Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The characters of Horatio Hornblower, Archie Kennedy and captain Pellew are not mine. The others ARE!

Rating R18+ M/M sex

Authors Note. This story is the missing scene from the end of Through Jonathan's Eyes.        

Through Horatio's Eyes.

By Minerva.  

Portsmouth, November 1801

Part 1  

"You came!" It was all Horatio could think to say yet he knew it sounded inadequate. He had given up all hope of seeing his friend again this evening and it took a few moments for the reality to register when he looked up to find Archie Kennedy standing not four feet away, damp but smiling.

"Not yet Horatio, but I'm hopeful." Archie whispered, as he seated himself and leaned across the table, a cheeky smile covering his face. "It is still only early."  The words, coming from Archie, caused even more surprise. Carefully Horatio examined the blonde haired blue eyed young man grinning across the table at him and suddenly realised that in the year they had been apart, Archie Kennedy had changed. Gone was the shy, insecure young midshipman to be replaced by...what? Suddenly Horatio felt as if he was looking at a stranger.

Not knowing how to reply Horatio changed the subject. "I thought that perhaps you and young Riley were..." Horatio left off when he saw something flick across Archie's blue eyes and the smile disappear from his lips.

"And I thought that you would rather be spending the evening with Captain Pellew." The words were like an accusation; one that Horatio was willing to accept. In the past year, Horatio had often pondered his relationship with Archie and thought again about what he had done and how he had done it. Despite his good intentions, he knew that he had been more than a little careless in his treatment of his friend. That was why he'd been so desperate to see Archie tonight, to apologise and hopefully to make it up to him, one way or another.  But now as he sat here, gazing into those beautiful blue eyes, Horatio no longer had any idea of what to expect from the man before him.

"I didn't mean to imply that you and Riley were.." Horatio stuttered out, wondering if he had offended Archie's sensibilities again as he had in the past. Archie raised an eyebrow but remained silent, staring at him, throwing Horatio into even more of a quandary.

He studied Archie carefully, noting a newfound confidence that seemed to sit easily upon his broad shoulders as did the new Lieutenant's uniform. The attempt at bawdy humour, the sharp retort; these were not something that the old Archie would have done. Why HAD Archie come back to see him, Horatio wondered?

"So will you stay and have supper with me, or do you still have plans for later." It might be best not to assume too much.

"I can stay Horatio, that is, if you want me too?"

"I'd like that Archie, but do YOU want to stay?"

A smile broke across Archie's face, like the sun rising.  "Of course I want to Horatio, very much so." The answer was sincere and it chased away some of Horatio's doubts. Hesitantly he reached across the table so that their fingers were just touching. "I have missed you so much Archie. Not a day has gone by that I haven't regretted what I did."

"Regretted!" Archie pulled his hand away, his voice loud in the small room. Horatio looked around quickly, but the few patrons who were out on such a wet night appeared to be well sunk in their cups by this time.

"You misunderstand me Archie. Please, let me explain." Horatio licked his full lips before continuing. This reunion was not going at all the way he had planned.

"I realised that I did you a great disservice Archie. It was unfair and cruel of me to make love to you and then leave.  You deserved far more than one night from me Archie, one rushed, frantic encounter." Horatio shook his head. "What must you have thought of me, after that?"

Archie looked down at the table, not meeting Horatio's eyes. A fallen angel; that's what Archie was, too good for this earth, too trusting. He'd been the victim of mans cruelty far too often and yet he still survived.  But at what price? Had Horatio's departing gift been the final cut that destroyed Archie's hard kept innocence?

Slowly the blue eyes rose again, no anger, no accusations there now.

"Horatio, I was hurt, but then I had never fooled myself into believing that I was anything more than a friend to you. I knew what you offered me that night and I knew on what terms." Archie gave a little strangled laugh. "I'll admit that I held a secret little hope that you may feel about me the same way as I did about you, but it was just a fantasy. I knew it could not be."

"Oh Archie, you are wrong! It was I who had fooled myself. I didn't realise until it was too late. I had lust confused with love and..." Horatio hesitated, brushing a wayward dark curl back from his forehead. Archie's eyes looked at him hopefully, willing him to go on.

"Once I had left the Indy, I couldn't stop thinking about you Archie. It was YOU that I missed, everything about you.  I am ashamed to say also that I very quickly forgot Captain Pellew. I know how that sounds Archie, but it is the truth. And he told me as much, told me it would happen." Horatio smiled sadly as he remembered Pellew's departing words. 'This has been good Horatio, good for both of us, but it is ended now and we must not feel sorry. You are young and you will very quickly find love again. It comes easily at your age. And one day you will find true love, a love that eclipses all else and I will be but a fond memory.'

"I love you Archie! I think I always have, but I was blinded by other things."

"Horatio, I don't know what to say. I have always loved you, since the moment you came aboard all wet and bedraggled, looking like a spaniel that someone had abandoned. There was just something about you.  But I long ago gave up any hope that you could ever love me. I am more than happy to have your friendship; it means the world to me. "

"And is that all you want now Archie? Are you content with that?" Horatio held his breath waiting for Archie's reply.

"No, I'd like more Horatio, but..." Archie's face suddenly clouded with concern.  "I really think I might disappoint you in some areas."

"Archie? What do you mean? What has happened to you now?"

"Nothing has HAPPENED to me Horatio!" Archie snapped and Horatio saw a flash of the old Archie who hated anyone's pity. "I am just as I have always been, but I am a little more experienced now and I know myself and my ...flaws."

Horatio's eyebrows rose. Experienced? Well it was to be expected. He thought again of Jonathan Riley and wondered. Surely not him; Archie had once been so distressed that Horatio had even suggested the possibility. But boys grow into men, and Riley was no longer a child.  Horatio suddenly found he had a growing dislike for Mr Riley. What had that boy done to Archie!

How to approach this without having Archie close up on him again. They had never really spoken about what had happened in Archie's dim dark past except towards the end of their time together. They had both found it awkward and uncomfortable. Horatio suspected he had felt even worse discussing it than Archie did himself. But he had to do it now, had to make the effort if there was ever to be any chance for himself and Archie.

"Archie, would you like to tell me about it?"

For a moment Horatio thought Archie would remain silent. The blue eyes darted away as if seeking a place to hide. But slowly they returned to meet Horatio's and Archie spoke quietly.

"So much has happened in the last year Horatio. I really don't know if there is any use recounting it all. It won't change what I did and I doubt it will make me feel any better about the whole thing."

"But it might Archie."

The blue eyes looked down at the table then up again, suddenly wary and guarded. Finally Archie nodded, a gesture of resignation. "All right then Horatio, but not here, somewhere private."

Part 2

It was a good room, towards the back of the inn, with a large bed and a table and chairs. Horatio was glad that he had spent a little more on it than was his usual practice. The soft candlelight and the wine they were drinking seemed to relax Archie as he recounted his experiences of the last year. There were more than a few incidents that surprised Horatio. Peter Crittenden being only the first.

"It just sort of happened Horatio, well that's not exactly true I suppose. I was the one who asked Peter in the end."

"You!" Horatio tried to stop the rise in his voice.

"Yes and he was such a generous lover, so gentle, so tender. I gave Peter my word and then I betrayed the trust he had in me. What can I say, I just couldn't help myself. I WANTED Jonathan, even though I knew it was wrong."

Horatio resisted the urge to interrupt and bit his lip instead as he listened to Archie relate his brief but passionate affair aboard the Mistral.

"Once we'd started I just couldn't stop. Why even when he bit me on the ...er...well...even THEN I still wanted him so badly that it hurt. It was pure lust Horatio, I'm convinced of that now. Hot and mindless and..."

"You really don't have to give me all the details Archie." Horatio muttered. But Archie continued on, seemingly unaware of his discomfit, lost in his remembrances.

"Of course I cared for Jonathan too. It wasn't all just physical. He really is quite endearing. BUT it was very ill advised and we took a terrible risk."

Once more Horatio fought to hold back a scathing comment as Archie finally reached the point of his whole story and began relating what he saw as his failing.

"So perhaps that is the reason why I could never.... Perhaps it was my own conscience telling me that I was doing wrong...or ...Oh I don't know Horatio, maybe it really IS all because of Jack Simpson and what he did...I just don't know."

Horatio took a breath and wondered what to say to his friend who was looking at him with hopeful eyes as if somehow he held all the answers.

"I know of what you speak Archie," Horatio began hesitantly, pushing aside his jealousy and wondering how much to say. Perhaps it would be best not to get Archie's hopes up until they had an opportunity to explore Archie's claims further. "I'd like to help you find out more about this if you are willing? After all it's obvious that Jonathan didn't have the experience or the patience to achieve any sort of success."

"He did try Horatio," Archie interrupted. "He was very eager, but I was a rather poor teacher I think."

Horatio tried to ignore his growing jealousy again. He didn't know which one irked him the most, Riley or Crittenden. If Crittenden had not been so fond of taking the submissive role, he might have circumvented this whole situation. As it was, all Crittenden had done was steal the gift that Horatio had hoped to give Archie himself. As for Riley, well it was a wonder that the boy hadn't crippled Archie with his over enthusiasm. He'd probably done more harm than good.

Horatio shook his head as he realised how he had misjudged his friend once again. How he could ever have thought that Archie would still be a virgin in that respect. But maybe that was how he had come to see Archie; the giver, the victim, never the aggressor when it came to a sex.

This certainly put a different slant on Horatio's plans for the evening.

Horatio put down his wine and rubbed at his eyes. Perhaps simple honesty was best approach. "Archie, I always seem to misjudge you. Right from the beginning I never really listened to you or understood what you were trying so hard to tell me. I shouldn't be jealous; I have no right to be. And yet I am. Jealous of Riley and Crittenden and angry at them too for making this all the harder for us."

"Horatio, it's not their fault. Blame me if you must blame anyone. I'm the one who has been loose with my affections, whilst you have been faithful to the memory of our time together."

Oh dear, there was that misunderstanding again. "Archie," Horatio began very quietly. "That's not exactly true. Whilst I never stopped thinking of you, I did have other lovers."

How easy it was to see into Archie's heart at times, so easy to see the hurt and disappointment shining in those blue eyes. "They were purely friends, Archie," Horatio added hurriedly. "Surely you can understand. I didn't want to be alone, forever thinking of what had been. Sometimes I needed to reach out and hold someone or to be held myself."

The fair head nodded again. "Yes, I do understand Horatio for I too have felt that way. It is not my place to judge." Archie licked his lips quickly, considering his next question. The sight of his small pink tongue darting around those full lips made Horatio catch his breath. "Were there many?" It was a bold question but asked so timidly that Horatio could only smile.

"Only two, one was a fellow Lieutenant on board the 'Renown'. A good fellow, we became close friends. You'd like him Archie. His name is Bush, William Bush." Archie smiled warmly. Horatio hesitated; this next admission would not be quite so easy.

"And would you believe, we once again had to convey Lord Edrington's Regiment on a special mission. He was quite pleased to see me."

Archie nodded, not yet making the connection. "Does he still have that intolerably superior attitude to everyone, Horatio?" he asked, clearly having less fond memories of the Earl.

"I never saw him like that Archie. I rather liked him." Horatio fixed Archie with a direct look and hoped he wouldn't have to elaborate any further.

Understanding slowly dawned on Archie's face. "Oh, I see. Him!"

"Yes Archie. I am sure if you got to know F.G. you'd see that he wasn't like that at all."

"I have no intention of getting to know him Horatio and I do NOT have to like all of your lovers."

"No of course not Archie, and perhaps in the future it might be best if we didn't discuss such things. There is no need to and it merely serves to make us both...uncomfortable...so I say we don't ask and we don't tell."

Archie sat back in his chair and looked around the room. "I think that might be a good idea Horatio; one of your better ones for the evening. We don't need to know each other's every secret." He stretched a little and yawned and looked back to catch Horatio's eyes.  "So! What now? After all of that do you think it best if I leave now?"

"I don't want you to leave Archie. I want you to stay here with me all night. I want you to sleep in my arms, either as a lover or as a friend, it matters not. When I sail tomorrow I want to carry that memory with me."

Archie grinned shyly. "No wonder they can't say 'no' to you Horatio! Such words!" Horatio was about to protest, but Archie stood and reached out a hand.

"Come on then Horatio. I too want a night to remember."  Their hands clasped and Horatio slowly stepped around the table to Archie's side only to be pulled into a firm embrace and kissed quite soundly. He responded, a little surprised that Archie would take the lead, but finding it arousing all the same.

Yes, Archie had changed. It was confirmed moments later when the blonde Lieutenant manoeuvred them to the bed and drew Horatio down. Skilful fingers found buttons and ties while an equally skilful mouth kissed and licked and nipped it's way from lips to throat to chest.

"I've been thinking about this night for a long time Horatio," Archie whispered "Thinking about what I'd like to do, how I'd like to thank you. Because I DO have much to thank you for Horatio, you know that, don't you?"  Horatio could only gasp and nod as he lay on his back, Archie poised between his naked thighs. He waited for Archie to continue and was a little surprised when his friend still held back.

"So Horatio," Archie whispered again. "May I make love to you, this time?"

It was so typical of Archie to ask; never to assume. Perhaps that was one of the qualities that Horatio loved most about his friend.

"Oh yes, Archie. Please do."

It became a little frantic after that, but perhaps that was half the pleasure. To see Archie swept away by his passion, no fear in his eyes this time. Simply lust and love and desire all burning there as he claimed Horatio as his own. Horatio closed his eyes. That feeling of possession, of belonging could sometimes transcend even the physical. He was dimly aware they were both calling out, to God, to each other; calling out and holding on as if nothing would ever separate them again. He believed it for a moment, let himself be seduced by the beautiful deception as they lay together, still entwined, not wanting to release each other.

But finally Archie rolled away onto his back, leaving Horatio to feel the cold air against his skin, alone once more with just his memories. It was always like this; the acute ache of loneliness that claimed his soul, when by rights he should still be rejoicing. He rolled onto his side, watching Archie resting, eyes closed, a smile on his lips, blonde hair in disarray, sweaty; the very picture of contentment. Or so Horatio hoped.

"Archie?"

"Hmmm," The reply sounded sleepy, sleepy but content. Horatio moved closer so that he could rest his head on Archie's shoulder. A strong arm encircled him.

"After we have rested, perhaps I could try to show you..., that is, if you'd like me to...I wouldn't mind and I'm sure I could...I DO know what I am doing."

Archie laughed, his chest shaking under Horatio's hand. "Really Horatio, you are staring to sound like Jonathan. You make this sound like some sort of examination! Next thing you'll have out your books and be reading up on how to do it right!"

Horatio bit back the jealous retort that flashed in his mind, knowing it wouldn't help. He tried another tack. "Book? Now there's a thought. I wonder if there is one?" Their laughter echoed throughout the room, before their breathing grew steady and they drifted into sleep.

Part 3

It was comforting to wake with someone's arms around you. Horatio opened his eyes; his internal clock telling him it was early in the middle watch. He listened to Archie's steady breathing, committing it to memory so that he could carry this moment with him when they parted. Slowly he let his fingers trace delicate patterns on Archie's chest, caressing the smooth skin, the flow of muscles, the bump of ribs. Lower his hand delved to be rewarded by a sigh. Horatio looked up and found Archie watching him intently, his blue eyes just visible in the near darkness.

"Shh," Horatio whispered. Archie remained quiet.

How to approach this? What best to do? There were several things that Horatio could try, but he wanted to guarantee success. He wondered again about the circumstances that had robbed Archie of this pleasure, for it had been so easy, so natural for him to find. He'd known of it from almost the first although not the reasons. Although a skilful lover, Captain Pellew had not been given to discussing such things. He and Bush had merely been content to share a little pleasure now and again when the need took them. It had been Lord Edrington who had lifted the veil of mystery and shown him the practicalities of it all. Horatio smiled to himself as he thought of all that Edrington had shown him and how he would like to in turn show Archie; but for now it might be best to face the problem at hand.

Problem...perhaps that was the crux of the matter. If he thought about this as a problem, treated it as such, then any spontaneity would be lost. Was that what Archie had unconsciously done? Had he become so worried about it that he had lost the ability to simply relax and let it happen? Perhaps there lay the solution. If Archie could just lose himself like he had before; but Archie had been the one in control then and Horatio the compliant one. Was that part of it too? Did Archie prefer to retain control? It wouldn't be surprising given what lay in his past. And maybe the truth of it all was that Archie simply didn't like it. That was possible too. If Archie found it distasteful then no amount of trying would change his mind. But Archie had been the one to ask him, that first time, something he would not have done if he had truly disliked it.

No, it must be the vulnerability that Archie felt whenever he submitted to anyone. It would be hard for Archie to trust anyone after what he had experienced. Trust. Such a little word and yet it encompassed so much.  Did Archie trust him? COULD Archie trust him?

"Archie, do you realise that you don't have to do this? Not for me, not for anyone? You can simply say no. There are many other things that we can take pleasure from."

"I know Horatio, but it wouldn't be fair to expect that. I LIKE doing it so it is only to be expected that I return the favour."

"Not if it is distasteful to you Archie. No one would expect that."

"I don't find it distasteful, Horatio. I do enjoy it," Archie voice wavered a little and Horatio wondered if he was being completely honest.

"Archie, do you trust me?"

The blue eyes looked at him, shining now. "Yes Horatio. Of all the friends I have, it is you that I trust the most."

Horatio smiled, deeply moved by Archie's words. "I love you Archie, I always will."

"And I you Horatio."

The time for talking was done. Horatio answered Archie with a kiss, one that grew and blossomed into something more. It was hard to retain some measure of control and not lose himself in the feeling of Archie beneath him. Horatio had dreamed of this for so long, dreamed of what he would do when he had Archie in his arms again. Yet he held back a little for he sensed Archie would reject any roughness, needing gentleness now, more than anything else. He took his time in preparation, not rushing it, knowing what he was seeking, as he had not before.

Archie gasped. "Did you feel that?" Horatio asked?

"Yes," Archie replied uncertainly. It was not quite the response Horatio was hoping for. He tried again. This time the gasp was louder.

"What are you doing to me Horatio?" Horatio stretched up and kissed Archie without relinquishing his prize.

"This," he whispered into Archie's mouth and smiled as he felt Archie draw his breath hard and writhe beneath him.

"Do it again."  Horatio did, sliding back down to his position between Archie's legs to watch the golden body undulate before him. It was time.

"Archie, will you roll over and kneel up, this time? You'll feel it better that way." Horatio waited, knowing the connections that Archie would be making in his mind, praying that he wouldn't refuse, that he would trust him enough to allow this. The blue eyes opened and looked at him, full of hesitancy.

"All right Horatio." The words were a whisper as Archie moved. Belatedly Horatio wondered if he should have lit a candle. Perhaps a little more light would help to dispel demons. But it was too late for that now, for Archie waited, shivering slightly in the chill air. Horatio moved behind him, hands gently running down his back, his sides, his flanks. What to say? What to ease Archie's mind and give him some control?

"Did I really look like a spaniel Archie?" The soft laugh was reassuring and Horatio let his fingers go to work again.

"Yes, you did. A wet spaniel, dripping water all over the deck. I half expected you to shake yourself."

"I am glad you were there to take me in Archie." Horatio whispered as his actions mirrored his words. He felt Archie tense momentarily. "I would have been quite lost without you." Horatio continued softly holding still for a moment.

"How could I do otherwise when you looked at me with those eyes Horatio?" If Archie intended to say more, it was cut off by his low gasp as Horatio gently rocked into him. Slowly, carefully Horatio built up his rhythm, pleased when Archie joined him, actively seeking the sensations.

"Oh," Horatio reached around and stroked Archie's erection, a little surprised at how quickly Archie had reached this point. He was gasping now, loudly and desperately. "More," he demanded and Horatio was happy to oblige. A little harder, a little faster, Horatio let go his control, comfortable in the knowledge that Archie was well on the way to his own pleasure now. It felt so good, feeling Archie move like this, hearing him moan, seeing him unselfconscious in his abandonment. Horatio steeled himself, fought his way back from the edge, knowing that this time he must wait, his body screaming for it's own release, but waiting for the sound of Archie's cries.

He almost lost the battle, almost thought that it would not happen. But Archie whispered his name; whispered, not screamed, a soft shuddering sound that was all the more powerful because of that. Stillness for a moment, then a powerful shiver passed through Archie and Horatio moved with it, seeking his own release now, thrusting the last few times until he too was swept away.

They fell together in a tangled heap, slowly crawling into each other's arms. Horatio found himself once more on Archie's shoulder, a position he was growing to like. He stretched up and kissed Archie roughly on the lips before closing his eyes.

"Who showed you that, Horatio?" Archie's question broke through the haze of sleep that was slowly enfolding him.  Horatio frowned, not sure Archie would like the answer.

"It was Lord Edrington, Archie."

"Edrington?" No, Archie didn't sound pleased at all.

"Yes, and I am sure if you got to know him you would have different opinion of him altogether."

"I dare say," Archie murmured under his breath. He spoke a little louder. "I will have a few things to say to him if I ever meet him again, Horatio."

"You will?"

"Yes," Archie replied, kissing Horatio's sweaty forehead. "I think I owe him a debt of thanks. Perhaps I have misjudged him, Horatio, he may not be so insufferable after all."

Horatio smiled to himself and closed his eyes, the weight of loneliness gone for the moment. I don't think F.G would find you insufferable either Archie, Horatio mused to himself as his dreams claimed him once more.  

The End.

Minerva August 2000  

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