Disclaimer: The Characters of Archie Kennedy, Captain Pellew, Horatio Hornblower, Bracegirdle, Bowles, Lord Edrington and Matthews are NOT MINE. All other original characters are mine and should not be used without permission.

Rating: R18+

Warnings: M/M & M/F sex, violence, bad language, blasphemy, racial slurs, references to rape. Some characters may be deemed underage in some countries.

Feedback: All comments are always appreciated. Jonathan_riley@yahoo.com

Note: Whilst I have attempted to maintain Historical and Naval authenticity, some errors may be present. Should you find any I would be happy to hear from you.

This story is a sequel to 'Through Archie's Eyes' and the Postscript Story 'Peter's Story'. You should read those first before attempting this one. The Postscript Story 'Jonathan's Story' can simply be attributed to one of Jonathan's vivid dreams <VBG>      

Through Jonathan's Eyes.  

Gibraltar June 1801

Blue eyes haunted Jonathan Riley's sleep. Archie's eyes!

Twelve months ago they had stared at him, full of disbelief and hurt as Riley had muttered out his apology and stumbled from the Captain's cabin. Now they came to him in his sleep; a constant reminder of what he had lost that day.

For Jonathan Riley, the incident twelves months ago had been doubly damning. Not only had he lost Archie Kennedy's friendship by having it made to look like something dirty by Midshipman Beddow's cruel accusations. But, he had also been forced to accept things about himself that he had long tried to ignore and even now struggled to understand.

Perhaps that was the real reason he was here this morning, naked and exhausted in bed with a stranger. He rubbed his eyes and tried to forget the faint ache in his head, the legacy of too much to drink last night.

"Morning love. Are you awake?" asked the drowsy voice beside him.

"Yes," he answered very quietly. He sat up slowly and looked around for his clothes.

A small hand reached out and began to trail down his chest. He grabbed it before it could sink any lower.

"I should going," he said, wanting to leave as quickly as possible but reluctant to get out of the bed and display his nakedness to the girl. No doubt she'd seen it all last night, but he'd been more than a little drunk then and it hadn't bothered him. Now, in the clear light of morning, he felt ashamed.

"Can you stay a little longer love?" she asked, sitting up beside him, quite unconcerned by her own state of undress. "I'll let you do it again, seeing as how it was your first time and all," she purred. Her hand came up to play with Riley's strawberry blonde hair where it lay loose upon his lightly freckled shoulders. "No extra charge, just let me have a little souvenir, eh? Can I have one of them pretty curls? I never had a lad with hair this colour before."

Riley blushed even more and tried not to stare at her breasts. "I really don't have time. I have to report to my ship. I think I'm late already," he lied, sliding away from her hands.

She was pretty enough and young, probably not much older than he was. Lionel had chosen well. She'd been patient with him too and had never once made him feel like the fumbling novice that he was sure he must be. He'd enjoyed her, well, as much as you could enjoy a stranger whose name you didn't know. She'd probably told him that last night whilst she was giving him instructions, but he didn't remember.

He'd been so eager for this and yet now, on reflection, it had been strangely disappointing. Perhaps Archie had been right after all. Hurriedly he pulled on his clothes, refusing to think about Archie Kennedy or his advice. It was too late for that now.

Last night Riley had hoped that this one act might somehow be the answer to all his concerns. That by doing this he might banish the thoughts that plagued him daily and the dreams that ruled his sleep.

He had been wrong. The mere thought of Archie Kennedy set his heart beating faster. He blushed even more as he remembered that it had been Archie that he had thought about at the pinnacle of his pleasure.

The girl was still sitting in the bed watching him with a silly little grin on her face. He found it unsettling. On impulse he drew the small dirk that he wore as part of his dress uniform and cut off a piece of his hair.

"Here you are," Riley said, hoping to sound gallant and grateful. In reality he wanted to run.

The girl pouted as he placed the ringlet in her hand. "I was hoping for one of the others too, love." she teased.

He pulled his hair back and tied it securely with a black ribbon. "Maybe another time," he muttered as he fled the room.

Outside Lionel Thockmorton waited, seated on a low stone wall enjoying the sun.

"Ah there you are young Jonathan! A man at last! Now you must tell me all about it, every last detail!"

Riley groaned inwardly and rubbed his forehead. Thockmorton, on seeing the gesture continued quite unabashed. "Sore head? But which one? Too much drink or too much rogering?"

"Both," Riley muttered, hoping to end the conversation. He liked Lionel and knew him to be all bluster, but he really didn't want to talk about this now. "Have you seen Peter or Archie this morning?" Riley continued hoping to change the subject.

Thockmorton leapt to the bait. "Ah therein lies a mystery, Jonathan! Neither of them found their way to Miss Angelina's last night. They must have found themselves some other sport!"

There was no reason to feel the sinking in his stomach, Riley told himself. There was a simple explanation as to where the two were. But at the back of his mind Riley could not help but feel a slight shiver of disquiet.

As the two young men made their way back to the tavern where they had left Kennedy and Crittenden the evening before, Lionel Thockmorton gave a lively recount of his prowess at the brothel. Jonathan only half listened. His mind was elsewhere.

In the past twelve months, whilst anguishing over his own feelings, Riley had finally come to understand the nature of the friendship that Peter Crittenden had once enjoyed with his dead friend Harry Stratford. At first, Riley had been shocked that he had not realised what was between the pair at the time. But he had been younger then, and his knowledge of such things almost non-existent. He knew that certain acts were forbidden under The Articles of War, but was ignorant as to what they entailed.

Beddows had put an end to that. The older midshipman had taken great delight in giving Riley graphic details using course words and base gestures. The resulting picture had been made worse by the inclusion of Archie Kennedy, as a participant in and perpetrator of such acts.

Riley had still been reeling from the shock when Archie had returned to the Middie's berth. He had spoken without thought, not yet having had time to assimilate Beddows accusations. Archie's resulting fit had been the first in a long series of developments that had left Riley feeling even more confused and guilty.

It had been the disclosure late the next day by Lieutenant Hornblower, which had convinced Riley that he was to blame for Archie's present condition. Lieutenant Hornblower had sought Riley out on the foredeck and proceeded to explain how Archie Kennedy had been a victim of abuse by a man named Jack Simpson. This story, coupled with Beddows earlier descriptions had left Riley feeling sick. It also left him with a feeling of self-loathing as he remembered how much he had enjoyed the feel of Archie lying next to him in his hammock. He remembered Archie's reluctance. He remembered how he had begged his friend to keep him company. What must Archie have thought? What must he have felt? I'm no better than that man Simpson, Riley had finally decided.

But try as he may, Riley could not banish the feelings he had for Archie. Feelings that had become more concrete despite the associated sense of revulsion that Beddows had conjured.

For a long time Riley had avoided being near to Archie, worried that somehow the blonde midshipman would sense the feelings that he fought to keep hidden. Archie would be disgusted if he should ever found out. Everyone would be disgusted.

Six months ago tragedy had struck. Harry Stratford had been killed in battle and Riley had been witness to what the resultant grief had done to Peter Crittenden. It was Crittenden's pain and heartache that made Riley see there was a second side to that which Beddows had called 'unnatural'. As Crittenden lay slumped on the floor, sobbing in Archie arms, speaking of his love for Harry Stratford, Riley had finally come to understand that for some men such things were done for love.

It had been a powerful lesson and one that had changed Riley's whole perception of life. But at the same time came a further realisation; even if there was pleasure to be found in such a relationship would Archie ever willingly seek it out?

So Jonathan Riley had endeavoured to put all thoughts of Archie Kennedy from his mind. Lionel's plans to celebrate Riley's sixteenth birthday with a visit to a brothel had initially been refused. But after thinking about it, Riley decided that perhaps this of all things, might cure him of his feelings for not only Archie, but all men. Perhaps once he had been with a woman, once he had experienced what Lionel talked endlessly about, then he would feel different.

They the entered the small tavern where they had been yesterday and immediately saw Kennedy and Crittenden sitting closely together across the room. One look at Archie Kennedy, his fair hair still loose and laughter in his eyes, was enough for Jonathan Riley to know that nothing had changed.      

Part 2

"At last! The missing Midshipmen are found!" Thockmorton called out at the top of his voice and waved. On hearing Lionel's greeting, Archie and Peter looked up. Archie blushed. Peter grinned.

"That's one Midshipman and one Acting Lieutenant, Lionel." Crittenden corrected with a smirk. "Don't you forget it." Upon the transfer of Horatio, a new Lieutenant, Mr Hays had been assigned to the Indefatigable but a short time later Mr Bracegirdle left after being promoted to Post Captain. Archie had once again been given the position of Acting Lieutenant, a position that might soon become permanent if he was successful in the examination yesterday.

"And what happened to you gentlemen last night?" Thockmorton inquired, seating himself at the table and waving his hand for service. "Did you drink so much that you simply fell under the table together?"

Archie flicked his eyes towards Peter before looking into his glass of ale.

"Not at all Lionel." Crittenden leaned back in his chair and balanced it on the two back legs. "We found a couple of willing lasses right here. They were quite taken with us. We got rooms upstairs. Isn't that right Archie?"

"Oh yes." Archie agreed smiling to himself.

"We had a wonderful night. Didn't cost us a penny either. They were more than eager." Crittenden looked at Archie and grinned. The blue eyes looked up and slowly met Crittenden's. Something passed between them in that look. Something Jonathan saw, but did not fully understand. He glanced at Thockmorton but the aristocratic midshipman's attention was elsewhere.

"What about you Jonathan?" Archie's voice called him back. Riley looked into those blue eyes and saw something different there. Archie was happy. Happier than Jonathan had seen him look in a months.

"What?" Jonathan asked, caught by those eyes and trying to look deeper into the soul that was just out of his reach.

"How did it go, Jonathan? How was your...er...night?" Archie's voice had changed to the soft way he used to speak when they had shared confidences long ago. His eyes now showed a gentle concern.

"Oh...it was...fine...yes, it was good, thank you Archie." Jonathan stuttered and looked away, feeling uncomfortable and slightly confused. What had happened here, last night, between these two?

"So shall we have a little wager gentlemen?" Thockmorton lifted his newly arrived glass of ale and took a sip.

"On what Lionel?" Peter asked. He helped himself to a chunk of bread from the plate that had been placed in front of Thockmorton.

"Each man on his honour of course. But what's say we have a wager as to who fired off their cannon the greatest number of times. Where are my eggs woman?" The last was shouted across the room. Riley jumped.

"You're on Lionel. Shall we say...next months allowance?" Crittenden was grinning across the table and even Archie was trying to hide his smile.

The eggs arrived, greasy and half cooked. Thockmorton tucked in without further comment.

"Not eating Jonathan?" Archie asked softly. Those blue eyes were still full of growing concern.

"No, I feel a little..."

"Worn out, no doubt!" Thockmorton supplied happily. "You first then, young Jonathan. How many shots did you get off?"

Riley paused. He'd become accustomed to talk such as this, but had never been included in it before today. He hesitated, unsure of his answer.

"Do you mean actually...doing it...with the...er...girl...or does it count if I um...before I...actually...while she was...um..?"

Crittenden spluttered into his ale. "Think he might have missed the bloody target, Lionel!" Thockmorton burst out laughing. He hit Riley affectionately on the back. Riley blushed and hung his head wondering if he would ever be taken seriously.

"How many times did you come lad?" Thockmorton finally managed to get out between snorts of laughter.

"Three," Riley muttered. He didn't like this game at all.

"Good for you, young Jonathan, but that's not going to win you the prize!" Thockmorton pulled a lace handkerchief from his pocket and delicately wiped his lips. "Now I managed to perform most admirably five times, with two delightful young doxies who were more than impressed with my marksmanship." He folded his arms and sat back with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Very impressive as always, Mr Thockmorton." Peter Crittenden said seriously, then grinned wickedly. "But I am afraid I matched your record last night. And I had just ONE partner."

"Hmph," Lionel frowned clearly unimpressed. "Well it's a tie then."

"Perhaps not, we haven't heard from Mr Kennedy?" Peter tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at Archie. "What about you Arch?"

Archie looked up eyes alight, and beamed. "Six times, gentlemen. I had an outstanding partner who inspired me to levels of greatness above and beyond the call of duty!"

"I don't believe you!" Thockmorton blurted out.

"Oh believe him, Lionel. I'll bear witness!" Crittenden grinned. Riley's mouth flew open and even Thockmorton looked askance.

"Heard it all through the wall. We had adjoining rooms, you see." Crittenden continued calmly. "I can attest to the fact that Mr Kennedy came six times, very loudly indeed."

"I always thought a man was supposed to slow down with age." Thockmorton said with a slight smirk.

"I'm only twenty four Lionel. I am sure I have a few good years left in me yet." Archie replied, not taking offence at the jest.

"Well, I guess congratulations are in order." Thockmorton held out his hand and shook Archie's vigorously. "Don't suppose you could point out the lass in question do you Archie?"

Archie grinned and flicked a glance at Crittenden. "A gentleman never tells, Lionel," he replied shyly.

Throughout the exchange Jonathan Riley had watched and listened taking in every small nuance, every look that passed between Archie and Peter. It brought back memories of Peter and Harry Stratford laughing together in the Middie's berth, sharing a private joke. He watched the interplay as Crittenden casually brushed Archie's arm with his hand, or leaned in closer than was necessary when they spoke. But the most amazing thing was that rather than be repulsed by it, Archie seemed to enjoy the attention.

Had he been wrong?

Had all his assumptions about Archie Kennedy gleaned most painfully during the incident last year been incorrect? For surely it was there for anyone to see; anyone, that is, who cared to look closely at the two young men across the table.

Archie Kennedy and Peter Crittenden were lovers.

The realisation slowly sank in leaving Jonathan Riley feeling cold. He had been a fool. He had misunderstood everything and now he had lost the chance to ever have Archie for his own.

"Jonathan? Are you sure you are all right?" With great reluctance, Jonathan looked up into the smiling blue eyes again and felt his heart sink. "Yes Archie," he answered trying hard to smile. "I'm fine."  

Part 3

They were back on board the Indy by the commencement of the Afternoon watch. Little Pip Moseby was bursting with questions as they stepped into the Middies Berth. Thankfully Lionel Thockmorton was happy to oblige and set about regaling the youngster with tales of their night ashore, albeit a watered down version.

But Moseby still sought out Riley for a first hand description when they retired to their hammocks that evening. They were alone in the Middies Berth; Thockmorton was on first watch and Peter Crittenden was strangely absent. Riley didn't want to speculate about where he might be.

"So did you really do it Jonathan?" Pip asked, his eyes wide with curiosity. The squeaking sounds of their hammocks as they swayed filled the darkness.

"Yes, I did it, Pip."

With all the inquisitiveness of his fourteen years Moseby continued. "And was it good Jonathan? Was it?"

Riley weighed his answer for a moment and remembered what Archie had said long ago.

"It was good, Pip, but I think it would have been better with someone I cared for."

"I don't understand Jonathan, What do you mean?" Pip asked.

"Well, it felt good, in a purely physical way...but it didn't mean anything. Do you see?"

"No," Pip replied then asked eagerly, "Did you see her naked and did she touch your thing?"

Bloody hell...where was Lionel when you needed him. Riley tried again. "Do you ever read poetry Pip? Poetry about love?"

"No, but I did read Gulliver's Travels." Moseby replied enthusiastically.

Riley tried another tack. "Well...what's your favourite food?"

"Ohh...that's easy, bread and jam, I love bread and jam."

"Right, well, it's like being giving fruit cake when you would rather have bread and jam. You like fruit cake, it's sweet and it's tasty but it's not bread and jam."

"Hmm yes, I think I see. But if you ate enough fruit cake you wouldn't feel hungry any more so it wouldn't really matter would it?"

Riley rubbed his face and rolled over in his hammock. "Go to sleep Pip, you're too young to understand."

"Hmmph, that's what everyone says. I'm too young!" The young midshipman snuffled in the darkness bringing to mind Riley's own experiences at that age. He thought again about how Archie would comfort him at night in his hammock. Perhaps it hadn't been that uncomfortable for Archie after all. He thought of how they had lain side by side in the tiny hammock; Archie telling him bedtime stories as one would a child.

Was that it? Did Archie think of him as a child? Did Archie STILL think of him that way? Was that why he had turned to Peter Crittenden? That thought brought with it images of Archie and Crittenden alone even now in Archie's small cabin, locked together in a passionate embrace, their naked bodies glistening with sweat, their hands and mouths...

Riley rolled over in his hammock again with a slight groan. He thought about what he had done last night although he could not bring to mind the girl's face no matter how hard he tried. It was the feelings he concentrated on, the sensations that she had coaxed from his body with her hands and mouth. His own hands sought out his need and he gave in to his feelings, imagining Archie again, Archie's hands on him, Archie's mouth kissing him...

"Christ Jonathan, didn't you get enough of it last night?"

Peter Crittenden's voice brought Riley back to reality like a splash of cold water. He opened his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. Crittenden was undressing by his bunk, nothing more than a shadow laughing in the darkness.

"Obviously not Peter," Riley replied angrily not seeing the humour in his current predicament. He was tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes. The darkness gave him courage and he continued. "But then, perhaps I'm not the only one. Were you after a bit more too, just now Peter?" By the movement he knew that Crittenden had spun to face him, no doubt surprised by his unexpected retort.

"What is that supposed to imply, Jonathan?" Crittenden asked angrily.

Riley turned away onto his side trying to imagine Crittenden's face. Would he be worried or angry? He didn't answer, letting the tension build in the darkness.  

It was Moseby who finally broke the awkward silence; his small high voice squeaking out indignantly.

"I don't know what you two are so bloody angry about. I didn't get ANY at ALL!"    

Part 4

"YES!" The shout was loud enough to be heard all over the ship, Jonathan Riley concluded as he approached the Middies Berth hesitantly.

"Oh Archie, I knew you could do it!" That last remark was from Peter Crittenden; once again loud enough to be heard on deck.

"Well they sound extremely pleased about something," Lionel Thockmorton added helpfully as he pushed open the cabin door and entered without reservation. Jonathan followed along behind.

In the middle of the cabin stood Kennedy and Crittenden, arms around each other grinning wildly.

"So which one of you just inherited a title and a fortune?" Thockmorton asked. Riley suspected he was half serious.

"I passed the exam, Lionel." Archie said proudly as he let go his hold on Crittenden and straightened his blue jacket. "I'm finally a Lieutenant!"

Riley knew he should be pleased, but all he could think of was the fact that Archie would be leaving. However he joined Thockmorton in expressing his congratulations and shook Archie's hand. When Archie would have let go Riley held on a moment longer.

"I'll be sorry to see you go Archie," he said solemnly, squeezing Archie's hand slightly to try and make his point.

Archie smiled. "I've not yet been assigned to my new ship Jonathan, so I have a few more days." He squeezed Jonathan's hand in reply. "I'll miss you too." But then Archie raised his eyes and looked around the room, breaking the moment of intimacy. "I'll miss all of you. This ship has been my home and you are like my family."

A few more days, the words hung in the air like a dirge. A few more days and Archie would leave, maybe never to be seen again. A slow despair began creeping up his spine as Jonathan let the words sink in. There was still so much that he didn't understand, so much that he wanted to understand. I'll have to tell him before he goes, Riley thought in desperation. I'll have to tell him that I...ask him if he might... Vivid scenes flooded Riley's mind, scenes of himself and Archie saying their goodbyes. He was acutely aware of the hot blush that suddenly coloured his fair skin. It was not his only embarrassment.

"I've forgotten something on deck." Jonathan muttered hastily. "I have to go."

Once on deck, the gentle breeze brought a welcome relief and cooled Riley's fevered imagination, but did not lessen his desire to find time alone with Archie before his departure.

Was it wrong to want this so much, Riley wondered? Certainly the Articles of War were quite clear on the matter. But if it was wrong why did it bring such happiness to Archie and Peter? Perhaps there was more to it than what Beddows had described in lurid detail. Perhaps there were other things, other pleasures? But how was he to find out? How was he to approach Archie when he really had no idea of what he actually wanted? Well, that was only half true, for he knew he wanted to be alone with Archie, to share his company, to lay beside him again. Perhaps if he managed that then the rest would follow on quite naturally like it had with the girl. The greatest difficulty would be getting Archie alone where they would not be disturbed. As he stood gazing towards the town that lay basking in the summer sun, Riley began to make his plans. He was so deeply lost in thought that he didn't hear the quiet steps of the Captain until the older man cleared his throat. Riley snapped to attention.

"At ease, Mr Riley." Pellew began formally. He cleared his throat again before continuing. "I trust you had a pleasant...shore leave...this time Mr Riley?"

Riley blinked, surprised by the Captain's uncharacteristic interest. "Yes Sir." Riley replied with embarrassment, not meeting Pellew's eyes.

"I trust that it was...instructional?"

Surely the Captain didn't want to know about his brothel visit too. The blush Riley had tried so hard to banish resurfaced. "Yes, Sir, thank you sir."

Pellew fidgeted slightly and Riley belatedly realised that his Captain was not entirely at ease with the conversation either.

"As an old friend of your father's, Mr Riley, I want you to know that ... hmm .. should you ever need ... advice .. on ...anything, instructional or otherwise ... you may always come to me... hrmmph."

Riley stared at the dazzling water. What he MOST needed advice, how to seduce Archie Kennedy, was hardly something he could ask Captain Pellew. "Thank you Sir," he murmured.

But Pellew next words cut to Riley's heart. "Your father would be very proud of you Mr Riley!"

Riley closed his eyes in shame.  

Part 5

An opportunity presented itself a few hours before dawn the following morning. Jonathan awoke as Peter Crittenden was quietly dressing to take his place on the morning watch. That meant that Archie Kennedy would be just finishing the long hours of the middle watch and would most likely make his way to bed for a few hours of precious sleep.

Riley waited until he heard one bell sound then quietly slipped from his hammock and into his shirt and breeches. Silently he made his way through the sleeping ship until he stood nervously outside the door to Archie's small cabin. It took some moments for Archie to answer the hesitant knocks.

"Yes, come in." Archie's voice was heavy with sleep and Jonathan entered to find him sitting up in his cot, rubbing his eyes.

"What's wrong Jonathan?" Archie asked in alarm when he saw who was standing in his cabin.

Jonathan hesitated for a moment, allowing his eyes to slowly travel over the bare flesh of Archie's chest. He steeled his resolve and shut the door firmly.

"Nothing is wrong Archie. I just need to speak with you."

"Can't it wait a few hours Jonathan? I'm very tired." Archie rubbed his eyes again and pushed back his tousled hair.

Jonathan smiled and stepped closer. His eyes travelled down to the puddle of sheet in Archie's lap and he wondered his friend was wearing anything at all.

"It can't wait Archie, I need you!" Jonathan blurted out, moving even closer to the bed.

"Need me? For what? What has happened, Jonathan? You are not making any sense!"

"I need you Archie." Jonathan insisted, "I ...need...you!"

But Archie Kennedy sat blinking, confusion on his face, clearing not understanding Jonathan's request.

"I want you...want you to...you and me Archie." Jonathan tried again. He wished that he knew the right words for it, the words that would make his meaning clear. "I want to do with you, what you do with Peter!"

Those words registered! Registered with all the force of a broadside.

"Jonathan, you don't know what you are saying!" Rather than being pleased, Archie looked horrified.

"Yes I do Archie!" Riley moved closer until he was standing beside the bed. He leaned towards Archie reaching out, wanting nothing more than to touch the tempting array of skin. But before he could complete the gesture, Archie's hands came up to grip his shoulders roughly, holding him at arms length.

"Don't do this Jonathan." The words were low and desperate.

"But I want to Archie." Riley exclaimed as he struggled in the firm grasp. "Don't you like me Archie?"

"Of course I like you Jonathan. We are friends but that is all. You are too young to know what you are asking."

Archie's perception of him felt like a slap. "You think I'm still a child, don't you Archie?" Jonathan retorted, anger in his voice. "Well I'm not!" Jonathan drew back and Archie released his shoulders.

"I'm old enough to risk my life every time I climb into the rigging. I was old enough to kill a man by stabbing him through the chest with my cutlass the last time we fought. I was old enough to visit a brothel in Gibraltar and risk catching the pox. I certainly think I'm old enough for this Archie!"

A look of indecision appeared in Archie's eyes as the words registered. Before Archie could react, Jonathan leaned in quickly again, placing his hands on Archie's chest and pushing with all his weight. He had the advantage of speed and position. This time Archie was forced backwards onto the thin mattress. Quickly Jonathan swung one knee up and straddled Archie in a bizarre parody of a wrestling hold.

They struggled for a moment until Riley managed to lean in and kiss Archie. Their lips touched, briefly but firmly, before Archie turned his head away.

"For God's sake, Mr Riley, leave off. That's an order."

Riley sat back, shocked by the vehemence in Archie's voice. They stared at each other, chests heaving from their struggle, eyes locked. A sharp rapping on the door broke them apart.

"Is all well Mr Kennedy?" Lieutenant Overton's curt inquiry sent Jonathan scrambling backwards, almost slipping onto the floor. Archie leapt from the cot and scurried for his clothes with a muffled curse.

"For God's sake tidy yourself!" Archie hissed to Jonathan as he pulled on his breeches. He opened the door.

"Yes thank you Mr Overton. Mr Riley and I were just having a difference of opinion about a question that was on the Lieutenants exam that I sat."

Overton's steady gaze raked over the two men and their casual state of dress, then flicked to the rumpled cot behind them.

"Perhaps it would be better to discuss such things at a more reasonable hour Mr Kennedy?" He looked back at Riley. "If Mr Riley is so keen that he feels the need to study in the middle of the night I will see that Mr Bowles sets him extra work to keep him occupied. Off to your Berth, Mr Riley!"

"Yes sir and thank you Mr Kennedy, I am sorry I disturbed you." Riley fled the small room, his face the colour of fire.  

Part 6  

"Pip, go up on deck for a while. Jonathan and I need to sort something out." Peter Crittenden said fiercely as he strode into the Middies berth. He waited until the younger boy had left before fixing Riley with an angry look.

"Just what sort of a game do you think you are playing Jonathan?"

"How did you find out Peter?" Jonathan asked warily. Crittenden had only just finished his watch. "Did Archie tell you?"

"Of course he told me. He had to explain the reasons why I couldn't sit in his cabin for a quiet chat just now. It's all your fault!" Crittenden's voice accused. "Overton is watching him like a hawk!"

"A chat?" Riley asked, defensively. He suspected that what Peter had planned was probably far more damning. "Really Peter, you don't expect me to believe that do you? I'm not a fool you know."

"I think that may be a matter of opinion, Jonathan. From what Archie told me, your behaviour last night was certainly foolish." The words stung almost as much as Crittenden's piercing look. "What exactly did you have in mind Jonathan? What game were you playing at?"

"It's not a game! I'm not a child!" Riley spat back.

"Well then stop acting like one!" Crittenden retorted.

"You don't understand." Jonathan continued, walking across to confront Crittenden face to face. They were of the same height although Crittenden was almost four years older. Jonathan smiled when he realised that before long he would surpass the older man in height and strength. Already it showed in the breath of his shoulders and the strength of his forearm. That knowledge brought with it a false sense of superiority. Recklessly he continued. "Archie was my friend long before he ever looked at you. I want him and I know he wants me. You're just jealous, that's all."

"Why you little bastard. How dare you say such a thing. You have no idea what you are talking about." Crittenden clearly hadn't expected the reply.

"Oh yes I do. I can make him happy, I can give him whatever it is you give him...you'll see."

Crittenden snorted, his anger suddenly giving way to mirth. "Jonathan, you wouldn't know what to do with a prick if it wasn't your own. You're a little boy!" he taunted.

The punch surprised them both, Jonathan even more so than Peter. Something snapped inside Riley and before he even realised what had happened, his fist connected with Peter's forehead sending the older Middie stumbling backwards into the bulkhead. For a moment they stared at each other, shock on their faces as a slow trickle of blood seeped down from Peter's eyebrow. Then Crittenden sprang back, his own blow hitting Riley full in the mouth. Blood splattered everywhere.

They fell to the ground in a grapple of arms and legs, their blows now mostly ineffectual as they scrambled together, each trying to gain a better hold.

"What on earth are you doing?" The exclamation barely registered.

"On your feet, both of you. That's an order!"

Archie Kennedy gripped the two midshipmen by their jackets and hauled them apart. They stood panting, bruised and bleeding, eyes downcast.

"What are you both doing?" Archie asked again in disbelief.

"A small difference of opinion Archie," Crittenden said as he wiped the blood from the cut above his eye. "It's not important."

"Not important? Two midshipmen, brawling below decks is not important? I think you are mistaken Mr Crittenden!"

Archie stared at them both, such deep disappointment in his eyes, that Jonathan forgot the pain of his mouth and the blood dripping down his chin.

"I'm sorry...Sir" he stuttered out between his split lips.

"Both of you report to Mr Hepplewhite and when he has finished with you, you can spend the rest of the watch at the cross trees of the main and fore masts."

"Aye aye sir" They replied in unison.

"What seems to be the problem here Mr Kennedy?" Lieutenant Overton's voice made them all look towards the doorway. They had not heard his soft approach.

"There is no problem Sir, I have dealt with the breech of conduct and punishment has been given." Archie said formally.

Overton smiled but it was not a warming gesture. "I think you are too lenient with your punishment Mr Kennedy." From his words it was clear he had overheard everything. "When I was on the 'Valkyrie', midshipmen such as these would have been made to kiss the gunner's daughter. Twenty of the best! I would have administered them myself!" His pale eyes darted from Riley to Crittenden and back again, before settling once more on Archie. "But Captain Pellew doesn't hold with caning the Midshipmen and so we have incidents like this!"

Overton jerked his head towards the door. "Off to the cross trees with you, NOW and stay up there until I call you down."

"But sir, their injuries? Shouldn't they be treated first?" Archie asked defiantly.

"You do more harm than good if you mollycoddle them, Mr Kennedy. I know it is but days since you were one yourself, but THEY are midshipmen and YOU are an Officer. Try to remember it!"    

Part 7

Time passed slowly. For the first hour Jonathan sat brooding, his bloodied mouth painful. His anger towards Crittenden and Overton seethed as he saw them as the two men responsible for his current predicament. By the second hour his anger had cooled and he remembered the look of disappointment on Archie's face. What must Archie think of him? Jonathan slipped into a dark mood of self-recrimination and regret.

At four bells in the Forenoon Watch Jonathan saw Captain Pellew board his gig and go ashore. There were still two hours to go before noon. Already Riley could feel the sun burning his fair skin. A new concern began to worry at his mind. Earlier he had hoped that Captain Pellew, upon learning of their plight, might make a show of leniency and order them down before noon. But with the Captain's departure Riley bid farewell to his last chance of salvation. He wondered briefly if the Captain even knew that he and Crittenden were up there. Most probably he did not, as Captain Pellew was rarely a vicious man.

Riley looked behind to the Main Mast where Peter Crittenden was also perched on the small platform at the crosstrees. He too seemed to be watching the Captain's departing gig.

With a wince, Riley licked at his cut lips and buried his face into his sleeve in the hope of protecting it from the sun.

By noon, Riley's uniform was drenched in sweat and the top of his head felt like it was on fire. His mouth was dry. His broken lips had opened up again and were weeping watery blood. In a vain effort to keep cool, he tugged opened his blue jacket and loosened his shirt. For once he would have been glad of the silly hat he was required to wear, but hats were not worn when one went aloft. Surely they will call us down soon, he thought despairingly.

But the sun was low in the west before a gentle hand upon his sleeve roused him from his stupor.

"Come on Mr Riley, Sir. It's time to come down."

Riley blinked up at the seaman whose face swam before him, trying to connect face to a name. He failed.

"Are you all right Sir?" The voice was full of concern.

As he tried to move, Riley felt his head spin and he gripped the seaman's arm tightly. For a moment he wondered where he was and why his head ached so badly and his face hurt so much.

"Easy does it Sir, let me help you. We have a long climb." The seaman clasped a strong arm around Riley and slowly they began to descend.

It seemed to take forever, the climb having a dreamlike quality. When Riley finally stood upon the deck once more he thought he was still aloft and that the Captain and Archie Kennedy staring at him in grave concern were mere figments of his fevered imagination.

"Are you all right Mr Riley?" The Captain's voice broke through the haze surrounding him. Riley began to shiver uncontrollably.

"I'm so cold Sir," he stuttered out. As he spoke, his lips began to bleed again but when he tried to lick them to ease the pain he discovered that his mouth was too dry.

"Was this your order Mr Kennedy?" Pellew asked, unable to disguise his anger.

"No Sir, Mr Overton ordered the extended time aloft. He said I had been too lenient."

Riley swayed on his feet and someone slipped an arm around him again to stop him falling over.

"See that they are both taken to Mr Hepplewhite at once. Mr Riley appears to have a case of sunstroke."

Belatedly, Jonathan thought of Peter Crittenden and opened his stinging eyes to look around. Crittenden stood not far away, his face burnt, his lips cracked, his face expressionless.

"I'm sorry," was all Riley managed to whisper before loosing consciousness.    

Part 8

Jonathan Riley was drowning. He was cold and drowning and knew he would die soon. He struggled to get his head clear of the treacherous water. There was something he had to do before he died. Someone he had to speak to. "Archie!" he called frantically.

"Yer got to drink it Sir." A voice beside him insisted. "Yer all dried up and yer got to get some water into yer!"

A cool cloth was placed on his forehead and he commenced shivering again.

"Archie!" Jonathan called again, suddenly afraid. Was he dead already? Were they washing his body for burial?

"Shhh, now Sir. Yer all right. Drink up." More water sloshed into his mouth making him gag and choke. Riley lashed out with his arms and legs and suddenly realised he was naked and wrapped only in a light sheet. Was it his burial shroud?

He forced his eyes open and stared up at the startled face of a lob lolly boy who had moved back from his flailing limbs.

"Easy now Sir, go easy there. Yer all right."

Slowly reality surfaced again. The Indefatigable, he was in the infirmary of the ship after spending the day in the sun.

"Yes, I know," Riley murmured trying to marshal his thoughts and show the worried boy that he was once more in command of his senses.

Slowly a new sensation registered. The ship was under weigh once more!

"Oh," Jonathan groaned aloud as he realised what this would mean. Archie! Archie was gone!

Jonathan closed his eyes and sobbed, wanting to cry, but having no tears left. His eyes stung, his mouth ached, his head throbbed, and now, his heart felt like it was falling apart.

Archie was lost to him, lost aboard his new ship and Jonathan would never have the chance now to apologise for his foolishness. Forever Archie would remember him as a foolish boy and never know his true feelings.

"Come on Sir, have some water."

But Jonathan turned his face away. He might as well die.  

Part 9

It was as if he was caught in a strange half waking dream. Time seemed to slip and slide around him. Voices and faces came and went as he hovered in and out of consciousness, hot one moment, cold the next.

It was Archie's voice that he heard when he awoke clear headed for the first time.

"I am so sorry, I feel responsible for this."

Jonathan opened his eyes but the room was deep in darkness, no candle burning. Before he could reply, another voice answered the question.

"I'm all right Archie. Just a little sunburnt."

"Oh Peter, I was so worried about you up there. I simply didn't know what to do." A breathy sound filled the darkness with untold images. Jonathan held his breath.

"It was my own fault Archie" Peter Crittenden continued, his voice little more than a whisper. "I should have had more sense than to let bloody Jonathan goad me like that."

"He's just a boy Peter. He doesn't understand how dangerous things can be." Archie placated.

Crittenden's snort of contempt was quite audible. "He a bloody little fool, is what he IS Archie!"

"Peter don't be so hard on him. Surely you remember what it was like at that age, what you felt for Harry."

There was more rustling before Crittenden continued his voice now very gentle.

"Yes, I couldn't get enough of him. Was it the same for you?"

Jonathan stared into the darkness. Why was Archie still on board and what were he and Peter doing? Riley lay still, wishing he could turn his head, wanting to know more but suddenly afraid that they would stop talking and find him awake.

"Hmm not really. Anything physical was the last thing on my mind back then. But I was attracted to Horatio in a way I couldn't understand. I'd lay awake at night watching him sleep in his hammock beside me."

Horatio??? Mr Hornblower??? Perhaps I am still delirious, Jonathan wondered. Archie and Lieutenant Hornblower? Had he been blind to this as well? But perhaps Archie's affections been as one sided as Riley's own? He listened attentively to find out more.

"Ahh and therein lies the difference Archie." Crittenden continued, his voice once more serious. "We were all Middies back then and more often than not the Officers would turn a blind eye. You are a lieutenant now, with a position to maintain. Overton is going to be watching us all the more closely now, but especially he'll be watching you!

"We will have to be careful, Peter. Very careful." More of those breathing sound, which Riley decided must be the two men kissing. The thought made his heart race.

"Oh Archie, the risk is too great now. I won't let you jeopardise your Lieutenancy. It's taken you so long to achieve and I know how important it is to you." Peter's voice took on a sadder note. "It's not as if you really love me Archie. We're friends, close friends, but I won't let you risk your career for me."

"Peter.."

"No, listen to me Archie. You know I'm right. We will just have to wait until our next shore leave to....be together. Do you understand?"

"Peter you are far more practical, than I am! I should be the one saying this and yet all I can think about is the fact that I don't want to give you up."

"You won't be giving me up Arch, it will just mean waiting and it will make each shore leave all the more enjoyable."

They both laughed gently in the darkness, but Archie's tone grew serious once more.

"You're wrong about one thing, though Peter. I do love you."

"I know you do Archie and I love you too. But I also know that it's not the same...not the same as the way I loved Harry or you love Horatio."

"Peter.." Archie's voice was a desperate whisper.

"Shh now Arch, go on...it has to be this way. You know it."

There was an easing of timbers as Archie stood up.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Peter. Get some sleep."

"Yes, Goodnight Archie."

But Peter Crittenden lay awake for a long time after Archie Kennedy had left and Jonathan listened to the faint muffled sobs that did not stop until the older Middie had fallen into an exhausted sleep.          

Part 10.    

Peter Crittenden's bed in the infirmary was empty when Jonathan awoke the next morning. The surgeon's mate, who had come to bathe Riley's face in saltwater, answered his question.

"Mr Crittenden's back on duty. He's isn't half as bad as you are. You looked like a well cooked lobster when they brought you down. Your face is going to peel something terrible. You should see the blisters!" Riley hardly needed to be told. He could feel the tightness of the skin on his face every time he moved. His lips were crusted and repeatedly split when he tried to drink.

"When can I go back to duty?" Riley asked half-heartedly.

"Not until Dr Hepplewhite gives the order."

Jonathan idled away the morning deep in thought. He knew he would have to face Archie soon and wondered what he should say. Briefly he wondered why Archie hadn't been to see him, but decided that would hardly be advisable. Besides, Archie had duties to perform.

He thought long and hard about what Peter had sacrificed last night. It made Jonathan's own foolish actions seem even more childish. How could he have thrown himself at Archie like that? What must he have thought? He shivered as he suddenly recalled what Archie had experienced in the past. Dear God, how could he have been so thoughtless!

Thoughtless, or thinking of himself? All along he had only considered his OWN wants, never Archie's. I AM a child, Jonathan decided; children think only of themselves. Again he thought of Peter Crittenden's actions last night. Perhaps that's what I need to do too? If I love Archie then I should let him go.

Love. The word seemed to revibrate in the air around him. Love.

Was that what he felt for Archie? Until now he hadn't put a name the feeling. He wanted Archie; he certainly cared for him. But was that love?

Jonathan thought again about what he had overheard last night. He thought again of Peter's sacrifice; that he would put Archie's well being ahead of his own wants. Perhaps that was what love was all about, putting the other person first?

If so, then Jonathan had fallen far short of the mark. It was a sobering realisation.

But perhaps all was not lost. By some twist of providence Archie was still on board and there was a chance that somehow Jonathan could put everything to rights.

If only I had a friend to talk to, Jonathan thought to himself sadly.      

At the start of the Afternoon watch, Lionel Thockmorton poked his head into the infirmary.

"My goodness young Jonathan, you look a little the worse for wear!"

"Oh Lionel" Jonathan sighed, grateful to see a friendly face.

"Had a bit of a spat with Peter, did you?" Lionel asked gently.

Jonathan dropped his head. "Something like that. I did something very stupid. Several things to be precise."

Lionel perched his lankly frame on the end of the cot and nodded. "We all do such things from time to time Jonathan. It's a part of growing up."

"Lionel, why is Mr Kennedy still on board?" The question had been puzzling Jonathan all morning.

"Ah, he's been assigned to the Indy." Lionel began knowingly. He leaned forward and whispered, "Rumour has it that the Captain asked for him personally."

"At least I'll have a chance to apologise to him then. I was so worried he'd leave before I could say anything." Jonathan hesitated a moment, silently weighing up the man in front of him. He was desperate for someone to talk to, someone to confide in. He felt very much alone.

"Lionel, what do you know about men?"

Thockmorton raised his eyebrows. "Men?"

"Yes Men. Men who...who..like... who prefer..." Jonathan stumbled over the words, trying to explain.

"Men who prefer the 'Windward Passage'?" Lionel asked, one eyebrow raised.

The term took Jonathan by surprise, but he knew what Lionel meant.

"Yes," he replied softly.

"Errr..well...I've heard it's all to do with breaching one another's fundament ... at least that's what I've been told!" Lionel blushed and began dusting at something imaginary on his coat sleeve.

"Oh yes, I've heard about that part" Jonathan pressed on. Having come this far he wasn't prepared to back down now. "I wondered if there was more?"

"More? Good gracious..I...er.." Thockmorton resembled a landed fish as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words.

Jonathan smiled, it was not often that Lionel was left speechless. He tired another tack.

"Have you ever met anyone like that Lionel?"

Thockmorton was silent for a moment. "On my last ship, the Neptune, a first rate ship of the line," Lionel injected proudly, "there was a Lieutenant. An average sort of man, quiet, polite, never unfair in his dealings with the ratings, nor was he overly severe in his treatment of the Midshipmen. He never punished our ignorance. Rather, he would make sure we KNEW how to do something before he gave an order. Not all of the Lieutenants were as considerate.

"I respected him and when I could I would seek him out to ask him about navigation or seamanship. He was always obliging and took the time to answer my questions.

"Eventually we were assigned to a prize ship together. One night we were dining in his cabin as was the custom, we being the only Officers aboard. We'd been drinking a little too much I think, and I was talking about women saying something foolish about how much I missed their touch.

"Well of a sudden, he looked at me, straight into my eyes, and offered...offered to..well he offered to see to my needs.

"I was shocked speechless. He saw at once that he had been mistaken and we both started babbling. I apologised for giving him the wrong impression, he apologised for being forward. But the damage was done.

"I left quickly, but what dismayed me most was the real fear I saw in his eyes. He was afraid of me! Afraid I would tell someone or speak of what had happened. We rarely spoke to each other after that night. He avoided me, never looked me in the eye again."

Lionel's face showed deep remorse. "He was a good Officer and a kind man, but he lived in fear."

"Oh Lionel," Jonathan said sympathetically.

Thockmorton straightened, shaking off his glum mood. "Of course I have heard tales of other men. Those who were not so kind or who used their authority to force or coerce.." Lionel stopped suddenly, his eyes concerned.

"Jonathan," he began softly, "Your argument with Peter wasn't because he.."

"Oh no! Nothing like that Lionel." Jonathan hastened to confirm.

Thockmorton looked relieved. "Well it will all blow over Jonathan. These things always do."

"I doubt he will ever speak to me again," Jonathan said glumly.

"Who Peter? Of course he will!"

"NO, Archie! Mr Kennedy! I think I may have got him into trouble with Mr Overton and I've already caused enough trouble between him and Peter."

"Mr Overton and Peter?" Thockmorton asked, trying to keep up.

"No Peter and Archie...you see I went to Archie's quarters the other night."

"You did?" Lionel prompted, his eyes growing as big as saucers.

"Yes, and I told him... told him that I...wanted him!"

"YOU WANTED HIM?" Lionel clapped his hand across his mouth when he realised he had shouted.

"Yes," Jonathan admitted, "And he didn't take it very well."

Eyes rolling, head shaking, Lionel Thockmorton suddenly looked like a sea lion doing a mating dance. "Im not surprised! Where on earth did you get the idea that Archie ...er...Mr Kennedy was ..er...that way inclined?"

Before Jonathan could reply, Lionel stood and started pacing. "Really Jonathan" he lectured, "You should have known better. I mean after his marathon effort in Gibraltar, it's very obvious that our Mr Kennedy is a first class rake!"

Jonathan shook his head and tried not to laugh.

"Oh Lionel, he spent the night with Peter!"

"What?" Thockmorton stopped his pacing and stared.

"They are lovers, Lionel. They..."

"My God!" Lionel sat down heavily on the end of the cot again. "I wonder if Harry ever realised when he was alive?" he asked shaking his head again.

"Harry was a part of it Lionel." Jonathan said hesitantly. Belatedly he wondered if perhaps he had said too much. This wasn't going the way he had envisaged.

"You mean the three of them?" Lionel asked in horror. "At the same time? My god!"

"No Lionel, you have it all wrong." Jonathan put his head in his hands and softly commenced to cry. "O Lionel, I love him, I want him and I don't know what to do."

"Here now Jonathan, no need for tears." Lionel patted the shaking shoulder. Gone were all signs of shock at the revelation, replaced by gentle caring. "We'll work something out."

"But Archie thinks I'm a child. He'll never look at me now."

"Do not despair, young Jonathan!" Lionel said brightly. "Help is at hand! I have personally wooed many a young woman and am only too happy to pass along some of the finer points to you!"

Jonathan wiped the tears from his sore eyes. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the eager look on Thockmorton's face.

"Thank you Lionel, you're a good friend. Do you really mean it?"

"Of course I do!" Thockmorton declared and as if to prove his support he immediately started making plans. "The first thing you need to do is catch his eye!"

"How?" Jonathan asked eagerly.

"Well, if I was trying to catch a woman's eye I would act very gallant, compliment her gown and maybe quote a little poetry." Jonathan frowned doubtfully. None of those options seemed quite appropriate for Archie.

"However," Thockmorton continued, his brow furrowed in concentration, "Archie is not a woman.." He rubbed his brow for a moment. "If a woman wanted to catch MY attention, she would wear a low cut gown to show off her...er...neck and flutter her eyes at me."

"You think I should wear a dress?" Jonathan asked more than a little shocked by the suggestion.

"No NO.." Lionel continued impatiently, "I am merely trying to point out that men are visual creature. We LOOK!"

Jonathan nodded, happy to rely on Lionel's wealth of experience. "So what will Archie be looking at?" he asked hopefully.

"Ahem," Lionel began a little uncomfortably. "As I am not in the habit of looking at men, I was hoping you would know! What do you look at in men?"

Jonathan blushed. He'd never really thought about it before. "Er well, I haven't really looked at many." He imagined Archie and tried to work out what he liked about him. "Archie has lovely shoulders, broad and strong." He remembered what he had seen in Archie quarters two nights ago. "His chest is very smooth, I wanted to touch that. And when he leapt out of bed to pull his breeches on I got a quick look at his.."

"I think I am getting the picture thank you Jonathan." Lionel interrupted. "You like to look at his body," He tugged at the collar of his shirt as if it had suddenly become uncomfortable. "Particularly when it is, ahem, unclothed."

"Oh yes!" Jonathan hastily confirmed.

"Well we are heading back to the Atlantic, the weather will stay warm and I dare say the Captain will allow a bit of swimming from time to time." Lionel raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, hoping Jonathan would follow through with the train of thought.

"But I can't swim!" Jonathan said sadly.

"Well learn Jonathan! Or else try drowning and hope that Archie might dive in and save you."

"Maybe I could drown whilst wearing a dress? Do you think that might work?"

"Only if it's an off the shoulder gown, Jonathan. Be daring!"

They both dissolved into splutters of laughter, until Jonathan wiped his eyes and licked at his swollen lips.

"But then when I get him I STILL won't know what to do, Lionel"

"Ahh! That was where all those questions were leading to, was it? What to DO? What ELSE to do?"

Jonathan nodded and dropped his eyes again.

Lionel cleared his throat. "I had a woman in Venice once. I was on leave with my father and my older brother, The Viscount. We visited this rather spectacular brothel and the woman there used her..." Lionel blinked a moment. "She used her mouth!"

"Her mouth?" Jonathan asked "How?"

Lionel blushed, "On me, er on my, that is to say she used it on my..er.." He waved his hand around in the vicinity of his lap.

"Oh on that? Really? What did she do?"

"Gracious Jonathan, I am NOT going to show you! Enough to say she made me feel like a luscious piece of fruit, a ripe juicy orange." Lionel squirmed at the memories.

"And you think men could do that with each other?" Jonathan asked, hoping he had understood the story correctly.

"Well yes, I don't see why not?" Lionel tugged at his collar again.

"But does it have to be an orange Lionel? I would have thought a banana would be closer to..."

"I think that would depend on the man, young Jonathan!" Lionel said with a wink.

They both burst into peels of laughter again which Jonathan was sure must have been heard throughout the ship. As the hilarity died away, Jonathan sat up, all trace of mirth gone from his face.

"But seriously Lionel, Archie thinks I am a child! What should I do?"

Lionel levelled his gaze and answered quietly. "Show him you are a man Jonathan. Show him that you are serious about your career. Concentrate on doing your duty, and then do a little more. There is always someone around who would be happy for some help and in return you may learn something useful. Talk to the mates, the bosun's mate, the gunner's mate, the master's mate. They are a wealth of information Jonathan." Lionel cocked his head and leaned closer. "If you ever repeat this to anyone, young Jonathan, I will completely disavow it, but I do not intend to fail the Lieutenants exam! Nor do I intend to rely on patronage from my father's friends. Beneath this flippant exterior is a dedicated Officer Jonathan, and I want to do the best I can in the service of my King and country! I spend my time in conversation, but I learn a lot whilst I am doing so. You can do the same Jonathan!"

"Thank you Lionel. You are a good friend."

"Any time young Jonathan. Oh and one more thing. I'd wait a few weeks before you try to catch Archie's eye." He grimaced. "Your face looks truly frightful."  

Part 11

Despite suffering from painful weeping blisters on his face, Jonathan Riley was discharged the following morning. When he entered the Middie's berth Jonathan was confronted by a strange boy; a new midshipman of about 13. The boy stared at him, his mouth open, then fled the small cabin, clearly afraid.

"That's just Witherspoon," Lionel explained later when he sauntered in. "Pip's been telling him tales of your fight with Peter. It didn't help matters when Peter growled at the lad last night when he spilt his grog everywhere. Poor boy probably thinks you are both young hellions."

Jonathan smiled. It seemed like only yesterday that he had been in the same position as Witherspoon and Archie Kennedy had befriended him. That thought brought back the shame of his earlier actions.

There was one thing he would have to do, Jonathan told himself as he straightened his uniform. One thing he couldn't put off, no matter how painful it was. Riley made his way to the quarterdeck and was quietly thankful when he found Archie Kennedy alone. Had the captain been on deck, Jonathan knew his courage would have faltered. He walked briskly from the top of the companion way and stood to attention.

Archie had been staring out to sea at the taffrail but turned when he heard the quiet footsteps.

"Yes Mr Riley?" Archie inquired, face neutral.

"Sir I have come to apologise for my conduct of late and to let you know that it will not happen again."

Archie licked his lips as he carefully chose his words. "Very well, Mr Riley, all is forgiven and forgotten."

"Thank you Sir." Jonathan replied formally and waited for dismissal, but Archie remained silent, studying the young midshipman.

"How are you now Jonathan? You were quite ill. I came to see you several times but you were delirious." Gone was the official tone, replaced by the gentle voice Jonathan had grown to love.

"I'm fine Sir," Jonathan replied, too ashamed to meet the blue eyes. "Thank you for your concern."

"Jonathan I..." Archie began, his voice very quiet. "I do not think it would be wise for us to.."

"I understand, Mr Kennedy." Jonathan interrupted, hoping to spare them both any further discomfort.

"It's for the best Jonathan," Archie turned away and stared at the water again. "I AM sorry. Dismissed."

For the best! The words kept repeating themselves in Jonathan's head as he suffered through his watch that afternoon. But he knew Archie was right. It was best to put some distance between them for a while until things died down and they both had time to think. If he could show Archie that he had self-discipline and maturity, perhaps Archie would look at him differently.

That evening at supper Riley came face to face with Peter Crittenden in the Middies berth. They stared at each other long and silent, until even Moseby and Witherspoon became aware of the uneasiness and ceased their chattering. Everyone in the room held their breath, waiting for someone to break the stalemate.

Jonathan weighed his next move before speaking. "I'm sorry Peter. I owe you an apology." Jonathan managed to get out although they were the last words he wanted to say. He still saw Crittenden as his rival, but if he was to convince anyone that he was no longer a child, he might as well start with Peter Crittenden.

"Apology accepted Jonathan. Perhaps we can forget the whole thing ever happened."

The words made Jonathan bristle. Was Crittenden implying he should forget about his attraction to Archie?" Jonathan took a mouthful of his grog and swallowed it slowly.

"Yes, perhaps both of us should forget about it."

Something flashed in Crittenden's green eyes, but before either young man could speak again Lionel Thockmorton commenced one of his infamous tales. This one was about a one armed whore he had met in Cape Town who could open the buttons on a man's breeches with just her teeth.    

Part 12

When had he become so immune to bloodshed? Jonathan watched dispassionately as the mangled remains of the gunner were pulled out of the way and thrown overboard. "Get some more sand on the deck here!" he ordered, as he picked up the spike that the dead man had held and pushed it down the touch hole of the cannon to break the powder bag. Jonathan worked without thinking. In the last two months he had learned much about ordinances and gunnery. He was able to step in without hesitation and take the place of the dead man in the gun crew so that when the order came to fire, the great gun sounded in unison with it's companions.

Further down the deck, Charlie Witherspoon was sobbing by the foremast. "Come on Mr Witherspoon, look to your men." Jonathan called, trying to steady the boy. "The next one will be chain shot, I think. Be ready!"

Jonathan was right. Archie Kennedy, stationed on the main deck, relayed the order and the gun crews went into action once again, loading with chain shot this time as the Indy moved closer to her quarry.

The wounded ship hove into sight through the smoke. An American barque, colours still proudly flying though her sails were ragged. Her main topmast broke under the impact of the chain shot, bringing down the main spar and much of the rigging. The barque slowed and the Indy closed in.

"Prepare to board Mr Riley!" Archie Kennedy shouted as he buckled on a cutlass and checked his pistol. "Mr Witherspoon, you shall remain here with the men of your division to take care of any borders who manage to get past us." Archie looked at Witherspoon's terrified face and then at the men around him. "Matthews will assist you," he said nodding to the old rating who tugged at his forelock in acknowledgment of the order. "Now to your places everyone. The Captain will be watching."

Men rushed to the bulwarks, armed with boarding pikes and axes as the two ships came together. The results of the cannon barrage were clearly visible on the enemy deck. Men lay wounded and dying amid the tangled rigging. Cannons were overturned and a small fire was smouldering but still the Americans fought on.

Brave men, thought Jonathan as he followed Archie and the boarding party into the madness on the enemy deck. Brave men who refused to surrender even in the face of a greater force. They met the foe in a clash of steel on steel. There was little room to move, little time to think, as they hacked and slashed their way towards the quarterdeck. They climbed over wreckage and bodies alike, the smell of blood and gunpowder heavy in the air. On the quarterdeck, the American Captain was still giving orders to his men. He raised his weapon, a large gleaming cutlass and led his remaining Officers to meet the boarders.

"They won't surrender," Jonathan gasped between hard won breaths as he watched the American Captain join the fray, inspiring his men in the face of defeat. They fought like mad men, without thought or care. The crew of the Indy fell back momentarily until Archie rallied them again and pressed on towards the American Captain. Jonathan followed.

He too was caught up in the madness now, his blood singing to a primitive beat, a song of violence as old as man himself. Dirk in one hand, cutlass in the other, Jonathan followed at Archie's shoulder, oblivious to the blood covering his hands and clothes or the fallen bodies beneath his feet. There was a thrill in fighting beside Archie like this, a feeling close to arousal. Somehow they were joined by the blood and the carnage, made one by the killing. Jonathan glanced at Archie, his face aglow with perspiration. Briefly their eyes met and Jonathan discovered that Archie's glowed with the same lust that shone from his own. Jonathan grinned and Archie's answering smile was almost feral.

I would die happy if I could die beside him now, Jonathan though as he ran another man through with his cutlass. There would be an ecstasy in that, a glory higher than any other, to die side by side, his blood mingling with Archie's. United in death as they never could be in life.

Suddenly Archie stood face to face with the American Captain, sparks flying as their swords met. "Surrender Sir, your men die needlessly." Archie pleaded, but his words fell on deaf ears.

Jonathan watched as the American brought up his cutlass once more to slash at Archie. He watched as Archie staggered to fend off the blow, his feet slipping in the blood on the deck. Watched as the American smiled cruelly and raised his sword for the killing blow. But he gasped suddenly, blood spluttering from his mouth and fell down dead; Jonathan's dirk protruding from his chest.

The fight was over.    

Part 13  

It was a prize worth taking. The American barque, the Mistral, held a hidden cargo. Her holds were brimming with casks of fine French brandy that would be worth much in prize money, but her true worth was in the packet of letters from Napoleon to certain American privateers. These would be of great interest to the Admiralty.

There was cheering on the deck that afternoon when Captain Pellew made his announcement to the crew.

"We shall set sail at once for Gibraltar. I shall assign a prize crew to the Mistral and they shall follow in due course when repairs have been completed." Pellew raked his gaze over the men assembled before him.

"Mr Kennedy, as you were instrumental in taking the ship, I will give command to you." Pellew paused again and Jonathan held his breath, hoping, praying that he too would be included in the crew. Pellew eyes finally came to rest on him as if reading his thoughts.

"Mr Riley, you will go with Lieutenant Kennedy. I think the experience may prove valuable for you."

"Thank you Sir." Jonathan murmured, unable to believe his luck.

"Mr Crittenden, I'm assigning you Acting Lieutenant in Mr Kennedy's absence. You'll be sitting your Lieutenants exams soon and I think you too will benefit from the change."

Jonathan caught Peter's glare and quickly looked away. Nothing was going to spoil the moment for him.

"This might be the chance you've been waiting for Jonathan." Lionel Thockmorton whispered in his ear when they were dismissed. Jonathan grinned.

There were major repairs to be carried out on the Mistral before she would be fit to once again sail. Jonathan watched the Indy pull away as he helped replace the main topmast. The Mistral had not been carrying much in the way of spare spars and rigging so supplies had been sent over from the Indy before she left. A small but able crew worked until dark but still the repairs were incomplete.

They ate in Archie's cabin that night, a cold meal of biscuits and cheese. The galley fires had not yet been lit as all hands were busy with the repairs. Strong black coffee would have done much to improve Jonathan's weary state, but all that was to offer was ship's grog, a little stronger than what was usually served up to the midshipmen. The lack of a filling meal and his tiredness only added to the effects of the alcohol. Jonathan soon found he was fighting to keep his eyes open and his head spun in pleasant circles as he gazed across the table at Archie.

Archie seemed lost in his own thoughts. His head resting on his hand as he stared at the single candle that stood on the small table. Although it had belonged to the American Captain, the cabin was by no means luxurious. It held the table where they sat which doubled as a desk, a few chairs, a closet and a narrow bed built into one wall. A row of casement windows adorned the stern, which would give a lovely view of the horizon during the day but now only showed the blackness beyond. It was a small cabin, a fact that only added to the sense of intimacy.

"You saved my life today Jonathan. That's the second time now, you know." Archie had raised his pale blue eyes from the candle and was now looking intently at Jonathan.

"Well I couldn't let you die Archie," Not without kissing you at least once, Jonathan almost added. But he retained enough presence of mind to know that such a comment may not be appreciated.

"Do you remember the last time? It was the day that Harry Stratford died. So much happened that day!"

Archie was too serious tonight, too sombre. Perhaps it was the after effects of the battle. His pale blue eyes studied Jonathan's face as if seeing it for the first time; searching, seeking something although Jonathan did not know what. "Are you all right Archie?" he asked gently.

There was a long sigh. "Yes, it's just the battle today, the fight. When you come close to death, when you see it all around you, it makes you examine your own life." He paused, "At least it does with me. I feel as if I have been given a second chance to set things to rights."

Archie looked at Jonathan, as if waiting for an answer. Was he expecting confirmation or an explanation of Jonathan's own feelings? And who was he really thinking about when he spoke of setting things to rights? Was it Jonathan or was it perhaps Peter Crittenden? Jonathan shied away from that line of thinking as he examined his own feelings that suddenly were all in confusion.

"I really don't know what I feel at the moment Archie." Jonathan tried to explain. "During the battle I mostly felt a strange numbness, like everything was unreal. When I killed the Captain I felt nothing at all except elation; no remorse, no sorrow. Is that wrong?"

Archie shrugged his shoulders and went back to staring at the candle. "Who can say Jonathan? I know of other men who feel like that. Perhaps it is the better way."  

It would be so easy now to reach across the small table and take Archie's hand. To offer the comfort that Archie seemed to need at this moment, but something held Jonathan back. They were both tired and more than a little drunk. Jonathan could see it in the stoop of Archie's shoulders, the glazed look in his eyes. Now was not the time for seduction. Anything they did tonight would probably be regretted by morning.

And perhaps Archie was pining for Peter, regretting what he had let go and Jonathan was simply a reminder of how it had all happened. If that was the case then any attempts at comfort would be angrily refused.

"I think I'll turn in Archie," Jonathan said, as he stood up from the table, surprised by his own rationality. Perhaps he wasn't as drunk as he thought. Perhaps he was simply exhausted.

Archie rubbed his eyes and looked. "You did well today Jonathan, very well. And thank you."  

Jonathan made his way to his own cabin. It was a novelty having one all to himself. It was small with just enough room for his trunk and a place to sling his hammock. Despite being tired, it took him some time to fall asleep. Jonathan was used to sleeping in the crowded Middy's berth, where lack of privacy was the order of the day. There was always some little noise, a snore, a muffled moan, a murmur that let you know you were not alone. Now the silent darkness only added to a growing sense of loneliness.

He wondered if Archie was having trouble sleeping; if he too was kept awake by thoughts and visions. Perhaps he should have stayed and damned the consequences. But there would be time for that in the days ahead. Time when they were not so tired or strung out from the after effects of a day spent at war. Time when they could come together in joy rather than sorrow. Jonathan closed his eyes and imagined lying in the captain's bed...watching the sunset through the casement windows....drinking that fine French brandy...Captain Archie by his side naked and...  

Part 14

The new sails were rigged and the Mistral was under way by noon the next day. But as Jonathan helped Archie take the noon sightings it was obvious that they would not be in for smooth sailing. To the south thunder heads were building and a strong wind was already scudding the clouds northward.

"We'd best shorten sail." Archie murmured more to himself than those around him.

"I think you'd be right, Sir," Kerrison the master's mate agreed. Kerrison had been assigned as acting Sailing Master and was expected to assist Archie with the sailing of the vessel. Both men were young and still feeling their way with the new responsibilities.

"Call all hands please Mr Riley." Archie ordered and Jonathan set about the task.

They reefed the sails twice more before sunset. By then heavy rain was lashing the deck and the mistral was forced to run before the strong gale that blew out of the south.

Another cold supper was served. Jonathan and Archie ate silently together once more. Archie's thoughts were clearly with Kerrison who was currently standing watch. His eyes would drift upwards each time thunder sounded or the ship lurched more violently than before.

"You'd best try to get some sleep, Jonathan. I fear we are in for a rough night." Archie stood and reached for his soggy tarpaulin.

"What about you Archie? You need to rest too."

"I will Jonathan," Archie smiled, "But I'll just check that all is secure on deck before I turn in. I am sure the wind has come about a point."

Once in his cabin, Jonathan took off his coat and shoes then climbed into his hammock. It was pointless undressing for he suspected he would be required on deck again before too long if the storm worsened. He pulled the blanket over him, closed his eyes and drifted into a light sleep, subconsciously listening for the call 'All Hands'.

It was not a voice that woke him, but sharp pain as his shoulder hit the deck. For a moment he lay there, dazed and tangled in his hammock as water poured down on him. But the groaning and slide of timber close to his head brought him to his senses. A large beam of timber had crashed through the deck above, down into his cabin. Rainwater and seawater were pouring in through the whole above. He was lucky to be alive.

Voices were calling now, "All Hands on deck". The ship was listing badly. Jonathan scrambled to his feet in the darkness and fumbled around for his blue coat and shoes.

On deck every man was at hard at work in the driving wind and rain. As thunder continued to crash overhead, Jonathan surveyed the damage. The new main topmast that they had spent so long repairing had snapped, bringing down the main yard. It was this that had pierced the deck and brought down his hammock. The broken mast and much of it's rigging and canvas was hanging overboard, dragging dangerously, pulling the Mistral sideways and threatening to capsize her as she struggled before the elements.

Valiantly the crew set about freeing the mast as the wind and rain tormented them. Waves crashed over the decks, washing men against the bulwarks. There was no chance of salvaging the mast and canvas in such conditions. Their only hope was to cut them free with axes before the ship floundered.

Archie was on the main deck, clad in his dark tarpaulin, wet hair plastered to his head, directing the operation. He looked up as Jonathan approached.

"Mr Riley, just in time," he shouted against the wind and rain. "I need you to take some men up the foremast and secure those reefs on the top sail. If they come loose I fear we will lose another mast.

Jonathan moved his shoulder tentatively. There was no pain, if anything it felt numb. He reached up to grab at a swing rope above his head and again felt no pain.

"Aye aye Sir," he shouted back. Perhaps there had been no real damage done to the shoulder, he decided as he gather together the most experienced topmen and led them up the ratlines.

It was like climbing into hell! The wind howled around him as he climbed higher. The rain lashed at him like a thousand needle points, icy and deadly. Below the sea surged like a hungry beast waiting to swallow him.

When they reached the top, his hands were almost numb from the cold. Jonathan stayed at the crosstrees knowing it was best to let the experienced crew do what they did best. He directed them out along the footropes of the yard and watched as they caught and secured the reef points once more.

"Lay in from the yard," he called at last thankful the task was complete and no one had been lost. By the time he reached the deck once more, the first twinges of pain were making themselves known in his shoulder.

"There is nothing more you can do here for now Jonathan, the rest will have to wait until we have light. I've sent Kerrison below to get some rest. I'll take the watch."

"Do you want me to stay too Archie?" Jonathan asked forgetting all formality in his weariness.

"No, you look quite pale. You must be exhausted. Get some rest."

"I can't, my cabin has been wrecked." He pointed to the spar which was still protruding from the deck although it had been covered with canvas sheeting to stop water coming in.

"What?" Archie almost shouted. "Dear God! Was that your cabin below there?" Archie wiped the rain from his face, his eyes suddenly full of concern. "Jonathan, you could have been killed. Are you hurt?" he asked gently.

"I'm all right Archie, just wet and tried and a little bit bruised."

"Oh Jonathan," Archie replied, as if he doubted Jonathan was telling him the truth. "Go and rest. Get someone to hang a hammock in my cabin. You can sleep there for the moment."

Jonathan saw to the arrangements then stopped by his old cabin in the hope of finding some dry clothes. Even the thought of sleeping in Archie's cabin did little to lift his spirits as he worried about the storm that raged outside. He fumbled through the wreckage only to find that the lid of his sea chest had been smashed by the falling beams. His possessions were a soggy mess. He extracted what he could and took them back to Archie's cabin. Perhaps they would dry before he had to wear them.

A hammock had already been hung and Archie said a silent prayer of thanks. His shoulder was aching miserably now and as he peeled off his wet clothes he was shocked to see dark purple bruising covering his fair skin. He moved his shoulder again, relieved to find that although movement was painful now, there was nothing grating. He grabbed a blanket from Archie's bed and rolled naked into the hammock. He would worry about clothes tomorrow.  

Part 15

"Jonathan, wake up. It's your watch."

Jonathan opened his tired eyes and blinked in the candle light. It was still dark but the faint grey light from the casements told him that dawn was not far off. The pitching of the cabin suggested they were still running before the wind but it was not as pronounced as last night. Perhaps the storm was abating.

"Yes Archie," he mumbled sleepily and wrapped the blanket tightly around himself. Sharp pain flashed in his shoulder as he swung out of the hammock with a groan and landed unsteadily on the deck.

"What's wrong Jonathan? Are you all right?" Archie looked across from where he was hanging his wet tarpaulin on a hook.

"It's just my shoulder Archie. I hurt it last night in my cabin."

Archie picked up the candle and crossed the floor. "Show me," he said in a voice that allowed no refusal.

Jonathan let the blanket slip from his shoulder to reveal the mottled bruises, darker and more numerous now than they had been last night.

"Jonathan! Why didn't you tell me! You should not have gone up into the rigging last night with your shoulder like that. You could have fallen and broken your neck!"

Jonathan dropped his eyes under the harsh chastisement. "I'm sorry Archie," he began meekly. "It didn't feel this bad last night otherwise I would have told you. Besides, you needed me to go up there. You could hardly expect the crew to climb in dangerous conditions like that without someone leading the way."

Archie considered that for a moment. "I could have sent Kerrison, he's a home in the tops."

Jonathan gave a little laugh. "And left me in charge of the quarter deck, trying to keep on course? Really Archie, I think Mr Kerrison is the best man for THAT job. I know my limitations Archie. You don't have to worry."

"The American surgeon is still on board. Perhaps you should get him to have a look at it." Archie suggested. Most of the American prisoners had been transferred to the Indy where they could be kept under close guard, but a small number had been secured in the Mistral's hold.

"Archie I rather fancy the man would prefer cut my throat than anything else. It's really not that bad."

"Then tell me if this hurts," Archie said as he gently ran his hands over the bruised skin. He felt along the collarbone, down the muscles of Jonathan's neck, into the joints of the shoulder itself before finally coming to rest in the swell of muscle in Jonathan's arm for a moment.

Jonathan shivered, but not from pain. "It hurts a little Archie, but I am sure nothing is broken. See, I can move it." He loosened the blanket even more to pull his arm clear. Gingerly he raised it above his head. "See!" He continued moving it this way and that, finally rotating his shoulder to show all was well."

Archie rubbed at his eyes, a gesture that highlighted how tired he must be. "Perhaps you should rest. I'll stand watch a little longer until Kerrison is awake again."

"No Archie," Jonathan protested. "It's my turn and I'm fine. You're the one who needs sleep." The candle light accentuated the dark smudges under Archie's eyes. "You look like you can hardly stand up Archie. You can't command this ship if you are exhausted!"

Surprisingly Archie nodded "You're right for once Jonathan," he said with a wry smile. "I am very tired." He stretched and begun unbuttoning his blue jacket.

Jonathan reached for his still damp clothes and discretely turned his back before dropping the blanket. He wondered if Archie was watching him, if Archie was undressing too. Perhaps this wasn't exactly what Lionel had in mind but Jonathan decided to make the most of the opportunity.

"You know Archie," he began as he turned back.

Archie Kennedy was sprawled on the narrow bed, still dressed in his shirt and breeches. He was fast asleep.      

Part 16  

Once again they jury rigged the mainmast using the last of the spars that had been brought over from the Indy. Archie and Kerrison spent the morning studying charts. Upon taking the noon sightings they were both fairly confident once again of their position. But the storm had blown them considerably off course and they would arrive in Gibraltar much later than expected.

Jonathan wondered if the Indy had also been caught by the storm? She'd had a days head start on them but even so might now be drifting anywhere in the huge ocean.

The carpenter patched up the deck above Jonathan's cabin and Jonathan prepared to move himself back to his lonely quarters. But an unexpected problem arose.

"I'm sorry Jonathan, but you will have to stay in my cabin for the time being." Archie declared that afternoon as they stood together on the quarterdeck. Jonathan looked up, surprised, wondering what Archie had in mind.

"I've had to move the prisoners up from the hold. There's ten inches of water down there after the storm and everything is wet. It will take the pumps at least another day to clear it, I've been told. It isn't healthy to keep men in such conditions," Archie smiled a little. "Even Americans." Jonathan laughed at the joke.

"I really have no option but to move them and your cabin is the best option. It's got a good secure door and can be guarded easily. I am sorry Jonathan."

Jonathan tried hard to keep the smile from his face. "It's all right, Archie. It can't be helped." He turned away and stared at the white caps, thinking about the night ahead.

It was a relief to sit down to a hot meal once again. Jonathan greedily tucked into the salted beef stew not worried for the moment about anything else but eating. Even the glass of French brandy that Archie had poured was forgotten. He looked up from his plate to catch Archie's amused look.

"Hungry Jonathan?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, just a little." Jonathan explained. But hunger was not the only reason for his haste. It was the beginning of the first watch and Kerrison had the quarterdeck. Jonathan had four hours. Four hours before the watch would change again. There was much he wanted to achieve in those four hours and he didn't want to waste the time eating. Still, he needed sustenance if he was to spend the next four hours...

"Do you like reading Jonathan?" Archie asked as he toyed with his food.

"Reading? Uh, reading what?" Jonathan stammered out suddenly nervously, his carefully made plans going straight out the casement window. "I have

Falconer's 'Marine Dictionary', but it's a bit damp at the moment." Surely Archie wasn't going to quiz him on seamanship!

Archie raised his brandy and took a sip, a faint smile playing around his lips.

"That wasn't what I meant Jonathan. I was wondering if you like Shakespeare or such." He raised the brandy glass again and took a long swallow his eyes never leaving Jonathan's face. "I do."

"OH yes, I know Shakespeare. I've read his sonnets." Jonathan bit his lip, unsure again. "I don't remember any lines in particular, but I did like them, especially the ones about love."

Archie rested his chin on his hand and smiled. Jonathan blushed. My God I must sound like a fool, a childish fool, he thought miserably.

"Shakespeare says much about death Jonathan," Archie continued. "Death and life! You can't have one without the other."

Not death again, Jonathan mentally wailed. He wasn't going to die! There was still too much to do before he could die!

"Stop it Archie!" Jonathan said loudly. He rose from the table. "You're not going to die and I'm not going to die," he continued as he stepped around the small table to stand beside Archie who was looking up at him in surprise.

"AT least I don't intend to die before I've done this." Leaning forward Jonathan kissed Archie on the lips. He waited, expecting Archie to pull away and was amazed when Archie's hand came up to rest on the back of his neck and pull him closer. Archie's lips suddenly opened under his own, taking Jonathan by surprise. He felt Archie's tongue licking at his mouth, coaxing his lips apart. Jonathan pulled away.

Archie's eyes looked up at him in confusion. "I'm sorry Jonathan, I thought.."

"Oh Archie, no..yes.." Jonathan stuttered out. "I...I'm the one who should say sorry. You took me by surprise that's all. I haven't done much kissing. I didn't know what to expect." He licked his lips, savouring the taste of brandy from Archie's tongue. "Would you do that again please?"  

Rising from the table so that they were standing face to face, Archie smiled gently. Reaching out he caressed the side of Jonathan's face with his hand. But then he hesitated, looking deep into Jonathan's eyes. "You are still very young, Jonathan. Are you really sure you want this?"

"I'm sure Archie," Jonathan implored. "I know I want to love someone I care about at least once before I die."

"Jonathan," Archie began in a tone that suggested he was going to refuse.

"Would you begrudge me that Archie?" he pleaded. "You've had that chance, why not me?"

There was a subtle change in Archie eyes as he thought about those words. Jonathan held his breath, knowing that Archie was making his decision.

"If this is what you really want Jonathan, then yes, I'd like to kiss you again. I'd like it very much." Archie whispered before he captured Jonathan's lips once more.    

Part 17

It was happening. It was finally happening!

Jonathan closed his eyes and gave himself up to Archie's mouth, tasting, exploring, finally mirroring the movements as he gained confidence. Archie's hand hands slipped up under his jacket and pulled him closer. They moved up his back, hot through the fine cotton of his shirt. Jonathan moaned, his mouth still trapped by Archie's, his hands now seeking their own admission, unbuttoning Archie's coat with fumbling fingers.

It wasn't easy standing on the pitching deck, grappling with Archie's jacket Jonathan discovered. It was hard trying to keep his balance whilst refusing to break the kiss. Jonathan gasped and pulled away as Archie attempted to pull his jacket off.

"It's just my shoulder, that's all," he explained as they stared at each other, breathless and flushed.

"Sorry," Archie apologised. "It might be best if you do it then." He took his own jacket off with a speed that Jonathan envied. Shoes and hose quickly followed.

"Come sit over here, on the bed." Archie said and led him to the small bed that was built into the wall. It was like a cupboard without any doors, functional but little else. "We will be more comfortable here."

Jonathan wasted no time in reaching for Archie again when they were seated side by side. But Archie stilled his hands. "We have to be quiet Jonathan, remember that now. Any sound we make will travel."

"Yes Archie," he nodded vigorously wondering if this was all just another dream and that he would wake any moment alone in his hammock. But Archie's hands were on him again, driving him to a fever of urgent need, stealing his senses just as Archie's the eager mouth stole his breath. Strong arms drew him down so that he lay upon Archie's chest, their groins at last together, rubbing with every movement.

"Take your shirt off," Archie murmured as he ran his tongue along Jonathan's neck and Jonathan hastened to comply. He helped Archie with his shirt as well, desperate to feel that golden flesh that had tempted him once before. They lay down again, skin to skin. Jonathan let his lips and hands explore Archie's chest and moaned softly when Archie returned the favour.

"Is your shoulder painful Jonathan?" Archie raised his head when Jonathan whimpered again, his voice full of concern.

"It's not my shoulder Archie," Jonathan replied desperately and tried to stop himself from grinding his erection against Archie. Dear God would Archie just stop talking!

"Is this the problem?" Archie breathed against his ear and rubbed his hand along the length of Jonathan's erection.

"Oh yessss," Jonathan hissed, his breath suddenly coming in gasps as he thrust against the welcome pressure of Archie's hand.

"Take your breeches off too then," Archie suggested as he shed his own. There was not much room in the small confines of Archie bed. Jonathan was forced to break contact as he sat up and struggled out of his breeches. He knelt on the end of bed and watched as Archie resumed his former position and lay waiting.

For what? A myriad of images flashed through Jonathan's mind, each one more daring than the last. He wanted so much to please Archie just as Archie had been pleasing him. But where to start?

He studied Archie's erection, lying like a banquet before him. What was it Lionel had said? Something about an orange? Surely he didn't mean for him to bite it? That would hurt! Sucking? One did suck the juice out of an orange; perhaps that was how it was done? With that thought in mind Jonathan pounced. Gripping the head of Archie's erection lightly between his teeth to hold it in place Jonathan sucked with all his might.

"Arrrggghh! LET IT GO!" Archie choked between gritted teeth.

Jonathan obeyed at once, sitting back on his heels between Archie's legs as he watched his friend clutch himself in agony.

"Did I do the wrong thing Archie?" he asked helplessly.

It took a few moments for Archie to stop writhing and compose himself. "My god Jonathan, whatever do you think you are doing?" he asked as he curled onto his side.

"Well Lionel said.."

"Lionel? You've been doing that with Lionel Thockmorton?" Archie asked his voice rising in horror.

"Oh no!" Jonathan hastened to assure. "He just told me about it, he wouldn't show me. He said a one armed whore had put her mouth on..I think it was on.., well it was like eating an orange...somewhere in Spain I think, his brother was with him...and so I thought... but he wasn't very clear about it all... but he said you might like it..."

"You discussed this," Archie waved his hand frantically around to indicate the bed and their naked bodies, "with Lionel Thockmorton?"

Jonathan nodded slowly. Why did he always manage to do the wrong thing?

"I didn't know who else to ask Archie. I didn't know what to do. I was desperate and I just wanted to know...to know...what to expect, what to do. I only knew what I had heard from Beddows.." He stopped suddenly, wondering if he had gone too far.

But Archie sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "Lionel is a good friend, but I have a feeling that he doesn't know his arse from his elbow half the time." He fixed Jonathan with his blues eyes, his face suddenly serious again. "And you have to be careful Jonathan about who you speak to, who you tell. Not everyone would be as understanding as Mr Thockmorton."

"I understand Archie," Jonathan replied forlornly. He watched as Archie lay down again, all trace of his previously impressive erection now gone. "Should I go back to my hammock?"

But Archie shook his head and reached up to him. "No, come lie here with me," he replied, turning on his side to make more room. "Perhaps I had better show you the right way to do it before you cripple someone with your enthusiasm."

"I'm so sorry Archie. I just wanted to please you."

Archie replied by kissing him deeply. "You do Jonathan."  

Part 18

"Stop moaning Jonathan!" Archie raised his head and hissed for the third time. But the only reply Jonathan could make was to splutter at the brief cessation of pleasure followed by another moan when Archie's skilful mouth enveloped him again. The world had ceased to exist around him and was now concentrated on one single hot spot between his legs which threatened at any moment to explode.

"Oh my God Archie, I'm going to come!" he squeaked out only to regret it a moment later when the warm mouth stopped again.

"No you're not Jonathan." Archie declared firmly and clamped his fingers around the base of Jonathan's penis before continuing his onslaught.

Perhaps this was some form of torture that Archie had learnt from the Spanish during his time in prison? Was Archie paying him back for his painful mistake earlier? Jonathan moaned again, but this time it sounded more like a sob.

"Please," he gasped. Perhaps begging would work? His whole body was aflame now and even the slow drops of sweat that dripped down his sides felt arousing. How had Archie done this?

For five whole minutes, Archie had been teasing and taunting his body and Jonathan simply could not take it any longer. "Please Archie," he moaned again, forgetting again the rule about being quiet.

Archie stopped once more and looked up, meeting the glazed blue eyes. "Jonathan, I have only just started. We don't have to rush this you know." But his look softened as he saw the agonised look on Jonathan's face. He shook his head and grinned.

"The next thing I teach you will be a little self control." Archie bent his head once more and put Jonathan out of his misery.  

Perhaps the world had ended. Perhaps the ship had been wrecked in a storm and he had drowned and was floating in the water. Jonathan's eyes flickered open. The cabin was in darkness now, the candle extinguished. He became aware of someone gazing down at him where he lay on Archie's bed.

Archie! Yes, Archie Kennedy, who had done such amazing things to him and caused him to come so hard that he had passed out. He smiled, wanting to say how wonderful he felt but unable for the moment to master his vocal cords.

He felt a soft kiss on his forehead and a heavy weight settle beside him. He rolled towards the warmth.

"Hmm, Archie.."

"Shh, go to sleep now." Archie pulled the blanket over them. "You're due on watch in a couple of hours."

"But, but, I want to.." Jonathan thought of all that Archie had just done and suddenly felt overwhelmed. Could he do that? Could he do even half of that? He'd have to try, because he so wanted to please Archie. He struggled up to lean on his elbows.

"Archie, I want to do that to you now," Jonathan declared, his voice sounding weary in the darkness.

"There will be time for that tomorrow, Jonathan. For the moment I think you need to get some sleep." Archie's pale eyes glinted at him in the darkness. "Beside, I doubt I'm up to it tonight. I think you actually managed to bruise my prick!"

"Oh Archie? Will it be all right?"

A gentle arm pulled him back down and wrapped him in a tight embrace.

"I'm sure it will be fine tomorrow. Now go to sleep Jonathan." Archie whispered.  

Part 19

By force of old habit, Jonathan awoke at the striking of seven bells, half an hour before the change of watch. He burrowed into the warmth next to him wishing he didn't have to leave. It seemed but scant minutes since he had closed his eyes and fallen asleep listening to the steady beating of Archie's heart.

"You have to get up, Jonathan," Archie murmured drowsily, nudging Jonathan with his knee.

"I am up," Jonathan replied and nudged Archie back, proving his claim.

"Jonathan you're insatiable! Now pull your breeches on Mr Riley and get up on deck. It's your watch!"

"Yes Archie," Jonathan grumbled as he climbed out of the small bed.

A cold wind was blowing when he came on deck and Jonathan pulled the collar of his tarpaulin a little higher. Of all the watches, the middle watch was the one he hated the most. It was the quietest, loneliest and the long hours between midnight and four a.m. seemed to drag as no others did.

"Pleasant night Mr Riley?" Kerrison asked as they the checked the compass reading and slate by the binnacle light.

"Very pleasant, thank you Mr Kerrison," Jonathan replied, thankful it was too dark for Kerrison to see the blush the flooded his cheeks.

"Get enough sleep did yer?" Kerrison continued conversationally. His manner of speech gave clear indication of his humble background.

"Yes," Jonathan answered warily, wondering what Kerrison was implying. Perhaps he was being too sensitive. Kerrison simply nodded and turned away to go below.

But as he reached the companionway, Kerrison turned back and stood as if waiting for Jonathan to join him.

"Was there something more Mr Kerrison?" Jonathan asked. They were out of earshot of the helmsman now, but even so, Kerrison dropped his voice when he spoke.

"When you go below again you might like to close the skylight in the Captain's cabin."

"What?" Jonathan exclaimed as he followed Kerrison's pointing finger to see a tiny skylight at the very stern of the quarterdeck. It was open.

"It wouldn't do for the crew to know that yer moan like a banshee in heat when Mr Kennedy has his mouth around your..."

"How dare you assume such a thing. I'll have you know I injured my shoulder during the storm and.."

"Oh I didn't assume anything Mr Riley. If a bodies standing at the taffrail and the skylights opened yer can see right down into the Captain's Cabin.

Jonathan felt the blood drain from his face. "You were spying on us!" he accused in a dangerous voice.

"There now, Mr Riley, don't take on so. I meant no harm. I was worried yer see, hearing noises like that, knowing you were down there alone with 'im."

Kerrison turned and looked out towards the darkness, not meeting Jonathan's eyes. "I've heard stories about Mr Kennedy. Stories about the terrible thing that happened to 'im on his old ship. A thing like that can change a man, can twist 'im all up inside." Kerrison looked back, his hazel eyes catching the glint of light from the binnacle. "I just wanted to make sure that you were all right, yer know Sir. That 'e wasn't doing something yer didn't want."

As Masters Mate, Kerrison was on an equal footing with the midshipmen. It was from simple courtesy that they addressed each other as 'Mr', nothing more. Kerrison's use of 'Sir' was more than Jonathan's rank deserved and Jonathan knew the Mate was trying to placate him.

"I didn't mean to cause trouble if that's what your thinking, Mr Riley." Kerrison continued when Jonathan remained silent. "Besides, who'd believe me over a Lieutenant and a young Gentleman? Yer secret's safe with me."

Jonathan thought over the words. He looked into Kerrison's eyes and saw deep remorse. Remorse coupled with fear. Even for a Master's Mate, Kerrison was rougher than average. He'd been a topman before being chosen to replace one of Mr Bowles mates who had been washed overboard. Older than Jonathan, but younger than Archie; twenty perhaps, Jonathan estimated. Without doubt Kerrison would still vividly remember the time when he had lived in fear of tyrannical young midshipman and Officers alike and was wondering if Jonathan was going to cause trouble. No wonder he looked afraid.  

"Well thank you for your concern Mr Kerrison," Jonathan replied eventually. "But I assure you that Mr Kennedy is not like that. He would never hurt me." Deciding Kerrison was better as a friend than a foe, Jonathan offered a faint smile. "Thank you for your concern."

"Well no one else knows, the wind was blowing the wrong way for the helmsman to hear. I only heard cause I went up there to have a piss. Didn't want it blowing back on me!" Kerrison winked and Jonathan tried to smile at the course words.

"Must say though, you've kept it pretty quiet. I've not heard a whisper of a rumour below decks about the two of you!"

Jonathan blushed. "Well you wouldn't have. That was the first time anything happened." He looked away wishing Kerrison would leave and spare him any further embarrassment.

"First time eh?" Kerrison's said, his voice strangely gentle. "Well I'm sorry I teased yer like that."

Jonathan turned back to meet a cheeky pair of hazel eyes that winked at him and asked, "Did yer like it all right then?"

"Really Kerrison, I think you have said enough for the night! Go and get some sleep." Jonathan tried to feign aloofness, but had the sudden urge to burst into laughter.

"I'll try Mr Riley, but I think I'm going to find it hard tonight. Awfully hard indeed!"  

Part 20.

When Archie appeared on deck that morning Jonathan felt his face flush deep red. He wondered if he should mention Kerrison's conversation of last night, but decided against it. Archie was cautious, very cautious and would probably react by putting an end to their relationship before it had properly started.

"Jonathan you look like a naughty boy who has been caught with his hand in the sweets jar!" Archie teased in a quiet voice when they both stood together on the quarterdeck.

Jonathan smiled weakly and Archie frowned. "You're not having regrets are you Jonathan?" he asked gently.

"Oh no Archie, no," Jonathan assured. "But I feel so different, as if everyone is looking at me, as if they all know what we did!"

Walking to the rail Archie gestured down to the main deck where the hands were busy holy stoning the deck. "Look at them Jonathan! You and I are the last thing on their minds." Jonathan nodded, but suddenly he caught sight of Kerrison who was coming down the ratlines after inspecting the rigging. The Mate winked and grinned and Jonathan blushed again before quickly looking away.  

"Jonathan if this is going to cause you unease, perhaps we'd best stop before it goes any further?"

"Oh no, please don't say that Archie," Jonathan wailed. "I haven't even had a chance to..." Jonathan paused and asked delicately, "How is it now by the way?"

"Fine, in fact it was fine when you woke up for your watch last night, but I wasn't going to tell you that because I would never have gotten you out of my bed!"

Jonathan swallowed and looked out to sea, concentrating on the foam caps, anything but the image that Archie's words were conjuring in his mind.

"Then tonight you'll be all right to, that is to say, it will work?"

Archie glanced at him sideways and smirked. "You'll just have to wait and see Mr Riley. Don't be so impatient."

"What do you know about Mr Kerrison, Archie?" Jonathan asked after a few moments hoping Archie would think he was tactfully changing the subject.

"Kerrison? He's been on the Indy a long time. I heard he was born at sea, he's a son of the gun deck. Can't remember the name of the ship, but it was involved in that American Conflict."

"How did he come to be on the Indy?" Jonathan asked, his eyes drifting to Kerrison who was now climbing the foremast.

"I'm not sure precisely, perhaps his old ship was wrecked or decommissioned. The Navy is always desperate for experienced Top Men. He was very lucky to be made Mate though. Not many ratings get that chance. But at the time Mr Bowls wouldn't have anyone but him."

"Really? Jonathan asked with a smirk.

"Nothing like that Jonathan, at least don't think it was." Archie said with a slight frown. "He was one of the few ratings on board who could read and write. Apparently he'd served as a cabin boy for the Captain on his old ship and the Captain himself taught him."

"That sounds very unusual. He's a lucky man either way." Jonathan said thoughtfully as he watched Kerrison climbed to the crosstrees.  

Part 21

Kerrison was late on purpose! Jonathan was sure certain. Eight bells was about to sound and Kerrison still hadn't arrived on deck. It would take at least another five or ten minutes for them to discuss the heading and the compass reading, not to mention the set of the sails!

"Sorry I'm a bit late Mr Riley. I was down in the infirmary." Kerrison exclaimed as he ran up the companionway, two steps at a time.

"Are you ill or something Mr Kerrison?" Jonathan asked, hoping it wouldn't be a long involved explanation. They STILL had the watch to discuss and Archie was waiting for him down in his cabin.

"Holt just died, Samuel Holt. I was with 'im."

"Holt?" Jonathan asked again. He didn't even know a seaman named Holt and certainly hadn't heard of anyone being sick.

"Forecastle man, been with the Indy for fifteen years. 'E was helping with the rigging the other night during the storm and fell. Been lingering on ever since."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know." Jonathan replied feeling strangely chastened. His thoughts had been so centred on Archie Kennedy for the last two days that he had been completely oblivious to the goings on around him.

"'Ts all right," Kerrison said gazing up at the sails that billowed from the spars. Together they checked the compass reading, then walked back to the rail.

"I'll stand yer watch tonight if yer like Mr Riley." Kerrison said quietly as they waited for eight bells. "It's a fine night and I'm not tired." Jonathan attempted to catch the hazel eyes, expecting playful teasing once more, but Kerrison had his gaze fixed on the deserted main deck. Around them the ship's bell began to chime.

Not knowing what else to say Jonathan replied, "Thankyou Mr Kerrison. That's a kind offer. Are you sure?"

Finally Kerrison turned and met his eyes. "I'm sure. Now off with yer, yer don't want to keep Mr Kennedy waiting," he said with a smile.

Part 22  

Archie barely had time to speak before Jonathan was on him, his mouth eagerly bestowing kisses, his hands roaming.

"Jonathan," Archie finally managed to splutter out as he pulled away, "Do you think we might eat our supper first?"

It took a moment for the words to penetrate Jonathan's lust clouded brain. He glanced at the small table to find a rather elaborate meal waiting. Elaborate compared to a midshipman's usual fare. Jonathan felt a little guilty.

"Chicken Archie? And potatoes?" Jonathan had no idea there were potatoes on board.

"Yes. It's nothing much, really."

"Thank you Archie," Jonathan replied as he sat down. Had Archie planned this as a favour to him?

There was more French brandy too. "One of the casks was damaged so we may as well drink it. It would only be bad by the time we reach Gibraltar" Archie explained as he poured Jonathan a glass.

Jonathan didn't really like brandy. He was unused to strong drink of any kind. The grog that was served to the midshipman was well watered. As he sipped the brandy he felt the fumes burn up his nose. The taste reminded him of Archie's mouth last night. Perhaps he could get used to the flavour after all.

"We have more time tonight Archie, Kerrison offered to stand my watch."

Archie raised an eyebrow at that remark. "He did?" He paused in his eating considering something. "Holt died," Archie stated as if that fact would serve as an explanation.

But Jonathan wasn't sure how Archie's statement was connected to Kerrison's offer.

"Yes, just now. Kerrison told me." Jonathan was just about to add that he didn't even know that the man was injured when Archie continued.

"Holt was a good man, fine seamen. Been with the Indy many years. No doubt Kerrison knew him well." Archie paused to sip at his brandy. "Had a wife in Plymouth I believe. His loss will be felt," he added thoughtfully.

Jonathan wondered how Archie knew all this, but realised that as Captain of the ship, he would be informed of such happenings. Still that didn't explain how Archie knew the little details.

"Did you know him too Archie?" Jonathan asked as he shoved another potato into his mouth.

Archie shook his head. "No, not really, but it's important to know something of the crew, put names to the faces. A little bit of acknowledgment goes a long way with them, you know." Archie smiled across the table. "If you are going to lead men some day Jonathan you'll need more than simple heroics."

Jonathan looked down, feeling an unintended sting in Archie's words. He was second in command of the ship, an Acting Lieutenant in all but name; he should have known about the injured seaman. He hadn't been told, like Archie, but perhaps he should have inquired after the storm. A few simple questions would have given him information on most of the happenings aboard the Mistral.

"There's such a lot to learn Archie, I sometimes wonder if I will ever make Lieutenant," Jonathan said glumly. He pushed his empty plate away and drank more brandy.

"You're doing fine Jonathan and I am quite happy to teach you whatever you want to know."

Jonathan looked up, his eyes bright with passion again. "Do you mean that Archie?"

The blush that stained Archie's cheeks only made him more beautiful. "Yes Jonathan," he whispered, blinking in the candlelight.

"Then can we get started now? I've finished eating and you are just playing with yours."

"Jonathan!" Archie protested but let him self be pulled from his chair by an eager hand.

"Perhaps we should blow out the candle this time and is that skylight closed? Someone might see us!" Jonathan said as he commenced unbuttoning Archie's coat.

"What skylight?" Archie interrupted and Jonathan was forced to let go and point to the little skylight at the very stern of the cabin. Jonathan had crept in and closed it earlier in the day but was concerned Archie might have opened it again. It was still very damp below decks.

"That little thing? Really Jonathan, no one could see in there unless they were leaning over the taffrail. Don't worry so!"  

Part 23

They resumed their struggle to free each other of their clothes, but finally gave in to practicality and did it themselves. They fell onto the bed together, a tangle of arms and legs; hair loose, hands eager. They wrestled like that, content to simply feel their bodies rub against each other while their hands and mouths were busy elsewhere.

Jonathan knew what he wanted to do, but was confounded in his attempts to extricate himself from Archie's arms. Archie outmatched him in terms of height, weight and sheer physical strength. How was one expected to manoeuvre such matters? It seemed too trite to have to ask.

It was Archie who finally took control, rolling Jonathan beneath him then sliding down his sweaty skin to once again begin his torture. Jonathan clamped his teeth together to try to keep from calling out. He screwed his face up and clenched his fists in a effort to keep some small portion of his rapidly diminishing self control. But it was all in vain. Archie was simply too good.

Afterwards as he lay there dazed Jonathan he felt Archie move up, lean in and kiss him; laughing into his mouth playfully.

"Oh Archie," Jonathan whined, "You did that on purpose! It was my turn that time."

"We've plenty of time Jonathan, you'll get your turn." Archie advised as he commenced kissing Jonathan's neck, his tongue lapping as he went.

The words grated suddenly. All this talk of taking turns made the whole thing sound like some sort of childish game! Was Archie just humouring him?

Jonathan focused on what Archie was doing in his search for the answer. His hands roam down Archie's back, revelling in the feel of his muscles rippling beneath. He concentrated on Archie's weight pushing him into the mattress, Archie's erection hard and insistent against his stomach. Archie certainly seemed to be as caught up in this as he was. But wasn't there something they could do together?

"Archie?" Jonathan said softly.

"Hmm," Archie didn't pause but moved his mouth along Jonathan's collarbone, his hand reaching once more for Jonathan's cock.

"Archie." Jonathan said a little firmer this time.

"Yes?" Archie raised his head and took a breath. "All right Jonathan, you'll get your turn. Sit up and we'll change places."

Jonathan didn't move, but lay there trying to find the right words for his next question.

"Archie, I want to...I want us...to do this together, or something....together."

Archie pushed his fair hair from his eyes and looked away for a moment. "Well we can rub against each other like this Jonathan, but it does start to get a little raw after a while. Is that what you had in mind?"

"No, Jonathan" said softly. "There is more, I know that much Archie. Will you show me that too?"

"Jonathan.."

Jonathan took hold of Archie's erection and was pleased by the harsh intake of breath. "Please Archie?" he asked again, his fingers gently stroking. "You've been so good to me, so patient. Will you do this too?" He paused for a moment, gazing into the fire in the depths of Archie's eyes. "Please, I really want you to, Archie."

Archie gave no answer, simply swooped down to captured Jonathan's mouth again, his hands coming to rest on Jonathan's slim hips, touching, kneading, acquainting himself with the feel of them.

Jonathan let himself be carried away under the skilful onslaught. Archie's mouth was hunting across his chest again, nipping here, licking there, seeking out the places he had discovered yesterday. His hand sought Jonathan's cock and coaxed it to life again, quickly.

Jonathan kissed the fingers that Archie trailed across his lips and when Archie persisted, he let them into his mouth and played with them until Archie pulled them away.

"Pull your knees up a bit," Archie whispered and Jonathan obeyed, a little nervous now, the rational part of his mind finally coming to the fore. Archie's fingers was sliding behind him now, seeking, probing, persistent in their quest. Jonathan lay still, for a moment unable to think of anything except what Archie's fingers were trying to do. He winced when he felt the initial penetration and gasped when the feeling became more pronounced. He groaned aloud when Archie attempted to insert a second finger.

"That hurts!"

"Just for a moment, Jonathan, it will feel better in a moment." Archie continued and Jonathan tried to forget about what was happening. He saw Archie spit into his hand and turned away.

"You have to relax Jonathan." Archie instructed as he went to work again with his fingers. "You're too tense."

"I'm not tense," Jonathan said fervently. The tremor in his voice made a lie of the words.

"I can't do it if you are tense Jonathan." Archie's own voice sounded far from steady now. He looked up. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Jonathan nodded, not trusting his voice for the moment. Archie knelt up and nodded in the direction of the wall behind him.

"Put your feet up there, flat against the wood and bend your knees." Archie was spitting again, coating his erection with the saliva. Jonathan waited. He couldn't stop the whimper that escaped as Archie pressed into him, could hardly stop the urge to pull away and was quietly thankful when Archie stopped and sat back again.

"This isn't working." Archie murmured not looking at him but gazing around the cabin instead. "I had not idea you'd be this tight." Archie moved away and leaned back against the wall. His eyes were still distant.

"I'm sorry Archie," Jonathan bit his lip and dropped his legs down. He stared at the wall feeling miserable. "Did you have this trouble with Peter?" Jonathan asked, suddenly feeling inadequate. Perhaps this was all his fault.

Archie shook his head. "No, but Peter was used to doing it. I should have realised it would be different with you."

"And what about Horatio?"

Archie's eyes flew back to Jonathan and narrowed. "How do you know about that?"

Jonathan swallowed, feeling even worse now. "I overheard you and Peter talking that night in the infirmary. You thought I was asleep, but I wasn't."

"I never did this with Horatio. We only had one time together, barely an hour, if that. Horatio did it to me but I didn't.."

Archie rubbed his face and looked away. When he looked back, Archie's face held a gentle look and he smiled softly at Jonathan. He moved to lay down again, his hand coming up to play with Jonathan's curls where they lay spread out around his head.

"I always wanted to of course," Archie said quietly and Jonathan knew he was being made privy to Archie's deepest thoughts. "It is the one regret that I have; that Horatio and I never really had any time together. I was never ready and then when I was, he'd found another."

It was foremost in Jonathan's mind to ask who Horatio had found, but he sensed now was not the time.

Suddenly the look on Archie's face changed. "That's what we need! Oil. I remember now! Horatio used it the first time." He sighed and looked away again. "I'm sorry Jonathan, I really don't have much experience with this, you see. I have only don't this three times with Peter and we never bothered about using anything other than spit. Perhaps I am not the best person to show you this."

"Archie, you're the ONLY person I want to show me this." Jonathan said fervently, but Archie stared above at the bunk head deep in thought.

"Don't you want me Archie?"

Archie turned back. "Of course I want you Jonathan, believe me!" he said fervently. "Stopping just now wasn't easy!"

"This is all my fault, I am so sorry Archie." Jonathan stuttered. Twice now he had ruined Archie's pleasure.

"Jonathan it's not you. It's me. I feel like I am stealing your innocence." There was anguish in Archie's voice as he spoke. "I feel like I am little better than.." The name was left unspoken but Jonathan heard it in his mind- Simpson!

"You're not stealing my innocence, Archie! I am giving it to you!" Jonathan blurted out desperately, suddenly afraid of the dark mood that seemed to be taking Archie from him.

"Oh Jonathan," Archie sighed and he reached out to take Jonathan into his arms once again. "I don't think I deserve such a gift Jonathan."

"Yes you do Archie," Jonathan whispered, before he kissed Archie again. "Can we try it again? Please?" Jonathan whispered, "We have plenty of time and I know what to expect now. I'm very sorry that I made a fuss."

Archie smiled ruefully but didn't resist when Jonathan started to caress him again.

"You're becoming very good at getting me to do things Jonathan." Archie said, his voice a little breathless. "But that doesn't alter the fact that I have nothing here to make it any easier for you. It might be best to wait for another time when we are better prepared. You're supposed to enjoy it too and I don't want to hurt you."

"Archie, we have the whole night. When will we have this chance again? Please Archie. It didn't hurt that much and you said it would only hurt for a little while. I'll tell you if it gets too bad."

It felt a little different this time, not quite so strange. Jonathan forced himself to lay still, to let his body go limp as Archie prepared him again. Archie's hands were trembling slightly now. From passion or from hesitancy; Jonathan really didn't know. His body protested to the unfamiliar invasion, but perhaps it was not unlike learning to climb the rigging: your legs and arms took a while to become accustomed to the strain. Such pain was a way to growth. Maybe this was the same.  

Jonathan concentrated on Archie's face, on the myriad of emotions that flashed through his eyes when he breached his body ever so slowly. Archie panted as he held himself still for the longest time until Jonathan wondered what he was waiting for.

"What's next Archie?" Jonathan asked, his voice a little wobbly.

"Does it feel all right Jonathan?" Archie's voice was strained and Jonathan suddenly understood that Archie had but a bare hold on his passion.

"Yes," he whispered, a little in awe of this side of Archie, a side he had never witnessed before. It was all the more wondrous because Jonathan knew he was the cause.

Archie moved then, thrusting slowly, picking up rhythm, his breathing deep and laboured, his hands gripping Jonathan's hips for leverage. Archie's sighs gave him courage and Jonathan ignored a new discomfit, a raw chafing feeling, that hovered on the edge of his awareness and slow grew with Archie's ever increasing thrusts.

It happened so quickly that Jonathan almost laughed at the irony. Archie arched his back, thrust deeply one last time then stared down at Jonathan, his body spasming, his lips held tightly together.

Jonathan smiled but the gesture changed quickly to a frown as the stinging started. Archie rolled to his side, arms reached to pull him close and place a kiss first on his forehead and then on his lips.

"It will be better next time Jonathan, I promise." Archie whispered and Jonathan marshalled his courage again, brushed away a tear that threatened and whispered back.

"And maybe a little longer too Archie?" Jonathan said bravely. "I don't think I'm the only one who need to learn some self control." Archie's gentle laugh told him all was well once again.  

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Minerva, May 2000    

Last updated 29 November 1999 This page presented by: