~ Satyricon au go go ~
No infringement of the following characters and situations is intended.
Warning: (MA) Mature Adults only. Contains some violence and drug use.
~ A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To The Project ~
Sam shook his head as the electrical swirl subsided,
glancing down at what he was
wearing in his first attempt to orientate himself.
it didn't help.
"What is this? Halloween? Lost in Space?"
he groaned, holding out his arms in
disbelief at the silver space suit he appeared to
be wearing. "Not Commando Cody
again," he pleaded. He chanced to look out of
the small porthole like window beside
him, and was greeted by the sight of a small blue
planet slowly setting in the west.
Some innate gut feeling told him that this wasn't
a special effect.
"Oh - Oh Boy," he whispered in disbelief.
MAY 15th, 1980.
Al puffed lazily on his cigar as he drove his beat
up old car across the New Mexico
desert. The car was protesting slightly over the
distance and the shoddy roadway, but
Al's many alimony payments unfortunately did not
allow for the little luxuries in life
like a mean, lean, testosterone street machine.
He was tired; he rubbed his eyes as he squinted over
the highway marker, barely visible
in the darkness with the car's failing headlights.
He thought he saw a shooting star for a
moment over the top of the roadsign, but it seemed
to be heading on too straight a
trajectory to be a piece of space junk. Maybe an
old satellite, or the after burners from
some new hush hush experimental jet they were trying
out over at the air base. He
didn't know anymore, or really care, locked as he
was in his own project, trying to
squeeze a few more dollars worth of budget out of
a highly sceptical congress. That
seemed to be all he did these days. They should have
gone private. Those monkeys
threw billions of dollars of cash at some screwballs
trying to invent straight bananas, for
heaven's sake, with no one to account to, so long
as there was a profit margin. He
looked up into the sky and made a wish. He knew it
was wrong to wish on space
hardware, but, with the way the project was going
at the moment, they needed all the
help they could get. He blinked for a moment, and
when he looked up again, the small
streak of light had vanished.
~
"UFO on trajectory course 490.07" SID's
computerised voice calmly reported over the
red alert klaxons.
"Colonel Foster," Gina's dark brown face
was lined with concern, "The UFO has
broken through our defences. It's heading straight
for earth."
"Commander Straker's on the line." interrupted
Lieutenant Gay Ellis, the very soul of
studious efficiency.
Inwardly, Sam groaned. He was in the trenches here,
on the front line, and he had no
idea what to do. People could die, and he was pretty
damn sure he wasn't here to get
innocent people killed.
"Holy shit, will you look at this stuff! I always
knew Project BlueBook were on to
something. But I never expected this. Look at this
stuff. This is where our defence
budget dollars have been going. The Cold war was
a crock. Just look at this " He
playfully pressed at a few blinking buttons. "Beam
me up Scotty," he grinned,
managing the almost impossible as to be dressed louder
than Sam in his little silver suit.
"Al!" hissed Sam urgently. "Thank
God you're here. What do I do? We're under
attack."
"I can see that." Al drew on his cigar
pensively. "I suggest you talk to your
commanding officer. He might have a few ideas."
Sam flicked the comm switch and the scowling visage
of a blonde man with ice cold
eyes appeared.
"Foster - what the hell is going on! You let
a UFO through."
"I, er, know that, Sir," stumbled Al. It
broke through our defences, it seemed to
anticipate the interceptor strategies."
"I see." The man on the old end of the
line inhaled on his own cigar deeply. "We'll
discuss this later. Right now I'll launch SkyDiver
and ground crews to track the damn
thing - if it hasn't already landed. I'll see you
in my office when you get back to earth
after you shift." The comm link was brutally
cut off.
"Ooooh, Sam, you're in trouble now," teased
Al.
But that was the last thing on Sam's mind.
"Back to Earth, How?' he asked his hologramatic
friend.
Al jerked his cigar in the direction of the window,
through which could be seen a large
space craft being fitted for travel.
"A spaceship," Sam murmured numbly. "I
don't know how to fly a space ship."
"Relax," Al went to pat him on the shoulder,
but missed. "Piece of cake. Can't be too
different from the birds I used to fly. I'll guide
you through it."
"Thanks," said Sam, through gritted teeth.
"You don't know what a comfort that is."
~
Admiral Al Calavicchi was rally getting tired now.
He must have been driving for
hours. It was 2am in the morning, and his destination
seemed to surrealistically grow
further away from him, rather than closer. He was
sure the numerals on the mile posts
were growing bigger instead of smaller. Out from
the highway, across the desert, there
seemed to be a strange, silver green glow. It couldn't
be the Project headquarters, not
yet.
He drove on for a bit, and it seemed to disappear
behind some hills. He couldn't see it
anymore, no matter how hard he looked. Regardless
of the terrain, he should still be
able to seem some of it's phospherent glow against
the pitch black sky - there were no
street lights or houses out here.
Nah, he decided to himself. He must be starting to
hallucinate. Time to pull over and
have a snooze. That three week old sludge they served
as coffee back at the roadside
diner 3 hours ago was beginning to wear off now anyway.
Sam would probably panic
and call out the Highway Patrol if he wasn't back
on time, but hey, a little bit of
concern wouldn't hurt the kid any. Sometimes he wondered
if Sam ever lived outside in
the real world, or had he always existed in that
lab of his.
Al settled himself in the backseat with an old travelling
rug, and slept so soundly he did
not hear the caterpillar tracks of a large armoured
vehicle of the military persuasion
thunder by.
~
Sam could not believe his eyes, and neither could
Al. Sam constantly ha to bring his
errant friend to heel each time they passed a scantily
clad starlet.
"A movie studio. Maybe I was right the first
time. Maybe this isn't real."
"Oh, its real alright, " drooled Al after
a particular leggy sample of the scenery.
They entered the main office, Sam awkwardly adjusting
his purple suit.
"This guy is colour blind," muttered Sam,
trying futily to loosen the skivvy around his
neck.
"I don't see what your problem is," replied
Al.
As they waited at the secretary's desk, Sam picked
up a newspaper and scanned the
front page.
"I still don't know where I am, or what I'm
supposed do be doing," he complained.
"Search me," shrugged Al.
"Well - ask Ziggy," Sam whispered in annoyance.
With an exasperated sigh, Al pulled the handlink
from his pocket and jabbed at a few
buttons. The machine did nothing but squeal when
he shook it.
"Still no good. Ziggy's trying, but this place
is sewn up tighter than a Nun's knickers.
This is like mega mega top secret stuff. I'm surprised
we haven't had heavies come bust
the door down yet for even trying. We only know what
the guy's name is cause it's
sewn into his underwear."
"Thanks a lot." muttered Sam. "May
15th, 1980. Maybe Ziggy can work with that.
And I'm in England A movie studio in or near London."
"Okay." Al dutifully tapped away, then
his face creased with a frown.
"What now," asked Sam wearily.
"That date. Remember that time I was driving
back from another budget crisis meeting
in Washington? I had to drive back because we couldn't
afford plane tickets."
"Not particularly," shrugged Sam.
"Well, neither do I. I pulled over to catch
some sleep on the side of the road. The next
thing I know, I'm waking up with the most godawful
headache, and I turn on the radio.
It's 2 pm, Monday the 18th. I missed a whole two
days."
"Were you drinking?" Sam hated having to
ask Al that question, but it had to be asked.
Al shook his head.
"No. You know I had it well under control by
then. I was dry. You wouldn't have kept
me on the project if I wasn't. It's just that - it's
very fuzzy - but I think I saw a bright
light in the sky before I crashed out."
"Do you think-"
"That UFO you let through - they tracked it
to North America - New Mexico."
Before Sam had time to digest this revelation, the
secretary appeared. The 'Do Not
Enter" sign above the office had winked out
to a slightly more welcoming 'Enter'.
"You can go in now, Mr Foster." she advised
curtly.
Al grinned as the doors hissed shut.
"Boy, you must have done something to get a
frosty reception like that. Yikes."
Sam was more concerned with the empty office.
"Well, what do I do now?" he spoke aloud
to his invisible companion.
"Voice pattern confirmed. Foster. Paul. Colonel."
spoke a computerised voice from
above.
With a slight stomach heaving lurch, the floor began
to drop away. The whole office
was sinking below the ground.
"Whoa. 007ville." smiled Al in approval.
After a drop of a about a hundred metres the lift
came to a stop at last, the doors
swishing open to reveal a beaming, craggy faced man.
"Paul, good to be back on old terra firma again,
huh. You're in luck, too. He's so busy
tracking that UFO that landed in New Mexico that
chewing out Moonbase personnel
will have to wait."
The man put a friendly guiding hand on Sam's shoulder
and led him to his office.
"Scotch?' he offered.
Sam shook his head.
"Probably just as well." agreed Alec. "He's
mad as hell that the UFO managed to avoid
our defences with such apparent speed."
"Maybe we've become to predictable, with the
computerised flight plans," put in Sam.
"You could be right there. Anyway, the damn
things landed in New Mexico. This is the
sixth confirmed New Mexico landing."
He shrugged. "Perhaps it's the airforce base,
the testing sights, or that Quantum Project
they've got going on down there. Who knows."
Sam shot Al an urgent look.
"But whatever it is, it draws them like a magnet."
Alec continued. "We've got SHADO
Mobiles in there now."
~
Al woke with a start. He thought it was daylight
at first, then everything went dark
again. Overhead he heard the whine of a jet engine
in trouble, screaming closer to the
ground, until the scream ended with the tearing impact
erupting into an explosion that
lit up the night sky. Another beam of light speared
through the night sky towards the
stricken fireball.
He twisted his digital watch into the orange glow
of the car's cigarette lighter so he
could read it. 2.30 am. He'd been out for just under
half an hour, and all hell had
broken loose. He head a low heavy rumbling behind
him, and ducked down low in his
seat.
A powerful beam of light swept through the car, and
Al crouched lower, remembering
War of the Worlds with a new found terror.. Something
smashed in the window and
unlocked the door. He watched with horror as he heard
the handle click, and the door
swing open before he was blinded by the light again.
"We've got a civilian here" said a voice.
"Get that damn light out of his face, and get
him out of the car. Foster will be here any
minute - and he wants this area cleared of all non-combatants
now."
With his eyes adjusting, Al realised these were human
faces, in some sort of military
uniform.
"I am not a civilian, " he began testily
as he was manhandled from his car. He watched
irritably as they pawed through his briefcase and
wallet.
"He's right." admitted the junior officer,
who was verifying the documents. "This man
is a navy admiral, seconded to that Quantum Leap
Project 20 kms away."
The senior officer turned to Al with a newfound respect.
Not much, but just a little.
"Officer or not, Sir, this is a secured area,
and I must ask you to accompany us on the
Mobile for your own safety. This is a SHADO matter
now."
SHADO. Not a national matter, but some sort of war
with these initial guys in charge.
He got the feeling this was bigger than a national
matter. The Mobile reeked very
expensive machinery, the sort of setup that did not
have to go to congress with cap in
hand.
He sat down in the seat they offered him, listening
to the voices over the radio, and
then stood upright again with a start.
"He said UFO. It's attacking and it's 15kms
away from where my friends are!" he all
but yelled.
"We know that, Sir. We have units securing the
Project base now. If you'll just sit
down."
"What do they want" Al continued.
The officer turned around in his chair. "I
don't know. Just what have you got there in
that top secret base of yours."
~
Sam hunched over the computer terminal as the jet
he was on screamed towards the
American South West. It was a map of the area where
the UFO had gone down.
"There, he pointed a finger to a place on the
screen. Quantum Leap is the closest thing
around."
"I know I was driving back," began Al.
Sam ordered the ground units to search the roads
and clear the area of all non-essential
personnel. He ordered a further unit of SHADO mobiles
to secure Project Quantum
Leap. He gave them the entry code, figuring they
probably already had it, anyway.
"Damn it, when is this plane going to land."
He thumped the console in frustration.
Alec poked his head through the door to the cockpit.
"Sky Two is in the air and ready to begin ground
strikes."
"Give them the all clear." ordered Sam.
"I don't care what Straker wants. Raze the
damn thing to the ground if you have to. They must
not be allowed to gain access to
the project. Capture is not our priority here."
~
Al listened to the voice over the radio. He'd never
heard it before, but something about
the language made it seem familiar. And the voice
seemed to be intimately aquainted
with the security measures in force within Quantum
Leap, Al noticed with raising ire.
He heard the whine of another jet engine passing
low overhead.
Not too low, Al mentally instructed the pilot, judging
the aircrafts speed and height
from the sund of it's engines. Just come in nice
and slow, make it count. He held his
breath as he heard the missiles loosed, and, seconds
later, the resultant detonation.
The radio crackled: "Sky Two - Sky Two - Do
you confirm hit - over."
There was a pause of centuries.
"This is Sky Two. Confirm destruction of target.
Over."
The relief within the mobile was tangible.
The colonel's voice came over the radio again, ordering
the ground crews to move in
and clean up. Damage control was now in operation.
~
Al sat at a makeshift table beside a SHADO Mobile,
sipping hot coffee, watching the
ground crews with a certain educated fascination.
It was about 5.30 am and the sky was
growing lighter.
A tall man in a quasi militaristic looking outfit
and a British accent came and stood
before him, almost a little nervously.
"Im sorry, Al, but they say they've got to give
you this injection, to make you forget,
for security purposes."
"Amnesia drugs. Get out of here."
"They've already administered it to the staff
at Quantum Leap. Don't worry. I oversaw
the operation and made sure they didn't find out
anything they didn't already know.
Which wasn't much since they've been keeping an eye
on us since they shot me up with
that truth serum, back when they were just called
BlueBook."
The voice was British. But the eyes, Al knew those
eyes, and that quiet determination.
"Sam?" he asked. "It is you, isn't
it."
Sam sat down in front of him.
"Yes, Al It worked. I'm here. I guess I leapt
back here to make sure you and the project
were alright."
"Son of a bitch," murmured Al, sitting
back in his seat. "It worked."
"I've got to go now," said Sam sadly, ising
from the chair.
He watched as the medic rolled up Al's sleeve and
daubed the skin with alcohol. As the
needle was prepared, Sam felt himself enveloped once
again by the strange energy, and
he vanished from the likeness of Paul Foster in a
flash of blue light.
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