were pleased when you came to sea Archie?" Riley asked lightly as if going to sea was the answer to every young man’s dreams.

"It came as a surprise." Archie continued. "One day I was called into the drawing room and told to make myself ready for a journey. There was a naval Captain standing there, a friend of my stepfather’s and I was told he would be escorting me. I think I was still in shock when my mother bundled me into the coach and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I cried all the way to Portsmouth."

"But the Captain knew your stepfather. He must have been kind to you when you went aboard his ship?" Was Riley thinking of Captain Pellew? The Captain had never shown Riley any special treatment but neither was he harsh with the lad and Archie had seen evidence himself of Pellew’s concern.

"I didn’t sail with him, he took me to Portsmouth and saw me aboard the ‘Justinian’." The striking of eight bells made Archie jump, and he let go his breath, glad not to have to speak any further.

The stuffiness and heat hit them as soon as they stepped below decks, making Archie yawn. Stratford and Crittenden were in their own hammocks. Archie had spoken to them about what he felt was acceptable behaviour and although they were always in their own hammocks when Archie and Riley returned each night, Archie suspected they still made the most of the time they had alone during the first watch.

Archie had also kept to his own hammock except for a few occasions when he had let Riley persuade him to slide in beside him whilst he told more of the story of Achilles and Horatio. But Archie was always very careful to go back to his own hammock when the story was finished.

Now as he prepared for sleep, Archie heard Jonathan’s soft voice from across the cabin murmur. "I am very lucky that you were on the Indy, Archie. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Thank you."

"You would have been fine Jonathan." Archie replied, but the words had warmed his heart.

Gibraltar. Archie’s heart beat faster knowing that shortly he would be reunited with Horatio again. He stood on the deck, the town spread out before him like a sparkling jewel in the sun and squinted across the water, wondering how much shore leave the Captain would allow. He and Horatio could spend it together, wandering the marketplaces and shoreline, talking and catching up after the weeks apart.

But Archie plans were placed on hold. There were numerous duties to perform before any shore leave was granted. Archie was kept busy ferrying the purser or Lieutenant Bracegirdle back and forth from the docks in the jolly boat whilst they organised the purchase and loading of fresh water and provisions. Horatio finally arrived back on board with Midshipman Beddows but Archie had time for only the briefest conversation before the Captain sent for Horatio.

Archie was sent off in the jolly boat again, this time to ferry Elijah Kenny to shore in time to sit his Lieutenant’s exam. The acting Lieutenant sat quietly the whole way not meeting Archie’s eyes. "Good luck Elijah," Archie ventured as the younger man alighted. He looked up and frowned. "I thought that would be the last thing you would want to wish me Archie. If I fail then I will be back as a midshipman again and you will replace me as acting lieutenant." The words surprised Archie for such thoughts had not occurred to him. "Elijah, I meant what I said." Archie offered again, but Kenny turned and walked away.

"Don’t look so glum Elijah!" Beddows declared that night in the midshipman’s berth as they sat eating a meal of fresh lamb and vegetables. "The Captain has given us a whole day of shore leave tomorrow and he has even told the purser to give us some of our allowance!"

"Hmmph!" was the grumbled response from Kenny as he sipped at his glass of wine. The results of the exam were not yet known, but Kenny was convinced he had failed. His eyes lit on Archie and he scowled again.

"That is good news then," Archie replied, wondering why Kenny seemed to hold him personally responsible. Nothing was certain and there was always the possibility that a new Lieutenant might be assigned to the Indy alleviating the need for an acting lieutenant.

"Thought we might find a brothel, I know of one that’s clean but not too pricey." Beddows continued, happy to exercise his worldly knowledge.

"Sounds good, Samuel. We’ll be in that." Harry Stratford piped up, Crittenden nodding in agreement.

"A good woman is just what I need to take my mind off that bloody examination. It was more like an inquisition!" Kenny declared downing the remains of his glass.

"You mean a bad woman, Elijah!" Beddows said with a smirk. "What about you Riley? Are you man enough for this or are you still just a little boy?"

Riley looked up and blushed deeply. "Umm, I don’t know. I’ve never.."

Beddows let out a course laugh and slapped the boy hard on the back. "Well come along with us then, there’s nothing too it!" He looked at Stratford and Crittenden across the table. "If those two buggers can do it, anyone can!"

Riley bit his lip, his hands suddenly trembling on the table. "I don’t know Samuel. I don’t really want to."

"What? Don’t want too? What’s the matter with you?" Riley didn’t answer but sat there red faced, eyes averted. "Bloody Mumma’s boy! Is that what you are Riley? Well I’ll be doing your father a favour by taking you then, won’t I."

"NO!" Riley said loudly, which only incensed Beddows more and he reached out his big hand to pet Riley’s red hair. "Little lily boy are you?"

"Leave him be Mr. Beddows!" Archie said sharply. "If he doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t have to. Now take your hands off him." Beddows drew his hand back slowly, his eyes full of challenge and Archie held his breath waiting to see what would happen next.

"Archie’s right you know, Samuel." Support came from an unexpected area. Peter Crittenden leaned back from the table stretching. "Forcing Riley to go will do now good. He’s still young and there’s plenty of time for that in the future."

Harry Stratford gave his friend a wink. "Besides it would be a bloody waste of money if he couldn’t get it up. Make the rest of us look like a right bunch of fools too!" The tension was broken as they all burst into raucous laughter, all except Jonathan Riley who sat with head bowed and Archie who looked on sympathetically.

"I’m sorry Archie, I have already promised the Captain." Horatio gave Archie an apologetic look but it did nothing to ease Archie’s disappointment. "We haven’t seen each other for weeks and we planned to spend today together. He has friends in town." Horatio continued, trying to explain.

You saw each other all of last night, Archie thought to himself, his jealousy finally bubbling up. The Captain wasn’t the only one who had missed Horatio. Obviously friends had to take second place to lovers.

"Maybe tomorrow Archie?" Horatio said hopefully and Archie nodded trying hard not to show his hurt.

The Captain and Horatio left first, then Beddows and the other midshipmen and Archie was left alone, gazing once more at the shimmering haze above the busy town. It was still early, but heat was already oppressive.

"Aren’t you going too Archie?" asked a small voice at his elbow and Archie looked down at Riley who had appeared beside him. The boy was dressed up in his best uniform and looked longingly towards the shoreline. "Yes, but not with Beddows. Do you have anyone to show you around?" The blues eyes looked up expectantly. "No, but I’d like to go with you Archie, that is, if you wouldn’t mind?"

Sometimes the best surprises come from unexpected sources. Archie had to confess that the day was one of the most enjoyable he had ever spent. He delighted in showing Riley through the strange port and watching the wonder in the younger mans eyes. They explored the market place where Riley fingered the colourful textiles and tasted the exotic fruits. They wandered through the town looking at the differences in the peoples and the architecture. It was as if it were all new again for Archie, as if he too was seeing things for the first time.

"Everything is so different!" Riley declared, his arms full of small packages, presents for his mother and sisters. "I wish I could take one of those birds home too." The parrots had held a particular fascination, with their bright plumage and loud squawking.

"The Captain doesn’t allow pets onboard, Jonathan," Archie reminded again with a smile.

It was late afternoon and they were making their way back to the dock when some women called out from the top window of a house, beckoning them to come inside to sample their delights. Archie smiled back, shook his head and kept walking.

"Are you sorry you didn’t go with Beddows and the others Archie?" Riley asked shyly. Unconsciously Archie reached out and brushed a stray lock of red hair from Riley’s eyes. "No Jonathan, I really didn’t want to." Riley waited and Archie smiled down at him. "I’m glad I spent the day with you."

"The others think I am just a child because I didn’t want to go." Riley said solemnly. "It’s not that I don’t LIKE women, Archie, it’s just that…it seems so…. I don’t think I could do it with a stranger….not the first time."

"You are right to wait Jonathan." Archie searched for what advice to offer. He thought of Horatio. "One day you will find someone who is special. Someone who makes you feel special too. Then you will know it is the right time."

"Have you found a girl like that Archie?" The question was innocent enough, but it brought a blush to Archie’s cheeks.

"Not yet Jonathan but there is plenty of time." Riley was still waiting, his eyes full of questions and Archie continued slowly. "If you are wondering about my experiences with women, well, yes, I know what they are like. My stepfather took me into London one time when I was on leave. I was not much older than you. I had no idea where we were going. I thought it might be to visit the solicitor about my inheritance but I was wrong. He took me to a rather grand house, handed me over to a well dressed Madame and said he would be back in two hours to pick me up." Archie tried to smile " It was a rather horrid experience but I suppose my stepfather thought he was doing me a kindness."

But it had been far from a kindness. At the time Archie had seen it as yet another form of abuse, similar to what he had suffered at Simpson’s hands. But his fear of disappointing his stepfather had been the deciding factor and he had struggled to do what was required of him.

"Will it be like this every time we are in Port Archie? Will Beddows and the others expect me to go with them? Was it the same on the Justinian? Did you have to go with the other Midshipman?" Archie rubbed his eyes as Riley’s questions kept coming.

"Captain Keene never let the midshipmen on shore leave when we were in a foreign port. He said it was to protect us from the dangers that awaited innocent young men." Archie gave a wry smile. Had Captain Keene ever suspected that there was far more danger aboard his own ship?

"And don’t worry about Beddows. He can’t make you do anything you don’t want to. Remember that Jonathan!"

It was during the first dog watch that Archie approached Horatio. His friend was standing with hands clasped behind him on the quarter deck, gazing out across the dark water to the lights that lit up the town.

"I had such an interesting day Archie." Horatio eyes were sparkling as he spoke. " We attended a luncheon at the most magnificent home of a retired admiral. There were so many people there…and the women…they were so …forward! I have seen foxes who looked less devious when sniffing at the hen house."

"I am sure Captain Pellew chased them all away Horatio," Archie said very quietly. He felt slightly envious of the opportunities open to Horatio now that he was a lieutenant.

"He left me to my own devices and seemed to take great delight in watching me try to fend them all off." Horatio laughed and rolled his beautiful eyes heavenward. "I thought I might have to stab one lady’s hand with my fork! She wouldn’t leave my thigh alone! You have no idea what it was like, Archie."

"I would have liked to have been there, Horatio." Archie said wistfully.

"Tomorrow Archie, tomorrow you and I will go into town. We can find a tavern with good food and drink. Remember how we talked about doing that in the prison?"

They had often whiled away the long hours dreaming of what they would do when they were free. Archie’s dream had always ended with them making their way to a private room where they would fall into each others arms, declare their undying love and spend the night in a passionate embrace. It was a dream he had kept to himself. Once they were freed and had returned to the Indy the opportunity had never arisen as one thing after another conspired to keep them apart.

Archie sighed. "Yes and I’ll look forward to it Horatio, Goodnight." Perhaps it wouldn’t be as Archie had often imagined but he would treasure the time they had together none the less. Elijah Kenny passed Archie on the companion way but would not meet his eyes as he hurried to take up his watch.

The midshipman’s berth went suddenly quiet when Archie walked through the low doorway. He looked around at Beddows who raised his eyebrows. "Evening Archie, pleasant on deck was it?"

"Quite." Archie replied curtly. There was something wrong, he could feel it in the air.

He looked at Crittenden and Stratford who both looked uneasy. Crittenden looked away suddenly, his face going pale. What was going on here? Archie’s gaze shot to Jonathan Riley. Even in the dim light of the cabin, Archie could see there was something wrong with the boy. "What’s wrong Jonathan?" Archie asked. Had Beddows been teasing him again about his reluctance to visit the brothel? Archie crossed the cabin to stand beside the silent boy.

"What’s wrong Jonathan?" Archie asked again and raised his hand to touch Riley’s shoulder, but before he could complete the gesture, Riley shrank back, fear in his eyes.

"Don’t touch me," he hissed. "Don’t ever touch me again."

Shock and confusion struck Archie. What was going on? Soft snickering started behind him and he turned sharply to confront Beddows. "What have you done to him."

Beddows openly laughed. "Nothing, I never ever touched him MR Kennedy."

Archie looked back at Riley and tried again. "Jonathan, what’s the matter? You can tell me, I’m your friend." But Riley only shrank back even further, his eyes full of fear and disgust. "You’re not my friend. I know what you want. I know what you liked to do when you were on the Justinian…you and Jack Simpson."

The laughter sounded again and Archie tasted bile in his mouth as understanding slowly dawned. Beddows! He had perpetrated this. But what had he said?

"No," Archie implored, shaking his head, wanting to disavow everything Beddows had said, but the look of horror on Riley’s face was like a knife to his heart and he felt his mind begin to whirl in a downward spiral to oblivion.

"Lie still Archie, you are all right now." Pain flared in his head as Archie tried to sit up in the darkness. Where was he? Long, strong fingers brushed his hair. "Shh, you must lay still." It was Horatio’s voice so he must be safe…but where was he? The prison in Spain? Someone brought a lamp closer and Archie turned his head towards the light.

"You are in the infirmary Archie. You have a cut to you forehead that the surgeon has stitched. Do you remember what happened, Archie? What happened in the Middies Berth?"

Slowly the painful memories returned and Archie longed for oblivion again but this time he remained firmly in reality as the shame and humiliation washed over him until he felt like he was drowning.

Horatio bent closer. "What happened Archie? Was there a fight?" The lovely dark eyes were full of concern.

"No Horatio." Archie said slowly, wondering why his voiced sounded so steady whilst his mind was in such confusion.

"Are you sure Archie? Captain Pellew is most concerned. You have been unconscious a long time. It’s the Forenoon watch." The gentle hands were back stoking his hair and Archie wished that he could die like this, Horatio’s gentle hands being the last thing he would ever feel. But the sickening reality of what had happened stabbed at him again and he knew there was no escape.

"The was no fight Horatio, I had a fit. I must have hit my head when I fell." Horatio frowned and bit his lip. "I must report this to the Captain. He was waiting until you woke before questioning the others any further."

"I suppose he will want to see me too." Archie closed his eyes wishing he could hide from everything.

"When you feel well enough Archie, there is no hurry." Horatio placed a hand on Archie’s arm but Archie swung his legs off the cot and sat up. "There is no point putting it off Horatio. I may as well face it now."

"I don’t understand Archie, what happened?" Horatio’s brown eyes tried to look into Archie’s soul and find what was hidden there, but Archie dropped his gaze and began looking for his breeches.

"You’ll find out soon enough, Horatio."

The five midshipmen Beddows, Stratford, Crittenden, Riley and Kennedy stood silently in front of their Captain’s desk like a row of schoolboys. From the other side Captain Pellew regarded them with his cool clear gaze and off to one side, in quiet attendance, stood Horatio. That’s where Horatio should be, Archie though miserably, beside someone who can nurture and help him rather than be a hindrance like I am.

"Mr. Kennedy, are you sufficiently recovered to be on your feet?" Pellew’s tone was grave and Archie swallowed before answering. "Yes Sir."

"Well, perhaps now we may find out exactly what happened. Mr. Kennedy do you remember how you struck your head?"

Archie wondered what the others had already reported, but was unable to look side ways whilst he stood to attention. "I had a fit Sir, it must have happened when I fell." He dreaded what the admission would do to his career but there was no point in trying to hide the fact.

"I see," Pellew said slowly, looking from one face to the next. "And what were you doing when this happened Mr. Kennedy?"

Archie hesitated and his head began to ache. " I had just returned from the quarter deck after speaking with Mr. Hornblower. I had only been in the cabin a few minutes." It was the truth, and perhaps Pellew would ask no further.

But their Captain was astute and Archie watched again as he raked his gaze across the others. "Were you talking to anyone Mr. Kennedy?"

Why all the questions? What did the Captain know? Archie shot a worried glance at Horatio. Had his friend told Pellew about the cause of Archie’s fits?

"He was talking to me Sir." Riley spoke up, his voice sounding small in the cabin. Pellew raised his eyebrows at the breech of etiquette but chose to overlook it and turned his attention to Riley.

"What were you talking about Mr. Riley?" It seemed for a moment as if all the midshipmen held their breath, the silence was so profound. Archie was aware of his heart beating rapidly and prayed that he wouldn’t loose consciousness again.

"I told Mr. Kennedy not to touch me Sir." The words hung in the air and Archie felt his heart skip a beat. He saw Horatio’s swift glance of surprise before he looked back to see the Captain’s reaction.

Pellew himself seemed almost too composed, his hands held behind his back, his gaze intent on Riley, never once lifting his dark eyes to look in Archie’s direction.

"Why Mr. Riley?"

"Because I was afraid of what he would do, Sir." Riley’s voice trembled slightly and Archie’s heart sunk. He was damned.

"Does Mr. Kennedy often touch you Mr. Riley?" The Captain’s slow, steady voice gently questioned.

"N-n-no Sir."

"Has Mr. Kennedy ever touched you in a manner that you considered to be inappropriate or threatening?"

Riley hesitated and licked his lips nervously. "No Sir."

Pellew frowned, his dark brows drawing together, his face taking on a stricter countenance. "Has he ever made advances towards you, Mr. Riley?"

"Oh no sir! But…." Riley hesitated again and Pellew pounced "But what Mr. Riley?"

"But he has slept with me in my hammock on occasion." Pellew’s eyes finally swung towards Archie, who shied away from the gaze, knowing his guilt was clearly written on his face. There were murmurs from the others but Pellew’s voice silenced them swiftly. He turned back to Riley and asked, "Please tell me Mr. Riley, exactly what Mr. Kennedy did when he was with you in your hammock?"

Riley shifted from one foot to the other and glanced sideways at Archie. "He told me stories Sir." It was said very softly and Pellew leaned forward in an effort to hear the words. "He did what? Did you say he told you stories? What sort of stories Mr. Riley?"

With eyes full of tears and his voice breaking, Riley continued. "He told me stories about two boys, Achilles and Hamlet who were cast adrift in a life boat after their ship was attacked by pirates. They landed on an island and built a tree house and found some pirates treasure.."

There was a snicker from Beddows and Captain Pellew turned to glare at the man. "Be silent Mr. Beddows! This matter is serious."

Oh God, Archie though, What will Horatio think?

"So you are saying Mr. Riley, that Mr. Kennedy forced his way into you hammock at night against your will and told you stories?"

"No Sir," Riley whispered, "It wasn’t against my will. I asked him to come in."

Pellew took a deep breath and looked from Riley to Archie and back again.

"Is there anything that Mr. Kennedy has done at all that would give you reason to be afraid of him?"

"No Sir….but Mr. Beddows told me…he told me." Tears flowed down Riley’s cheeks and Archie realised that the boy must have finally seen through Beddows’ deceit. "I shouldn’t have believed him because Archie was always kind to me…but it sounded so terrible, what he and Jack Simpson did."

"Simpson?" Pellew’s voice cut through Riley’s sniffling explanation. Archie felt his head begin to spin.

"It’s not true Sir." Horatio’s voice was like a bell sounding through Archie’s chaos. "I was there and I know what went on."

Archie closed his eyes, wanting to hide, praying that his life would not be laid bare for all to see.

"Thank you Mr. Hornblower, I’ll deal with that matter in a moment. There seems to be far more to this situation than was first apparent. Firstly, Mr. Riley, I want to make certain that Mr. Kennedy has in no way forced his attentions upon you?"

"No Sir, he never did anything to me." Riley wiped at his eyes with his sleeve and sniffed.

"Very well. Now as for you Mr. Kennedy, a midshipman of you years must know it is inappropriate to encourage such…intimacies…no matter how innocent they may be. Such behaviour is not appropriate to young gentlemen and it leaves itself open to misunderstandings."

"Yes Sir," Archie murmured. He felt like a condemned man waiting to be hung. "I would like to apologize to Mr. Riley for any actions of mine which he may have misconstrued." Archie stuttered, his mouth dry. "It was never my intention to offer anything other than friendship."

"Now as to this other matter." Pellew turned to Crittenden and Stratford who had been standing silently the whole time. "Did you two gentlemen hear these allegations as well?"

"No Sir, we were talking when Samuel..er…Mr. Beddows was with Mr. Riley." Stratford blurted out. "We didn’t hear a word of it." Their eyes told a different story.

"Then you are dismissed. There is no need for this to go any further than it has already. Do you understand?"

"Aye aye Sir" came the duel reply and Stratford and Crittenden left the cabin quickly, almost stumbling over each other in their haste.

When the door was closed again Pellew turned back to Riley. "What exactly did Mr. Beddows tell you Mr. Riley."

The young midshipman hung his head before answering. "He said that Archie and a man named Jack Simpson did unnatural things with each other when they were Midshipmen on board the Justinian. He said that Archie was only being nice to me because he wanted to do that to me!"

Archie fixed his gaze on the window behind the Captains desk and tried to keep his composure as the words sunk in. Let me die please Lord, he prayed silently. What would Captain Pellew think of him now? What would Horatio think?

"Thank you Mr. Riley, you may go now." Pellew said gently "But you are not to repeat these things to anyone, do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir. I am sorry Archie." The last was said quickly as Riley fled the cabin.

Pellew turned back to Beddows and fixed him with a hard gaze. "Liable is a serious offense Mr. Beddows, duels have been fought for far less. You can not be allowed to spread tales about your fellow Officers!"

Pellew paused and paced a little behind his desk. Beddows fidgeted and Archie took a deep breath in preparation of what was to come.

"Where did you gain this knowledge Mr. Beddows?"

"Elijah Kenny told me. Said he was talking to someone at the Examination who was on board the Justinian, Sir." Beddows’ voice sounded confident but he looked uneasy.

"And you believed it enough to repeat it, knowing full well that if it were untrue Mr. Kennedy would have every right to call you out?"

"Er, well Sir, it was sort of a joke really.." Beddows stammered, his composure evaporating before the Captain’s scrutiny.

"A joke?" Pellew boomed, his eyes flashing. "You destroy a man’s good name and you call it a joke Sir?"

"It was Elijah’s idea, he said we should do it!" Beddows blurted out.

"I think we should call Mr. Kenny and see what he has to say! Mr. Hornblower would you please find him and escort him to my cabin."

The Captain’s dark eyes came to rest on Archie, his gaze suddenly gentle. " Mr. Kennedy? Mr. Kennedy you look quite pale, I think it may be better if you return to the infirmary for the moment."

"Aye aye, Sir," Archie managed to murmur as he left the cabin in a daze.

Did he know? Did Captain Pellew know? Archie fled the stuffiness below and burst out onto the deck taking a ragged breath. He felt like he was suffocating. Had Horatio told the Captain about Archie’s dirty secrets? It was a wonder Captain Pellew would even have him on board his ship!

Ignoring the Captain’s order to return to the infirmary, he made his way across the deck to the ratlines and began climbing. Higher and higher he went. He wanted to run, to escape, but there was no where to go except up. He climbed to the platform halfway up the main mast but did not stop. He kept going upwards until finally reached the cross-tree above the topsail where he sank down in confusion, his back to the mast.

Would he ever be rid of Simpson? He remembered the look of disgust in Riley’s eyes and shuddered. Riley thought he was like that, like Simpson. Archie put his head in his hands, ideally rubbing at the wound on his forehead. Was he like Simpson? Perhaps he was and hadn’t realised it? Had he somehow used Riley to assuage his own loneliness? "I only wanted to be his friend!" Archie cried out but his words were whipped away by the wind so that no one heard. No one ever heard.

Far below the sea beckoned, promising release from all life’s hurts but it was a call that Archie had long ago rejected. He did not know whether it was cowardice or courage that made him cling to life when it continually beat him down. But somehow he always managed to go on, day after day, searching for something though he no longer knew what. But there was something out there for him, someone. He had to believe it because it was all he had left.

The sun reached it’s zenith and eight bells sounded the change of watch. Still Archie sat, watching life go on below him. He wished he could somehow capture the remoteness he felt up here, the separation from everything thing and everyone. If he could carry that in his heart then he need never feel pain again.

But he looked below and saw Jonathan Riley on the deck, his pale red hair shining in the afternoon sunlight, and knew he could never cut himself off enough to ease the hurt. He had only tried to help and his good intentions had been turned into something filthy.

A short time later, Horatio appeared and joined Riley. They stood side by side, looking out across the water. Archie wondered what his friend was telling the boy. How could Horatio possibly find the words to explain Archie’s past without making Riley even more disgusted? There WERE no words to erase what had happened. Archie had realised that long ago. He rubbed his eyes, suddenly weary and settled back against the mast. What did it matter anyway.

"I’ve been looking for you Archie. You’ve had me worried." Horatio’s words woke Archie with a start and he sat up gripping the mast tightly. The dull ache in his head was still there, now matched by one in his heart.

"I needed some time alone." Archie replied slowly as he looked around. It was late afternoon, the sun a golden ball above the ocean. On the deck below Jonathan Riley still stood staring out to sea.

"I suppose you told him?" Horatio followed Archie’s gaze and nodded.

"It’s better that he heard the truth from me than wonder about the rumours and innuendoes." Horatio said gently.

They sat in silence both watching the red haired boy below.

"He’s a pretty boy Archie." Horatio continued hesitantly. "It would be understandable if you were attracted to him." The words were gentle but Archie bristled at the implication.

"How could you think that Horatio?" The dark eyes looked back at him remorsefully. "How could you ever think that I would do something like that?"

"I didn’t mean it like that Archie." But Archie looked away, disappointed that his friend of all people should not understand his actions.

"I only ever wanted to help him, to spare him some of the heartache I felt when I first came aboard the Justinian. He seemed so lost, so alone. I just wanted to give him the chances that I never had."

Archie stared into the glare of the setting sun, his voice suddenly trembling. "Besides, I doubt I could have done anything even if I had wanted to. I can barely stand anyone touching me because of what Simpson did."

It was said. For so long Archie had wanted to confide in Horatio and now he had. But there was no time for him to wonder about how the confession would be received before Horatio’s hand reached out and gently touched his own.

"Even me Arch?" was the soft question, the fingers gently stroking his. In a flash he knew what Horatio was offering but too much had happened that day and doubt clouded Archie’s thinking. He was suddenly unsure of Horatio’s motives, of what prompted the offer. Was it love or was it pity?

"I think it may have been different between us Horatio, but we will never know, will we. You have the Captain and I…I have this to face now."

The hand withdrew as if Horatio sensed that now was not the right time to pursue this and for that Archie was grateful.

"I’m sorry Archie, what Beddows did was cruel."

"Spare me your pity Horatio. It may have been far worse," although Archie doubted that. What chance now did he have of ever making Lieutenant, with further evidence to support the opinion that he was unfit for command? He also suspected that despite Pellew’s efforts to keep the matter quiet, details of his past would soon be common knowledge on the ship.

They sat in silence through the rest of the afternoon watch until eight bells sounded again. The first dog watch began and the sun slipped slowly into the azure sea.

"You can’t sit up here all night Archie. You will have to come down. The Captain wants to see you." Archie glared at his friend and wondered why Horatio had not told him this earlier.

"He said to take your time, to go when you were ready." Horatio explained.

The Captain’s understanding did nothing to mollify Archie. "Did you tell him too?" he scowled.

"I didn’t have to, I think he guessed what must have happened from what Beddows and Kenny said. They couldn’t blame each other fast enough." Horatio stood, signaling that it was time to go. "But remember this Archie. Captain Pellew already knew that Simpson was a coward and a troublemaker. Don’t forget that HE was the one who shot and killed Jack Simpson," and with that Horatio disappeared down the ratlines.

It was hard to meet Pellew’s eyes when once again Archie stood behind the mahogany desk in the Captain’s cabin, but he fought down his shame and stood to attention as Horatio would have done.

"At ease Mr. Kennedy, I have said all I am going to say in the matter of your relationship with Mr. Riley. That matter is now closed." Pellew frowned slightly and paused as if considering his next words. It was a gesture that was at odds with the Captain’s usual surety and it made Archie nervous.

"Sir, if I may speak first?" he ventured and when the Captain nodded he continued.

"Sir in light of what has happened I wish to request a transfer to another ship." In the long hours spent aloft Archie had come to see this as his only recourse, for he did not know how he could ever face Jonathan Riley and his fellow midshipmen again.

"A transfer?" Surprise was evident in the Captain’s voice. "I am sorry Mr. Kennedy, but that is not possible."

Of course it wasn’t, Archie thought to himself, with his history it was unlikely that another Captain would take him on. He dropped his head in shame.

"Mr. Kennedy…Archie.." Archie looked up, surprised at Pellew’s use of his first name and the sudden softness in his voice.

"Please sit down, there are matters we need to discuss." Perching on a chair Archie nervously licked his lips and wiped his sweaty palms on his breeches. What must the Captain think of him?

"Mr. Kennedy, you are far too valuable to this ship to allow me to approve your request for a transfer. You have shown that you have great strength, fortitude and courage and I have no doubt that you will make a fine Officer one day." Archie was speechless. How had the captain formed such an opinion of him? Should he try to tell him that he was wrong?

Pellew walked over to the lead light window and gazed out at the lights of Gibraltar. He seemed to be preparing himself for something and Archie waited, suddenly afraid that the Captain had merely said those kind words to soften the blow that was to come.

"Mr. Kennedy, I want you to tell me what happened on the Justinian." It wasn’t what Archie was expecting. His heart sped up and his breathing faltered as he felt his mind begin to haze over. But Pellew turned to him and caught him with his penetrating gaze so that Archie couldn’t close his eyes or look away.

He shook his head slightly as if to disavow what was already known. "It was long ago, it doesn’t matter," he said bravely for surely the Captain could not be interested.

"But what happened Mr. Kennedy, what did Jack Simpson do to you?" The words were gentle but persistent.

"I…I.. it wasn’t my fault." It was like a plea, one that the Captain heard and answered.

"I know Mr. Kennedy, but you must tell me what he did. You will never be able to let it go until you tell me. Do you understand."

It made no sense to Archie and he shook his head again, wondering why the Captain wanted him to dredge up all the memories when they only brought him pain.

"Mr. Kennedy, you must tell me." The dark eyes held his and for a moment he was reminded of Horatio….he’d never had to tell Horatio because his friend had been there and had heard and seen what happened at night, just as all the others had too. He had never had to say the words because everyone had known and he had seen it in their eyes everyday, the pity, the disgust, the relief that it was him and not them who was the object of Simpson’s tyranny.

The tears came unbidden, like a dam giving way, but it was a quiet grief and Archie remained silent to the last as if one sound would unleash a torrent of words hidden away for too long.

It was the Captain’s touch that did it, the gentle hand upon his shoulder that released him from the prison he had created for himself so that when Pellew spoke softly again "Mr. Kennedy?" Archie answered almost without conscious thought.

"He raped me."

There was no need to say any more, no need to recount the times or the places for as Archie looked up into his Captain’s eyes he saw such guilt and contrition and it confused him.

"Mr. Kennedy, I have been remiss in my duty towards you. Had I known this, had I know what Simpson had done, I would never have allowed him to accompany you in the jolly boat that night of the raid on the Papillon."

Archie shook his head, "Sir, it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know." But Pellew raised his hand to silence the objection. "A Captain SHOULD know, Mr. Kennedy. He should be a good judge of men. I could see that you and Mr. Hornblower were distressed that evening, but I assumed it was because of the loss of your shipmates aboard the Justinian." Pellew paced back to the window. "Ultimately, I am the one responsible for your time in the Spanish Prison and in place of Captain Keene I accept responsibility for his negligence in regard to Jack Simpson’s assaults." Slowly Pellew turned back to face Archie "Mr. Kennedy, I know that I can never atone for the wrongs committed against you, but I hope that you can accept my humble apology."

Archie rubbed at the tears on his cheeks. "Sir, it was not you fault," he whispered, but the Captain’s words had been strangely comforting.

"It was not your fault either Mr. Kennedy and yet I think you have carried the blame with you for far too many years. Do not carry it any longer! Mr. Kenny and Mr. Beddows will be set ashore tomorrow to find passage home as they see fit. I will not have them on board my ship! I know it will not be easy, but you must put this behind you. You must show everyone that you have nothing to be ashamed of. "

"I don’t think I can Sir," Archie replied. He suddenly felt very tired, his emotions almost raw. Perhaps the Captain’s questioning had done more harm than good.

"Of course you can, Mr. Kennedy." The captain said brusquely, "You have stood strong all this time, don’t let Simpson’s ghost beat you now."

Yes, that was right. Simpson was dead, Captain Pellew himself had seen to that and now he was trying to exercise his ghost as well. Archie almost smiled at that thought, so close he was to breaking down again. Instead he rubbed his eyes and nodded. "Yes Sir, and thank you for killing him Sir. You can’t imagine how many times I dreamed of doing just that, but never had the courage."

"Oh you have courage Mr. Kennedy, never doubt that. You would not be here today if you didn’t." There was a slight pause again and Pellew tilted his head slightly, lowered his voice. "I do not encourage the practice of dueling Mr. Kennedy but I would support you if you wished to call either Beddows or Kenny out. It is your right you know."

Archie wiped at his eyes again and brushed a strand of his hair back from his face and he gave a small smile at the irony of the Captains words. "I’m not that good a shot with a pistol Sir," he said, trying to make it sound like a joke. "I know my limitations and think I’d come off the worse."

The Captain nodded and smiled gently. "It is a wise man who knows his own limitations, Mr. Kennedy."

From somewhere above the ship’s bell sounded. Pellew waited until the final stoke then cleared his throat.

"And now Mr. Kennedy, it is time to put your courage to the test once more. You must return to the midshipman’s berth."

It was inevitable. He would have to face them sooner or later just as he had been forced to face his fellow midshipman aboard the Justinian each day, trying to hide the shame he felt. But somehow he had always managed it just as he knew he would now. "Aye aye Sir," Archie replied, rising and standing to attention. He wouldn’t let Captain Pellew down.

The Midshipman’s berth was silent when he entered much as it had the time before, but this time no one spoke or met his eyes. They were all there, except for Elijah Kenny. He would be in the small cabin packing his few belongings just as Samuel Beddows was doing now. Suddenly Archie felt a pang of sorrow for Beddows and Kenny and he wondered how they would fare.

He made his way across the room, slung his hammock and still no one spoke. Just like on the Justinian, they never spoke about it, just looked at him and turned away. But as he lay in his hammock another thought suddenly occurred to Archie, one so momentous that he almost sat up and shouted his discovery. Through all the trials of the day, the accusations, the questions and the confessions, he had not once lost consciousness, not once fallen into that spiraling darkness that heralded a fit. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks. He thought over all that had happened, puzzled through it, trying to find what had spared him, what was different. Finally he gave up, simply content to go to sleep, knowing that for one day at least he had done something of which he could be proud.

It was just as the Captain said. Beddows and Kenny went ashore early, escorted by the Captain himself. Archie could not help feeling a sense of remorse as he watched the cutter pull away from the Indy.

"They have been transferred to another ship, the Neptune, so you need not worry about them any longer." Horatio told Archie later that day as they stood watch together. Archie felt relieved. He knew they should be punished but really didn’t want to see them dismissed from the service.

Toward the end of their watch the cutter left yet again, returning this time with the long awaited new Lieutenant and two new midshipmen. As Officer of the watch, Horatio met them and welcomed them aboard. The new Lieutenant, a man by the name of Overton quickly inquired as to the date of Horatio’s commission and was noticeably pleased when it was revealed that it was much later than his own. Horatio kept his face neutral throughout the exchange but managed to give Archie a quick wink to let him know that he was not unduly put out by the discovery.

The two new midshipmen were as different as cheese and chalk. The older of the two, the Honourable Mr Lionel Thockmorton seemed quite unimpressed by his surroundings. He soon made it known that he had previously served aboard a first rate ship of the line, the very cream of the navy’s fighting ships. Archie looked forward to finding out why Thockmorton had been transferred to the Indy. The second midshipman was fresh from England, just thirteen and the Indy was his first posting. "My name is Phillip Moseby, Sir," he said shyly "But I am usually called Pip." The name seemed fitting as the boy looked somewhat like a small brown field mouse.

Archie showed them both to the midshipman’s berth then hurried them along to the Captain’s cabin where he left them waiting outside until Pellew was through with Lieutenant Overton.

Back on deck Horatio met Archie with a raised eyebrow. "Well?" he inquired. "Well what?" Archie replied finding himself smiling for the first time that day. "What do you think of them all?" Horatio continued. "Mr Overton’s arrival will put an end to everyone’s hopes as to who would be the next acting Lieutenant."

"Oh that, I wasn’t really expecting the Captain to choose me, not after what has just happened. I thought he’d choose Harry as he is the next most senior." This seemed to please Horatio and Archie suddenly understood how much his friend was concerned about his well being. "As for the new midshipman, it will probably make things easier really. We won’t all be sitting there each evening staring at our plates not knowing what to say. Mr. Thockmorton doesn’t seem to be lacking in that department."

Archie’s surmise was correct. That evening as the midshipmen all sat around the long bench on their sea chests eating supper, Lionel Thockmorton kept up a lively recount of the battle of the Nile in which, if he was to be believed, he personally killed over fifty men armed with just his cutlass and captured a frigate single handedly.

"What about women?" he asked, dusting at some imaginary crumbs on his immaculate uniform coat. "Does the Captain keep one aboard?" There was a stunned silence around the table and Stratford and Crittenden both looked to Archie for the reply. Archie had remained silent for most of the meal, content to watch the others, but never venturing more. Now as the senior midshipman it was his turn to explain things to the newcomer.

"No, the Captain doesn’t keep a woman on board, nor does he allow his Officers to do so. When in foreign ports he does not allow the ratings to bring them aboard either."

Thockmorton looked quite put out. "Oh blast! On the Finity, Captain Pullen had quite a comely young doxy that kept him company. But he was a dull old bugger, almost sixty and she was a rather lively lass, very partial to the midshipmen, if you know what I mean." Thockmorton gave a wink and nudged Crittenden who tried to hide his smirk by nodding vigorously. "Of course, he never knew about that or at least he didn’t till he caught us together in his hanging bed one forenoon. Hell I thought he was with the purser looking over the new stores that had come on board. Couldn’t get me breeches up fast enough." Thockmorton let out a huge sigh. "Doesn’t let women on board eh? Well I might have to find myself a monkey!"

"Oh no! He doesn’t allow pets on either." Jonathan Riley said in a very serious voice.

Thockmorton stared wide eyed before doubling over the table in laughter. Stratford and Crittenden joined him and soon their eyes were streaming with tears. Riley blushed furiously as he realised what Thockmorton had intended, but his embarrassment soon gave way to glee as he saw the very confused look on little Moseby’s face. At the far end of the table Archie watched. Slowly a smile spread across his face and it turned into a laugh as he too joined in the mirth.

Thockmorton sat up, wiping at his eyes "So tell me," he said nudging at Peter Crittenden, " Must be bloody boring. What do lads like yourselves do at night to pass the time?" Peter Crittenden caught the glint in Harry Stratford’s eye and they both burst into more peels of laughter, leaving Thockmorton scratching at his aristocratic head in puzzlement.

It was Riley who spoke up again, his voice just as serious as it was the first time. "We are very lucky here, Mr. Thockmorton, we are never bored or lonely or afraid, because Mr. Kennedy makes sure we aren’t. Do you knows, he tells the best stories. Don’t you Archie!"

The laughter stopped and Archie held his breath, feeling the blood suddenly drain from his face. But Crittenden and Stratford were nodding their agreement, smiling at him and Lionel Thockmorton sighed again before murmuring, "Thanks god for small mercies, then," he smiled, "for tale telling is a skill far beyond my meager talents."

It was little Moseby’s eager face that finally vanquished Archie’s fears. "Oh do you Mr. Kennedy?" he asked, his eyes alight with pleasure. " I would so love to hear one. Do you know any about pirates?"

The days passed, and with them, Archie’s fears that the rest of the ship would find out about his past. If any rumours had been spread they were either disbelieved or ignored by the ratings. The men in Archie’s division were respectful as always and if anything seemed to work even harder. There were no guarded looks or whisperings behind his back and he began to relax once more.

In the midshipman’s berth things were much as they had always been. Thockmorton and Moseby were soon a part of the group. Jonathan Riley took great delight in showing Moseby the ropes. Daily he took him up into the rigging until the younger boy felt at home there. At night Thockmorton continued to regale them with his outrageous stories of women and battles and several times Archie himself was called upon to tell his own stories both true and imaginary.

But for all the camaraderie that was present there was also an underlying restraint. No more did Stratford and Crittenden sneak into each other’s hammocks at night when they thought the others were asleep. Archie wondered if he was the only one to detect the wistful looks the two young men cast at each other most evenings as they prepared for sleep. But despite being kept apart they were still as close as ever. It could be seen in the way they always sat side by side on one sea chest, their heads, fair and dark, bent together, reading from the same book as they studied for their Lieutenants exams. Or how they helped each other dress, adjusting clothing, doing buttons, fixing each other’s hair.

There was no denying that the legacy of Beddows insinuations still hovered in the air and Archie needed only look to Jonathan Riley to see the results. By all appearances Riley showed no outward sign that anything had changed but it was the little things that Archie noticed. Although they often spoke together the intimacy they had found was now gone. They talked at length about seamanship or daily happenings but there was no sharing of the things that mattered, thoughts and feelings.

But perhaps most hurtful was, that whether by coincidence or design, Riley was never alone with him. Archie told himself that it was just his imagination, that there was never any privacy to be found in the middies berth and that it was the same when they were on deck. Still, he missed the quiet nighttime talks they had once shared and remembered fondly the day they had spent together in Gibraltar.

The days slipped into weeks and the weeks into months and as the end of the year approached they made their way homeward with the promise of a Christmas to be spent with family and friends. But as they sailed northward, Archie felt a chill take hold in his heart that matched the change in the weather. Gone was the bright sun and hot days, replaced by the cold and the wind and the rain.

"Dear god I don’t think I can take another day of being perpetually wet!" Harry Stratford declared as he peeled off his sodden tarpaulin and hung it to dry. Peter Crittenden helped him out of his damp uniform and handed him a blanket. Stratford had just come off the forenoon watch, to be replaced by the two youngest midshipmen who had reluctantly left the middies’ berth to take their place in the rain above.

"And where, pray tell, is Mr Thockmorton?" Crittenden asked mimicking Thockmorton’s way of speaking.

"The honourable young gentleman is up the cross trees standing lookout. The Captain caught him idling with the masters mate recounting how he fought a duel with the Duke of something or other over his wife."

Archie gave a little laugh and returned to his studying. Captain Pellew had promised that he would sit the Lieutenants examination again when they reached England. He slowly became aware of how silent the cabin had become and looked up to see Harry Stratford lean over and place a gentle kiss on Peter Crittenden’s lips. He dropped his eyes before noisily slamming his book shut. "Well I’m off to the heads, " he said without looking up, giving the couple time to separate. "I might take this book along with me." Archie winked as he walked past. "I’ll be a while I think."

"Thank you Archie," was Peter Crittenden’s soft reply.

Archie shut the door and paused outside the cabin wondering if perhaps he should find Horatio on the pretext of asking him some question on navigation. Perhaps he could sit in the Officer’s wardroom with him and talk for a while. He cursed the wet weather for it kept them from their usual meetings on deck.

Somewhere outside thunder boom. Another storm, Archie cursed, but before he could draw breath, there was a loud crashing on deck. We’re under fire! The thought registered at the same time the frantic call for all hands was passed through the ship. Archie dropped his book and made for the companionway as another cannon shot resounded below decks.

The rain lashed his face as he came on deck and made his way forward over a pile of tangled rigging that had been brought down. Horatio was there already ordering the cannons run out and loaded. Riley appeared at his side, his eyes lit by excitement, eager to pass on what he knew.

"They came at us out of the fog. We had no warning though the Captain suspects they knew we were here."

"Fire as she bears," came the order down the line. The cannons flashed, three misfiring, their powder wet by the rain.

Out of the fog the enemy ship appeared. A French Frigate, her main and fore course sails straining in the wind as she bore down on the Indy.

"They’ll try to board." Horatio shouted, moments before the French cannons fired again, apparently untroubled by the rain.

"Prepare to repel boarders!" Archie seized a cutlass from the stash of side arms that had hastily been brought on deck. He could see the Frenchmen standing on the bulwarks shouting and waving at them with murder in their eyes as the ships plunged towards each other.

"Stay close now Jonathan," Archie shouted as the two bows clashed together amid a grinding of timbers. They attacked, with knives, cutlass’ and axes. A motley assortment of weapons almost as varied as the rough looking Frenchmen who wielded them. The press of bodies was overpowering. The stink of sweat, gunpowder and blood permeated the air. There was little time to think or room to move as Archie joined the fray, cutting and slashing at whatever came at him. There seemed to be no end to the press of bodies that slowly drove the Indy’s crew backwards. Through the heat of battle Archie was dimly aware of Horatio, still shouting orders, rallying his men and of Riley at his elbow fighting for his life.

Somewhere cannons were still firing, though Archie couldn’t be sure which ship they came from. We can not win this time, Archie thought in a moment of panic, but he pressed on refusing to believe that they had come this far only to be taken within days of the English coast. He felt his strength ebbing as the cutlass became harder to wield and just as he thought he must surely fall, the way before him cleared, the Frenchmen finally falling back beneath the superior assault. Archie stumbled forward, his breath coming in searing gasped as he tried to follow. Surely they would they board the French ship now and try to take her?

He climbed on the bulwark, preparing to jump across, one hand gripping the ratlines the other brandishing his cutlass. But the ships s8uddenly pulled apart leaving Archie staring at an open chasm of angry sea as he balanced precariously, trying to regain his footing.

Something grabbed at his uniform and pulled him backwards so that he fell unceremoniously on to the deck, the back of his head landing with a resounding crack.

As his vision cleared he looked up into the startled blue eyes of Jonathan Riley. "Heavens Archie! What were you trying to do? Take that Frenchman all by yourself?"

"Well done Mr. Riley." It was Horatio speaking, grinning broadly as he shook Riley’s hand before he turned to Archie and frowned. "Didn’t you hear the call to cut loose?"

Archie blinked and sat up, gingerly rubbing his head. "No Horatio, er..Mr. Hornblower, I didn’t." There was no anger in Horatio’s face, just concern. He bent down and gave Archie a hand to stand. "It’s understandable, you were caught up in some heavy fighting. I thought for a minute there…" but the words were cut short by the order to reload and prepare for more fighting.

Through the fog, the French Frigate appeared again, her cannons blazing. "Bloody persistent." Archie muttered under his breath as he watched the gun crews load and fire. And then, just as suddenly as she had appeared, the French ship disappeared like a wraith back into the fog.

For long moments there was silence on the deck of the Indy as the Officers and crew strained to hear the elusive Frigate. But a slow keening cut through the silence, a sound that made Archie turn and make his way quickly to the main deck where he found Peter Crittenden on his knees beside the spread-eagled figure of Harry Stratford, his fair hair bloodied, his eyes lifeless.

It could have been me, it could have been Horatio, it could have been any one of us. Archie rubbed the rain from his eyes and watched as the shrouded body of Harry Stratford was slid of the pallet into the murky waters below. Captain Pellew had read from the bible and spoken about the young midshipman but Archie could not remember the words. He kept seeing his own life poised on the bulwark before Riley had pulled him to safety. There was still so much that he wanted to do, so much that he HAD to do. He looked across at Horatio and met his dark eyes so full of unspoken things. Perhaps Horatio was of a like mind? Perhaps he too thought of all the things that could yet be if they were given time.

Peter Crittenden stood like a man already dead, his complexion pale, his eyes as lifeless as Stratford’s had been before Archie had reached over and closed them. It was Archie who led the shocked Midshipman below decks after the burial, Archie who undressed him and helped him into his hammock where he fell into an exhausted sleep.

By evening however, things had changed. When Archie returned to the darkened Middies berth after supervising repairs to the rigging, he found Crittenden slumped on the floor against his sea chest, drunk. Moseby was crying bitterly in his hammock and Jonathan Riley was looking lost. "I don’t know what to do Archie?" Riley said, his own voice close to breaking.

"Go and talk to Pip while I see what I can do with Peter," Archie directed and he sat down on the floor. "Come on Peter, you have to sober up. You are due on watch in four hours."

"I don’t deserve your kindness Archie," Crittenden spat "Harry and I knew what Beddows was about. We could have stopped him." He tipped up the bottle of wine he was holding, splashing a good portion down his shirt. "You should be gloating now, because I’ve got what I deserved. I’ve lost the only person I ever loved!" Archie was taken aback by the bitterness in Crittenden’s voice, but it was his grief speaking and Archie reached out to take the bottle gently.

"You had far more to loose by going against Beddows. He knew your secret too and I’ve no doubt he would not have hesitated to bring it to the Captains attention if it had served his purposes. I’ve never held anything against you Peter."

"Why did he have to die Archie?" Crittenden sobbed, his head falling onto his knees, "Why him?"

"Archie?" Riley’s small voice interrupted, his hand tugging at Archie’s sleeve.

"Archie, I don’t know what to do for Pip. He’s so upset and says he wants his mother. I know the Captain said that it wasn’t allowed but do you think…just this once…that it would be all right if I got into his hammock with him?" Archie nodded and smiled "Yes Jonathan, I think it would be all right. Don’t worry."

He watched Riley walk back across the cabin and climb in beside Moseby who immediately turned into the embrace. A loud click spun Archie back to find Peter Crittenden busy with something inside his sea chest.

"What are you doing Peter?" Was the young man looking for more wine? But there was something familiar about the sound that made Archie move closer trying to see what Crittenden was doing in the near darkness.

Crittenden sat back and the pistol he was now holding caught the light from the glim, making it’s fine brass work glow. Archie noticed it was cocked and realised that was the sound he had previously heard.

"What are you doing Peter?" he said repeated cautiously, inching closer.

"This is the only way Archie, I can’t live without him." He weighed the pistol in his hand as if trying to make it feel comfortable there.

"I should have taken this with me when we were called on deck, but we barely had time to get dressed, you see. If we hadn’t been…if we hadn’t…I would have taken my pistol and I could have shot that French bastard who came at Harry. I saw it all you know, but I couldn’t reach him in time. If I’d had this pistol I could have saved him."

"Peter, it wasn’t your fault." The words sounded familiar to Archie but he had no time to wonder why. "Harry wouldn’t want you to do this, he would want to live and to remember what you both had together. You are lucky Peter, you shared something special with Harry and no one can take those memories from you. I know it’s hard when you loose someone, I know it feels like the end of the world, but you have to believe me when I say that it will pass and your memories of your times together will carry you through."

Sad green eyes looked into Archie’s, searching for the truth in the words. "Did you loose someone Archie?"

"Oh yes, but I never had the comfort of the memories that you have to carry me through. I only had the dreams of what might have been."

"Then how do you know that my memories will be enough?" Oh God, thought Archie, what should I say?

"Peter I would give anything to have memories of being held and loved by someone who loved me, anything. I know what it is like to seek death because you feel you can not face another day. But you must believe me when I tell you that you will go on. That each day will come and go, just as it always has and even without memories to cling to you would still make it through."

"Oh Archie, " Crittenden’s voice shook, just as his hand shook. "I want to believe you, but I know I can’t live without him." Very slowly the shaking hand brought the pistol up towards his temple.

"Peter, listen to me," Archie whispered desperately, "you’re drunk and you’re grieving for Harry. This isn’t the way."

"Thank you for all your kindness Archie." With a speed that surprised them both Archie threw himself forward, but the movement only caused Crittenden’s hand to jerk the trigger and there was a bright flash as the gun discharged. It was as if time stood still for a moment and Archie held his breath waiting for the sharp sound that never came. The pistol had misfired.

"Oh God," sobbed Crittenden, "I can’t even do this right."

As his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness again, Archie felt around and picked up the pistol, emptied the ball and slid it across the room away from Crittenden.

"It will be all right Peter." Archie said as he gathered the crying figure to him and gently stoked the fine black hair.

"So how is Peter Crittenden?" Horatio asked the following day as they stood together on the quarter deck during the second dog watch. Archie stared out at the blackness finding it hard to lie. "He’s taking it hard but he will be all right."

By mutual consent the three midshipmen, Riley, Moseby and Archie himself, had agreed to remain silent about what had happened in the midshipmen’s berth. Archie had walked with Crittenden and fed him strong black coffee until he was sober enough to for his watch then accompanied him on deck on the pretext that he could not sleep after the days fighting. He wondered whether Horatio had heard how he had spent the long hours of the first watch standing beside the younger man in the darkness, but if his friend knew anything he did not pursue the matter.

When their watch changed, they passed Crittenden on the companionway. He tipped his hat to Horatio and gave Archie a brief smile. "Will he be all right?" Horatio asked again as they made their way below and Archie knew he could lie no longer. "I honestly don’t know Horatio. It’s hard to loose someone you are that close to."

"Archie," Horatio’s voice hesitated, "Come to the wardroom with me for a drink. There is something I have been meaning to tell you."

Archie felt a sinking in his stomach, what could it be? Despite his growing sense of disquiet, Archie remained silent until they entered the ward room. It was deserted and Archie wondered where the other Lieutenants were. He sat down at the table while Horatio poured them both a glass of brandy.

"The good stuff Horatio? It must be serious." Archie said, trying to keep his voice light.

"Archie, when we return to Portsmouth I will be transferring to another ship." The words were like a blow, sharp and painful.

"What? How long have you known this? Why didn’t you tell me?" Archie’s voice rose along with a sense of panic. He was going to loose Horatio.

"The orders came when we were in Gibraltar. I wanted to tell you Archie, but then was not the right time. So much had happened. I didn’t know how you would take the news."

"So you just thought you would wait until we reached England? Is that it Horatio? One morning you would just appear with your dunnage and say ‘goodbye’?" He felt his eyes fill with tears and struggled to hold them back.

"Archie, I wanted to tell you but the time never seemed right."

"And it is now?" Archie asked in despair.

"Yes Archie, because yesterday I almost lost you and I realised then, I realised that I couldn’t just say goodbye and leave without ever, without us ever…." Horatio stopped suddenly and walked around the table until he was beside Archie. With infinite care he reached out to take Archie’s hand, all the while watching for any sign of rejection.

"Archie, you said once that you thought it would be different with me but that we would never know. Well I want to know and I think you do too. So will you? Will you come to bed with me?"

Had Horatio taken leave of his senses? Surely he wasn’t proposing that they make love in Horatio’s small cabin off the wardroom? Why, at any moment, someone might come in and catch them unawares. How often had Horatio joked about how they could hear each other scratching, so thin were the partitions that separated the cabins?

"Horatio, it’s too much of a risk. We will get caught." But Horatio shook his head knowingly. " Mr. Overton is on watch and Captain Pellew has invited Mr. Bracegirdle and Mr. Hepplewhite to dine with him. We have two whole hours all to ourselves, Archie." The dark eyes were alight now with something that Archie had only dreamed of seeing. He resisted the temptation to ask if Horatio had arranged this somehow with the Captain. Surely he wouldn’t be so bold!

"Archie?" his name was a whispered question as Horatio bent close and laid a single kiss upon his lips.

"Yes Horatio." Perhaps it was better to have one night where his dreams came true. He could face reality tomorrow.

Horatio led him to his small cabin, little more than a cupboard really with space for narrow cot and a place to hang his uniform. There was barely enough room for them to stand and undress together, but there was even less room on the bed. So they bowed to practicality and slowly shed their uniforms in the dim light. Archie was aware that his hands were shaking as he fumbled with the buttons on his breeches.

"Leave that for the moment Arch," Horatio said gently and drew him down onto the cot. "We will have to be quiet you understand, you can’t make too much noise." He leant in to kiss Archie again, surprised a little when Archie pulled away.

"Promise me one thing Horatio? Promise me that you won’t cover my mouth with your hand to keep me quiet?"

"Oh Archie," Horatio sighed and sat back, his eyes full of sympathy. "No, I won’t do that and I won’t do anything that you don’t want. I promise." They sat like that for a few minutes and Archie knew that his friend was waiting for him to make the next move.

It wasn’t easy, for this was so different to how it had been in his dreams. There was no cosy little room upstairs at the tavern, no soft comfortable bed just big enough for two. Instead Archie was surrounded by bulkheads in a cramped stuffy space that reminded him too much of the places that Jack Simpson had taken him to from time to time.

But he knew he had to try, that he might not have this opportunity again and so he dragged his eyes away from the walls that seemed to be closing in and focused on Horatio. Horatio who was looking at him with fire in his eyes, his lips slightly parted waiting for his kisses, his smooth pale skin waiting for his touch.

Archie lay back and reached out, beckoning Horatio closer. "I love you, Horatio" he whispered desperately, hoping to somehow make his dreams become real.

"I love you too Archie, you’re my best friend."

There was a subtle difference and Archie tried not to let his disappointment show for he had known all along what their relationship was based on. Friendship did not burn as hotly or brightly as passion, but it’s slow gentle warmth was always carried in the heart and it lasted longer. Far longer than passion that burnt itself out with it’s intensity.

Perhaps I have the better part of Horatio’s love, Archie concluded for he knew their friendship would carry on through the years. He wondered if the Captain could be as certain.

With that acceptance in his heart he gave himself up to Horatio’s kisses, surprised at the skill and the forcefulness that his friend showed. The deft touches, the sure hands that worked their way into his breeches and slipped them off almost without his realizing. They lay naked against each other and Archie wondered if he could get any closer to heaven than he felt now in Horatio’s arms kissing him passionately. But then his friend moved slowly downwards, his mouth and hands caressing gently as he went. Archie closed his eyes and waited in anticipation, steeling himself not to make a noise as he felt Horatio’s mouth engulf him.

"Oh, oh," Archie stuttered out, trying to keep quiet but aware he’d been too loud. "I’m sorry," he apologized quickly. But Horatio had stopped what he was doing and now sat grinning at Archie who lay back panting, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. "You are beautiful Archie." The simple words brought tears to Archie’s eyes and he smiled and raised his eyes to Horatio. "Will you do that again Horatio?"

Horatio bent his head and continued and Archie gave up all thoughts of heaven for surely something that felt this good had to be wrong and Horatio was certainly no angel, for angels didn’t lie there with their hair spread across your thighs and their lips around your…. "Oh Horatio!" Archie gasped and hit his head against the partition.

He waited a moment for his head to stop spinning then gazed up into the hungry dark eyes that hovered above. What would Horatio want in return? He didn’t like to ask for he felt he should know. So he sought out his greatest fear and offered it up as a gift in the hope that Horatio would somehow work magic and banish it forever.

"Take me Horatio?"

"Are you sure Archie? Are you sure that is what you want?" Horatio’s voice was rough with passion. Even as he asked the question he was already positioning himself, parting Archie’s thighs.

"Yes, Horatio," Why did his voice tremble like that? Why did his legs shake? Horatio must be able to feel his nervousness. He tried to turn over but Horatio held his shoulder. "Like this Archie, on your back so we can see each other. We can do it like this you know." He hadn’t known, but he dared not admit that, so he let Horatio take the lead again. For when it came to making love, Archie had to concede that Horatio knew far more. He might know the mechanics of it but Horatio knew the techniques.

"You’ll have to relax more love," Horatio said gently, his long fingers beginning their exploration. Archie stared with wide eyes as Horatio produced a little pot of something from somewhere under the bunk.

"It’s oil Arch, to make it smoother." He wondered where Horatio had learnt these gentle arts, for he was taking his time and doing things in a way that Simpson never had. The Captain of course, but the thought brought with it pain as Archie imagined them locked in an embrace like this. Did they feel this closeness too? This shattering intimacy that threatened to overwhelm him? In his fondest dreams he had never imagined how different it would be.

He looked up into Horat