Season Two

The next morning the lookout bawled down to the deck that there was a big man o'war hull up three points off the starboard beam.

"They've got the weather gage of us, Mr. Hornblower," Captain Pellew bellowed. "All hands to quarters and clear for action. We'll give them a run and then come about. We'll board and carry her, make no mistake about that."

"She's running up signals, sir!" the lookout called.

"Well, read 'em out to me, or must I send up a midshipman?"

"A small, dark square, sir. 'Tis all. What do it mean, Capt'n?"

"A black jack? Hi, ho! Only one man uses that signal, and he runs his ship man o'war fashion. Lucky Black Jack Aubrey."

Hornblower whispered excitedly, "Royal Navy, sir?"

"Not any more, Mr. Hornblower. Aubrey was dropped from the list for buggerin' an admiral's favorite midshipman."

"A pirate like us then, sir?"

"He's a smuggler, Hornblower. And, I wonder what he's got in his hold today? Barrels of poppy juice? Bales of coca leaf? French postcards? Spanish leather undergarments?"

"Then we've nothing to fear from him, sir?"

"Oh, he'll eat us up in an instant, my pet. The Awful is the sweetest sailor on a bowline, trim, taut, and most of all well-manned. Afterwards, he'll simply go on about his smuggling business and return home to his kingdom in South America."

Hornblower blinked, licked his beautiful lips thoughtfully and asked, "Captain, then we should attack him first. Don't you agree, sir?"

Pellew smiled and shook his head. "I don't think so. I plan to invite him to dinner. His particular friend too."

"You mean his lover, sir?"

"I doubt it. Dr. Estefan Maudelin is an animal lover. Sleeps with a wombat, I'm told."

Whoratio's eyes grew wider than usual. He gasped, "A wombat? A blood sucking sort of vampire bat? Eeeew!"

"Nothing of the kind, my dear boy! A marsupial, I'm told."

"Oh sir, I can only imagine its tendencies," Whoratio said, swallowing noisily.

Pellew patted his lieutenant's fine tight backside and they waited for the Awful to close. Then, not an hour later, a gorgeously polished mahogany gig bumped the accommodation ladder of the Relentless. The handsome bargemen in black and silver uniforms smartly raised their oars and saluted as their captain stood up and tugged on the straining man ropes. The entire ship's company of Relentless was assembled in the waist. Ship's boys in white gloves, midshipmen and handsome lieutenants in a row, even the two recently captured prisoners stood in gaping awe as the enormous visitor lumber like a sea elephant, one foot in the boat and the other on the ship's ladder.

Pellew whistled when he saw Black Jack Aubrey step onto the accommodation ladder. Then he grabbed for the taffrail as the Relentless heeled to starboard, dipping more than two feet downward. Pellew remembered the famous Captain Aubrey as a big man but now he seemed the size of a Welsh cob, not an ear of corn, mind you, but a large pony.

After his weight departed the gig, the small craft bobbed high in the water. It was suddenly so frisky that it threw a smaller man into the water as he tried to follow the captain on board Relentless. The thin, little man sank like a stone into the calm sea leaving only his wig floating on the surface.

"Ahoy!" shouted Pellew. "Man overboard!"

Black Jack turned to look, a frown of immense impatience wrinkling his features. Then, without a warning, he dove like Leviathan, down under the counter of Relentless. The surging, crystal splash of his dive soaked Pellew on the quarterdeck. Relentless rocked like a hobby horse gone wild and the wave nearly upset the gig too, since every man in Aubrey's boat crew leaped to his aid all at once.

Whoratio had the presence of mind to throw a thick hawser over the side. Lucky Jack grabbed it and heaved himself up out of the water carrying his small friend who had to be the famous Doctor Maudelin. Whoratio couldn't see any small creatures attached to the animal loving doctor. Yet, the prospect of viewing one made the lieutenant shudder. Even so, Whoratio was attentive to his duty and helped the visitors gain the deck.

"Double shots of rum all around, if you please," shouted Pellew to Mr. Hornblower, pointing at the guests and the boat's crew.

"Aye, aye, Capt'n," he roared in return.

As the rum was served out, Kennedy and the young midshipmen ran forward with blankets for the shivering doctor. Black Jack Aubrey declined the offer slipping off his sodden coat and handing it to Jackie Simpson. When the lad turned to take it below, Aubrey pinched the boy's bottom causing him to scurry away quickly.

Whoratio raised his eyebrow at the lewd behavior. Pellew gave him a smirk and pinched his lieutenant's bottom so he wouldn't feel left out. He then clapped him on the shoulder and invited him to supper in the dining cabin. Smartly turned out, too, he added.

Nodding, Whoratio made his way to the forward hatchway. Ponderous Aubrey was being eased down the ladder nearest Pellew's cabin followed by his small friend. Below in the galley, all manner of endangered species of animals were being cooked at that very minute for the wonderful feast.

In Your Dreams Capt'n A

by AZARAD

The bargemen came aboard and received a warm welcome from the men of the lower decks. They got out stolen bottles of rum and brandy, sharing with their guests like the jolly tars they all were. They laughed together and sang songs. Compliments were exchanged along with refreshments. A few of the crew of the Relentless were British whalers and they likened the Awful's captain to the finest behemoth that ever waved a fluke. Aubrey's coxswain, a man by the name of Barrette Bondan, because a pretty jeweled clasp gathered his long chestnut braid, praised the captain of the Relentless. Only a truly brave man would invite Black Jack Aubrey to dinner!

All through the quiet afternoon, the two ships wallowed in the calm seas. Music played and men danced on the forecastle after a filling dish of pease pudding. Down below, knives and forks in capable hands and mouths like tiger sharks made quick work of sea pies, turtle soup, roasted blue winged teal, half a dozen snow geese, a great albatross stuffed with brine shrimp, lobsters and tuna, spotted dog, drowned baby and plum duff.

Finally, Pellew pushed his chair back from the table, thoroughly beaten by his guest who swilled down dish after dish of food, and glass after glass of whatever was in the crystal decanters. Halfway through the meal, Aubrey cracked open his own bottles, brought from Awful as a gift for his host. One bottle turned out to be a specimen jar. The twice refined spirits were delicious if one didn't look too closely at the amazingly deformed hand inside the jar.

Only a few men at the table ate sparingly. Hornblower was one, always careful of his narrow waist and firm buttocks. Another was the Doctor. If Aubrey ate like a ravenous shark, then Maudelin ate like a timid deer. He nibbled a corner of biscuit. He tasted a morsel of fish. Yet, he did sample many of the wines and emptied a pot of coffee at his elbow. It was no wonder he was so thin. His favorite food seemed to be a little ball of dried leaves that he chewed, as contentedly as a dairy cow, throughout the meal.

Not having his mouth stuffed as often as Captain Aubrey, Maudelin was a masterful conversationalist, in half a dozen languages which he used simultaneously without regard for the native tongue of his listener. A sentence starting in Latin might well end in Greek or Hindi. Whoratio tried to engage him in a discussion of mathematics but to no avail until he let it slip that his father had been a country doctor. After that, Maudelin discussed a variety of ailments common to farmers, sailors, and daughter's of Aphrodite, some of which were particularly ugly and unpleasant conversation during dinner.

So, when Whoratio seemed a suitable shade of pale green, Maudelin offered to take the young lieutenant up into the fresh air on deck for a well-deserved medical examination. The Doctor said he desperately wanted to palpate the lad's spleen and check him for hernias. Happy to amuse a guest, Whoratio appealed to his captain for permission to leave the table. Pellew nodded and Whoratio practically ran up the ladders to the open air of the quarterdeck, the small doctor, hot on his heels.

Off came the splendid jacket first. Next, the rough linen shirt. Never bashful in front of his men, Hornblower disrobed casually for the Doctor’s scrutiny. The small man’s hands flew like birds over the snowy hills of the young man’s shoulders and down the smooth curve of his back.

"A few scars, I see," the Doctor said, tracing one or two fine lines with warm fingers down the youth’s sleek torso, raising the coral buds tipping the nascent pectoral muscles.

Hornblower said softly, "Archie gave me the one on my left shoulder."

"The marks are of teeth then? I was wondering..." the Doctor replied.

With a far-off gaze, Whoratio added, "I shiver remembering it, sir."

The Doctor pressed against Whoratio’s chest. "Lean back against the rail, my dear, if you please. Now, look up. Your eyes are very clear."

Maudelin felt the young man’s neck. He lifted each arm and pressed his fingers into the sensitive pits. He traced the muscle groups and nodded profoundly.

Then he said, "I must palpate your abdomen. How do your bowels move?"

"Oh! That surprised me."

"The prodding or the question, for all love?"

"The pressing, sir," Hornblower said, gazing warmly at the Doctor. "It has raised a tingling inside my whole body."

"Then, I must press on, my dear boy. I may have discovered something serious. Moreover, we must find a place of privacy. You must disrobe completely."

"My cabin should suffice. Kennedy will be drinking brandy with the Captains, I believe."

"Lead the way then, Lieutenant. There is not a moment to be lost!"

Down the ladders and down again to the Gunroom, Hornblower and Maudelin pressed on. Britches dropped, and soon the Doctor’s probing finger searched Whoratio’s most tender channel. A half minute of internal teasing woke with a sudden twitch the young man’s somnolent serpent which fattened before their shining eyes.

Then Doctor lifted the wrinkled sack, cradling the heavy orbs in his hands. Gently he squeezed and Whoratio sucked in a tense breath. Pure crystal drops exuded from Whoratio’s organ. Whoratio sighed and gazed longingly at the Doctor. Slicking the slippery liquid over the rosy head, Maudelin stretched back the foreskin of the young man’s cock and Whoratio moaned.

"’Tis as I feared, lad. A gross imbalance of the bodily humors. You must be relieved at once."

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